Growing up in a political family, Tessa joined her first political party at 14. Her interest in progressive politics & economics continues.
The Day I Turned Down a Republican in San Diego
Like me, he lived in San Diego, California. Unlike me, he was stinking rich and pretty powerful. So when he asked me out, along with it came the attitude that he was doing me a favour. It was also pretty obvious that he expected me to say yes and to be excited about it. So imagine his surprise when I turned him down flat.
He was outraged and told me that I had no idea how to treat a successful man. He also pointed out that other women did.
This man could not conceive that all the money and power in the world could not buy me. He was so accustomed to women saying yes that, in his mind, somewhere, if a woman said no, then she had to be at fault.
I Turned Him Down Because He Was Conservative
It is a fact of life that one’s political views reflects one’s values. If you’re an authoritarian and an elitist or a Christian, you believe, at some level, that some are superior to others. The political party you support reflects your world view, and your world view is an expression of your character.
So, while not every coservative will believe every tenet of the conservative stance, many of the tenets of conservatism are morally repugnant to me, and I will neither date nor associate with those who have morals and/or ethics which are unacceptable to me.
The World View of Conservatives are Broadly Based on Social Darwinism and Tradition
There are several facets to conservatism that are universal - regardless of the country.
Conservatism supports traditional ways - often centuries or millennia old. So, in general, most conservatives tend to be religious, and with that religion comes some views which reject homosexuality but teach that women should submit to their husbands (men).
However, conservatism during the past 120 years, has taken to social Darwinism. Social Darwinism is about the survival of the strongest, and so it seeks to outlaw social programs for those it regards as the weakest links of society.
To quote from the Encyclopedia Britannica, "According to the theory, which was popular in the late 19th and early 20th centuries, the weak were diminished and their cultures delimited while the strong grew in power and cultural influence over the weak. Social Darwinists held that the life of humans in society was a struggle for existence ruled by “survival of the fittest,” a phrase proposed by the British philosopher and scientist Herbert Spencer.'
From this grew the idea that only the strong should survive. Therefore conservatives do not believe that government should provide social services to those who are unable to provide for themselves.
The Basic Mind-set of a Republican Male in America.
While conservatives in most countries tend to hold to the same view, the mind-set of Republicans in America is stronger in certain instances.
Republicans believe either all or some of the tenets listed below.
- Authority is given by God
- Women need to submit to their husbands, are the source of original sin, and their place is at home caing for their children, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, and cooking. Women shouldn't work.
- Republican men did not object to Donald Trump's comment that men with power and money can grab private parts and get away with it. The insinuation was that that women were of such low moral character that they would do anything for a man with power and money. In general, Republican men believe that men are superior to women.
- Republican men believe that those who are successful are successful because they worked hard and were superior to others in some way. The corollary is that those who are poor are lazy, stupid, or have some other negative traits that keep them poor.
- It's acceptable to pay enormous sums for the upkeep of the military but not acceptable to invest in education and universal health care. Thus violence is more acceptable than nurture.
- The government should not be responsible for looking after people. They need to do it for themselves - whatever that entails. In other words, the state should not provide free education or free medical care - even when people can't afford to pay for these things themselves.
- There is an extreme emphasis on the freedom, even when one man's freedom impacts on another man's freedom. So, for instance, some won't wear masks even when it endangers the lives of others.
- There is an extreme emphasis on freedom of speech. As a result of the fairness doctrine being eliminated in 1987, people and organanisations can focus on only one point of view, even if these are lies or propaganda.
- Business status determines one’s value to society. It is believed that business is benevolent because it provides jobs and income to those of a lesser status. What is overlooked is that business cannot do the job of government - to provide a solid infrastructure for all citizens and to anticipate future events and to either prepare for them or take preventative action, e.g. pandemics and climate cahnge. Thus many aspects of government have been neglected. Conservatives, internationally, do not like paying taxes, and so they promote the idea that government is not responsible for expensive services to its citizens.
- Climate change is a hoax. Science keeps changing and it is always wrong. It should not be taught in schools because it will turn people away from God. For some reason, the scientific method of determining what is factual and what is not is confused with 'science.'
- It is competition that brings out the best in people – regardless of the fact that research for the past ten or twenty years has determined otherwise.
- Many Republican politicians are Dominionists. To quote from Wiki, "Dominion theology (also known as dominionism) is a group of Christian political ideologies that seek to institute a nation governed by Christians based on their understandings of biblical law. In the context of American evangelical efforts to penetrate and transform public life, the distinguishing mark of a dominionist is a commitment to defining and carrying out an approach to building society that is self-consciously defined as exclusively Christian, and dependent specifically on the work of Christians, rather than based on a broader consensus.:
- It is morally acceptable for business to lobby government, despite this being defined as state capture in other countries and being seen as corruption and therefore illegal.
All these view points are morally reprehensible to me. Human beings are a social species. We survived as a species because we cooperated with each other and we looked out for each other. Competition, including warfare in its extreme form, depletes us.
Cooperation is Better than Competition
Conservatives Stances are Inhumane and Unkind.
When I have analyzed all those perspectives, what remains is that while some will undoubtedly benefit from those politiies, the majority will not.
Those who come from poor homes cannot afford excellent education, and if the goverment doesn't supply it, they are lost for all time.
Those who struggle through ill health, disability, or some other fate will find themselves homeless sooner or later. Of course, if through an accident of fate, they have wealthy parents or an independent income, then they will be fine.
When religious perspectives are forced on those who do not believe those dogmas, then there is no freedom of belief. People's lives become a misery because they cannot openly share their views. Atheists are the most distrusted and hated people in America. I am an atheist.
When people support a political stance that is inhumane, then people who support such a regime must be inhumane themselves.
The Bottom Line? I Would Never Date a Conservative!
The ethical and moral stance of any individual is vitally important to my acceptance or rejection of them.
I cannot accept those who impose a system that is inhumane to people. I don't care successful they are, or how kind and generous they are to their friends and those of like-belief system. When people only support those whom they love or those who are like them, that is tribal. I am a humanist - I support policies that enable all human beings to flourish regardless of creed and class.
Being universalist or humanist doesn't mean that I have to associate with everybody, and it doesn't mean I have to agree with everybody. It means that I think that everybody is entitled to sufficient resources to enable them to live well. Any political system that discrimintes against the weak, the disabled, the less-than-successful, or those of a different creed or color, is not one I support, and I certainly cannot be friends or loves with anyone who supports such a system.
Ergo, I could never date a conservative.
This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.
© 2017 Tessa Schlesinger
Partsking on March 21, 2019:
Yeah, no, that never happened. :D
Tessa Schlesinger (author) on January 26, 2019:
"Hidden Name." Thank you for providing an excellent example of exactly the kind of of thinking and behavior that I will not tolerate in someone I might date.
I am not much of an admirer of the kind of moral cowardice you display in not revealing your name. The Democrats are not destroying America. The American culture is destroying itself.
I also cannot be 'a large part of the party getting destroyed' because a) I am not American and b) I have never been able to vote in America because I never took on American citizenship while an LEGAL immigrant.
However, I would never date a Republican for the reasons expressed.
Hidden Name on January 25, 2019:
Tessa Schlesinger, you are a terrible person. It's not just that you don't want to date a Republican, it's that you want to silence anybody with different views than you. The Democratic party is destroying America, and you are part of that destruction. You don't believe in democracy. The Democrats have hit an all time low, and you are a large part of the party getting destroyed.
Larry W Fish from Raleigh on April 07, 2018:
Tessa, when I saw this article I just had to read it. The republican party in the US has gotten about as low as it possibly can under Trump. Notice I said Trump, I will never consider him as my president. You should be proud of yourself for having the morals and outlook on life that you have.
Tessa Schlesinger (author) on March 23, 2018:
Lorelei, it has been my experience that Republicans don't think the political views of women matter when it comes to relationships. I had a strong reaction to this article when it was posted on a Trump supporter site. I was called ignorant and told that I could never have met a Republican and that everything I wrote was wrong. Puzzled me no end...
Lorelei Cohen from Canada on March 23, 2018:
I so 100% agree with your stance. I did not discuss my husband's political views with him pre-marriage and wish I had. I married a conservative and we have certainly had our battles over it. Now married 11 years I haven't changed in my views but courtesy of my constant fact checking he has become more aware of the political games being played and has fortunately made significant gains in his views. He is definitely much above the lies and bluster of the republican theology. Our marriage is working but I likely would never choose this pathway again. Respect, tolerance, environment, and peace are important words in my vocabulary.
Tessa Schlesinger (author) on March 13, 2018:
Shawn, and other Trump supporters. I have deleted all posts from you. The last one unread. Not interested. Any further posts from Republicans will be deleted unread.
Gordon Hodson on December 19, 2017:
I agree with every word you've written in this article. I just wish there was a solution available that all could agree upon.
Kari Poulsen from Ohio on December 06, 2017:
I used to be a Republican in the early 80's, but I was a kid, what did I know. My parents were Republican and it was how I was raised. Over the years I have come to the opinion that Republicans need a little more empathy and a little less superiority. I could not date a Republican because they just do not believe in helping others. :)