How Can We Take Trump Seriously?

Updated on December 29, 2017
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Christopher Peruzzi was the creator of Vikar's Rant back in the early 2000s. It was a site for rants and jokes. He has since calmed down.

It's Hard to Take This Seriously

I promised myself I wouldn’t do this again.

This is a difficult promise to keep, though. Not commenting on Trump in this modern world of constant media streaming is like bringing a concentration camp victim to a full buffet table and telling him not to eat. Sure, you can tie the poor man up as full plates of succulent food pass before his quivering taste buds, but that’s just cruel and unusual punishment.

So, here I am… again.

The problem that the GOP has is that Trump is going to be Trump regardless of who is babysitting him. General Kelly can only do so much in coaching him and offering common sense political advice. But that’s never a long-term fix. Sometime in the middle of the night, our current commander and chief will rise from a dead sleep, grab his Blackberry, go on several one-hundred-and-forty-character tweet rants before his brain shuts down in a brilliant explosion of covfefe.

When the next morning comes, the nation will wake up to his petulant ramblings exposing him to be a barely literate chief executive.

This is what we have now. We have this. We don’t have a brilliant orator in office. He’s no Roosevelt, Kennedy, Clarence Darrow, or even a William Jennings Bryan. He’s a maker of word salads and probably the stupidest man to ever hold our highest office.

He's NOT a Smart Guy

Yes, I said that. He’s stupid. It’s true. I checked.1

Don’t judge the man by his wallet. He inherited the bulk of his fortune from his family and his company has traditionally underperformed in the stock market. That's a fact.

Trump Steaks, Trump Airlines, Trump Taj Mahal, Trump Magazine, Trump Vodka – all were spectacular failures. He’s filed for bankruptcy four times.

He’s not a smart guy. He's just unscrupulous.

Don't get me wrong. Being unscrupulous gets people far to a point. That point is after they're exposed for being unscrupulous. Then no one does business with them.

Don't believe me? That's okay. Chances are that Trump's supporters aren't rich enough to do business. The ones that are rich enough don't do business with him. Those that have learned the hard way that the man doesn't honor his own deals.

After that, they're no longer supporters.

If you don’t believe me you can talk to any of the people who got stiffed in contracts (from stiffing Freehold Music in piano sales during his Taj days or the caterer who did his marriage to Marla Maples – all lost because Trump buried them in legal fees) or performed services that later became “volunteer work” (his campaign staff) or the poor bastards who gave him money for Trump University (where he pleaded “No contest” and still got out ahead).

Just remember: the kid that rips the wings off of flies is not intelligent, just a sick bully who enjoys his power over things.

He’s just really kinda dumb. Dumber than Jackson, Tyler, Taylor, Andrew Johnson, Ford, Hoover, Fillmore, Pierce, Harding, or even Dubya. Each of these Presidents who had terrible administrations had failed one way or another. Some Presidents, like James Buchanan, were quite intelligent but made really bad choices. Trump makes all these subpar Presidents seem like gods.

Really, he makes Dubya look like John Gielgud.

Just read his tweets or listen to him talk about clean coal.

It’s nearly impossible to read one of his transcripts without hearing him speak it because he never finishes a complete thought. We, as literate people, need complete thoughts from our leader. We need a subject and a verb and something to end the thought that makes sense. Trump doesn’t do that. Reading his words (the words he says not what others write for him) is like reading complete random gibberish.

Here’s a sample:

Trump's Word Salad
Trump's Word Salad

I laugh because all throughout Obama’s Presidency, we listened to the GOP make fun of Joe Biden’s gaffes.

And yes, Biden made gaffes. Huge ones.

Even Democrats sat back and could laugh at them. Gaffes. That’s what they were: Unintentional acts or remarks that caused embarrassment. Biden made whoppers as Vice President.

But Republicans shouldn’t laugh too hard; people my age still remember Dan Quayle – a man who dabbled in gaffes the way most artists dabble in watercolors.

With Trump, it’s true stupidity.

Which is being kind. Stupidity is a condition that we all slip into every now and then. Every so often we’re not mindful and we do something stupid like denting the car or putting the batteries in our thermostat the wrong way around. We do stupid things.

Trump’s stupidity is one born of ignorance. He’s most likely a graduate of the “I-heard-it-from-some-guy” University with coursework in “My-old-man-always-said” College.


He just doesn’t know what he’s doing. In many ways, I truly pity him. It was like some part of his own mind whispered to him, “You know what? You could be President. It’s not a hard job. You could do it.”

Then Trump’s mind, the same mind (backed by his tremendous ego) that had to have flunked Civics in that military school he was sent to – before he was sent to the Wharton School where the late professor William T. Kelley who taught marketing there, said “Donald Trump was the dumbest goddamn student I ever had.”2 – said, “Yes, I could… covfefe.”

In Trump's head, there was great rejoicing. Imaginary children looked up at his great orange face in awe as he lay platitudes taken from The Art of the Deal and taglines from The Apprentice. Fictitious people in the mountains would sing songs about his political prowess. Imaginary teenage girls, rated “tens” on his personal scale, would sigh to him as they offered him their flowering sexual fruit.

And all would be grand... in his head.

In reality, he didn’t realize that being President of the United States is literally the hardest job in the world which has mind-bogglingly amounts of tedious work and diplomacy.

No one in their right mind would ever want this job.

The Trump Campaign: Too Disorganized to Collude or Trump Collusion Confusion is Part of His Delusion

J.D. Gordon
J.D. Gordon | Source

A conservative friend of mine pinged me about a USA Today article written by JD Gordon. (USA Today, “Trump camp too disorganized to collude”, November 13, 2017)

Gordon was the spokesman for the Pentagon from 2005 to 2009 and later worked with the Trump campaign team. When members of the Trump campaign team had been in contact with the Russian ambassador, Sergei Kislyak, at the Republican National Convention in Cleveland, he was there. The media has documented how he came forward to talk about his part in it and how he was trying to soften any of the language for the Republicans' platform regarding "lethal defensive weapons" to the government of Ukraine, where Russia was sponsoring separatist fighters.

This went against Kislyak’s claim that he had not met with RNC or the DNC representatives despite the fact that Gordon and Carter Page had spoken directly with Kislyak.3

Gordon maintains the charges brought forth against Trump and the campaign are a hoax. He said mistakes were made by an inexperienced staff and some political operatives who may have committed some financial crimes.

Members of the Trump Campaign Team
Members of the Trump Campaign Team

You Try Washing Out Troubling Collusion Stains But You Still Have a Bad President in the White House

Gordon is not stupid.

His new article was not going to have any earth-shattering facts that could lead to an FBI summons. Instead, he offered the theory that the Trump camp was too disorganized to have colluded with the Russians and tells a tale of an overworked staff and there being “zero evidence” of campaign-related wrongdoing.

Whether this is true or not is up to debate.

However, I’m not going to buy the “They couldn’t have done it because they were too damn incompetent” excuse. Personally, I think the real scenario was getting their collusion mission done and the incompetence came later when no one planned for “Day 2” problems after the election.

Thus, if the Trump team entrenched themselves in power, they’d be practically impossible to remove from office. After all, the mechanisms available for doing that are few and hard to use.

There’s the 25th Amendment to the Constitution that might remove Trump from office pending proof of mental incompetence. There is also the impeachment process which requires a substantial majority vote.

The campaign team's primary goal was getting Trump to the White House. I think no one thought past that. It's probable no one covered their tracks.

In a way, it also follows Gordon’s theory of disorganization.

It’s an easy mistake to make. The mission was to get Trump to the Presidency. That was going to be difficult enough. The poll numbers back then were overwhelmingly in Clinton's favor. He had lost all three debates. The poll numbers from Nate Silver's 538 site, at one point, had a 90/10 probability of a Clinton win.

If you look at the footage of when Trump won, he was genuinely surprised.

Had Trump lost the election, no one would have cared if he had any contact with the Russians or Wikileaks. If they had, Trump would have probably slithered away, leaving his campaign team to take the blame.

It wasn’t that they were too stupid to pull off the collusion. It was they were too stupid to properly cover it up.


Should Trump be impeached?

See results

Think about it.

Remember when Trump told everyone he had nothing to do with the Russians?

You know, outside of the Miss America Pagent and when he claimed to have met Putin and then said he didn’t. Don’t be surprised by these factual errors on Trump’s part. Over seventy percent of what Trump says has varying degrees of inaccuracy and falsehoods (not to mention outright lies).4

Had there been any kind of preparation in covering this up, there never would have been any sort of mention from Eric Trump bragging to Golf magazine writer James Dobson about having access to over a hundred million dollars of Russian bank funds to develop new golf resorts.5

Nor would there be any kind of money trail going back to 2005 with Trump’s probable Russian money laundering scheme where he sold a forty million dollar Palm Beach home to a Russian “Fertilizer King” for a hundred million dollars and then the buyer sold it again for a break-even price.6

The literal truth of things is what will hang Trump.

Gordon also expressed his view on the impeachment case of Bill Clinton. His concern was when Kenneth Starr was brought on board as a special prosecutor the White Water charges (that Starr was supposed to investigate) that eventually turned into charges that had nothing to do with that investigation.

Bill Clinton was eventually done in, not on the White Water charges or even having consensual oral sex with Monica Lewinsky, but on the perjury he committed during his testimony.

Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky - Consenting Adults
Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky - Consenting Adults

In this respect, I think Gordon has a real point.

My prediction is simply the following. If there is an impeachment trial in the Senate, eventually Trump will have to take the stand like Clinton. What the charges will be are inconsequential. Whether this goes for the Russian collusion or whether it goes for money laundering or any of the hundred other crooked emoluments violations he’s guilty of, it really does not matter. You need to remember one thing and one thing only.

Trump is, at his core, a pathological liar.

Whether this is due to inherited dementia (like his father succumbed to) or because he just likes telling lies, he can’t reliably tell the truth. I’m not going to bring up sources of this because there are just way too many lies. However, what I will do is bring up the Politico statistic of seventy percent of the things he says are just untrue. Whether it has to do with the size of the Inauguration Day crowd or whether it has to do with Obama wire-tapping Trump Tower, or knowing or not knowing Putin, Trump can’t help himself.7

He just lies… badly.

Final Words

Carving of Molly Pitcher on the monument outside the Freehold Courthouse
Carving of Molly Pitcher on the monument outside the Freehold Courthouse

I can hear the Trump supporters now.

After they’ve finished this article and their lips stopped moving after they've taken their fingers away from their screens, they’ll be outraged. Truly, it is my expectation to see a litany of horribly spelled comments along with toxic insults about my mother.

Seriously, I don’t care. I'll gleefully accept my hit count while they fill my comments section with their venom or I'll just remove it entirely.

Their commentary won't affect my life at all.

It is highly unlikely that I’ll see them at my local supermarket or that they'll be at home or whether they'll create voodoo dolls in my likeness while sacrificing hamsters. I didn’t write this article for Trump supporters to like me.

Instead, I’ll say this.

I am passionate about my patriotism. I live in an area of New Jersey that is probably the heartland of the American Revolution. I literally live where the Battle of Monmouth took place. When I go to the Freehold Courthouse to visit the monument, part of me swells up with pride that I grew up in a country that took the price of liberty seriously and gave me the right to write articles like this.

I love my country. I hate what’s happened to my government.

Trump's statement for Charlottesville
Trump's statement for Charlottesville

I know I’m on the right side on this one. I judge that by knowing that the Ku Klux Klan and the White Nationalists are on the other side. The group of people that support Roy Moore and his child molestation ways, they're on the other side, too.

But let me get back to Trump.

As I value this country, I believe that it needs to be in the hands of someone who is not like Donald Trump.

I think we need a leader who respects the people enough to not tell us lies seventy percent of the time. I think we need a leader who sides with its people and not with corporations. I think we need a leader who isn’t looking to fatten his pockets by steering the laws of the land to his personal benefit.8

I think we need a leader who will keep us safe and secure and not antagonize an unstable leader who has access to nuclear missiles just because he got called a few names.

And wouldn’t it be nice to have a leader that hired a competent staff? How about one that could actually put the best people in charge instead of “the best people” in charge.9

How about we try this on for size? Wouldn’t it be nice if our President championed laws that helped everyone instead of destroying programs that do just that? How about keeping NPR and PBS? How about supporting public libraries?10, 11

Hey, how about we have a President who doesn’t want to screw the middle class?12

How about we not spend seventy billion dollars on a useless cross country border wall? Something that would be a testament to our leader’s racial intolerance while being a monument to his ego. Hoover got his dam. Trump wants his wall.13

How about he gives a crap about kids with cancer?14

How about not electing a swindler? I'm sure the people who bought into Trump University would like that.

How about someone with real family values? After all, he’s thrown his own brother’s family overboard when it came to taking care of his own family. Fred Trump, Jr. may have died a drunk but his younger brother should not have swindled his family out of his inheritance.15

Really, it would be nice.

Yes, I know there is a lot of toxic waste with this article. I know it. I’m not being fair and balanced because perhaps I have yet to see the other side. And just so you know, I’ve been looking for the silver lining to his Presidency. Yes, the deregulated corporate world in removing safeguards will inflate the market again. With that, we should all remember what happens when bubbles pop.

And yes, I fully acknowledge that this piece is geared to be a horrible muckraking article condemning our President. I don’t plan on changing anyone’s mind.

If you don’t like Trump, keep not liking him.

If you like Trump, go back to your crayons and coloring books and stay within the lines... and know, in the end, you did not help make America great again.


1 - Chicago Tribune, November 3, 2017, "Donald Trump's biggest flaw: He's not that bright"

2 - Foreign, “Donald Trump Is Proving Too Stupid to Be President”, June 16, 2017

3 - Kaczynski, Andrew, (9 March 2017). CNN, "Russian ambassador denied meeting with Trump or campaign officials in October speech" Retrieved 27 May 2017

4 - Politico, “Trump’s Lies vs. Your Brain”, January 2017

5 - The Guardian, “Eric Trump said family golf courses attracted Russian funding, author claims”, May 7, 2017

6 - Miami Herald, “Donald Trump and the mansion that no one wanted. Then came a Russian fertilizer king”, February 27, 2017

7 - The Nation, “Is Trump a Liar or a Lunatic? Both.”, October 11, 2017

8 - The Economist, “How Donald Trump is monetizing his presidency”, July 20, 2017

9 - The Washington Post, “Trump’s ‘best’ people aren’t even average”, July 25, 2017
10 - Fortune, “Trump Budget Has Public Broadcasting in a Fight for its Life”, March 16, 2017

11 - The Hill, “Trump drops the mother of all bombs on libraries”, May 15, 2017

12 - ABC News, “Trump adviser 'can't guarantee' taxes won't go up for the middle class”, September 28, 2017

13 - PolitiFact, “Would Trump’s border wall cost the same as one and a half U.S. aircraft carriers?”, April 29, 2017

14 - Forbes, “How Donald Trump Shifted Kids-Cancer Charity Money Into His Business”, June 29, 2017

15 - The Hill, “Trump helped draft will that excluded his brother's children”, January 2, 2016

© 2017 Christopher Peruzzi


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    • profile image

      Sanxuary 2 months ago

      His plan is the Putin plan. To establish an Oligarchy ran by the wealthiest people he picks to be wealthy. Every play is to destroy the Institutions and to establish his own. He will turn anyone against anyone and sow discontent if it achieves his objectives. The office is his throne and the peasants are his to do with as he chooses.

    • cperuzzi profile image

      Christopher Peruzzi 2 months ago from Freehold, NJ


      I had a conversation with a friend of mine who used to be one of the senior editors of Essentially, we thought about Trump and Republican partisanship and were able to legitimately say that if Mitt Romney had become President (at any point), we would be angry but we'd deal with him for four years. Plus, he might have actually done some good.

      However, it's different with Trump. We know conservatives and their broken economic models. We also know that other politicians know when they've gone too far. The old axiom used to be that a politician could survive anything except waking up with either a dead woman or a live boy.

      Trump's strategy is different as it uses the principles of systematic desensitization. The onslaught of the insane wrongness of what he is and that he offers a plethora of targets each day is enough to make any critic pull his hair out because he doesn't know what to attack first. Even as I wrote this article there were so many other things that I could have pointed to but didn't because there just isn't enough time to write them all down. Also, how much could a reader get through in one sitting?

      And I still don't know what to make of this clown. I'm not sure if he's stupid or evil or evil and stupid or just mentally ill. A good case could be made for any or all of these things. The only thing I know for sure is that when we make a comparative analysis of Trump's governance, we see that Obama, by comparison, is like Washington, Lincoln, Roosevelt (both), and Jefferson all rolled up in one amazing eloquent package.

      The simplistic complaint of everyone is that Trump is trying to undo everything Obama did because he's stupid and petty - but it's much worse than that. He's also undoing everything that FDR and TR did - because there's money in that for rich corporate backers. (Leave alone that Trump has personally profited from the pipeline deal to Alaska).

      I have to stop now because I'm getting dizzy from this and I need to take deep healing breaths.

    • profile image

      Sanxuary 2 months ago

      I am with you on this one. He is so not brillant that its scary. His cabinet picks contain the best of the best idiots ever found. Your last person who wrote on here is the true product of what the republicans have created. To dumb to believe the truth or any facts. Unable to believe in anything, They would support a draft dodger, possible traitor who committed treason. Has convinced those who believe in God that morals, ethics and humanity means nothing to their faith. Every day this President gives you the facts to convince you. Supporting Natzi`s, White Supremist, Attacking or destroying every Institution, raising your taxes if you do not earn enough, Supporting Pedophiles, the list goes on forever. If that guy is not convinced then we can only hope that someday the President will personally attack him and that he haves enough lies to convince himself it never happened. Keep on writing and remember they will eventually be reminded by those who saw how dumb and ignorant you have to be to support evil.

    • cperuzzi profile image

      Christopher Peruzzi 2 months ago from Freehold, NJ

      Mr. Happy,

      I’m showing my age a bit with John Gielgud. He was a classically trained Shakespearean actor. Most people know him as the butler from the Dudley Moore movie “Arthur”.

      “I’ll alert the media.”

    • Mr. Happy profile image

      Mr. Happy 2 months ago from Toronto, Canada

      Okay well, I ripped wings of flies when I was a kid. There were so many at my grandmother's house in the Carpathian Mountains. They'd fly in circles around the lamp on the ceiling. I'd let them live after, just not airborne anymore. Not proud of it but shit happens.

      I have no clue who John Gielgud is/was but when Dubya came along I thought: "there is no way there could be a dumber president". So, now I learned a lesson: things can always get worse lol

      You know, reading your part about his professors and school, I do honestly wonder how in the world did this guy even pass high-school, never-mind anything above that? Was it bribes? Did teachers feel sorry for him? What happened? He's dumber than Rocks and now I'm insulting Rocks. I apologise for that, just trying to make a point.

      " I know I’m on the right side on this one. I judge that by knowing that the Ku Klux Klan and the White Nationalists are on the other side." -You know You're on the right side because You're not on the same side with the KKK? That bar is set pretty low, no? lol jk

      "I think we need a leader who sides with its people and not with corporations." - The problem as I see it, is that I cannot recall a recent leader that hasn't sided with corporations. Democrat, or Republican, they're mostly bought out by the legal bribery called lobbying. Crooks everywhere, in terms of "leaders", it's just a matter of who's less crooked. This will remain to be so, until money is taken out of politics.

      In my opinion the silver lining is that Mr. Orangutan in Chief managed to galvanise a lot of people. Got people engaged in political discussions and got many active. I do not know why but people tend to be complacent when things are "alright". So, let things get bad and people will start paying attention and focusing on social/political issues.

      I can't believe You guys elected Trump. I forgive You but wow ... really wow LOL

    • cperuzzi profile image

      Christopher Peruzzi 2 months ago from Freehold, NJ

      @Dean Traylor - Yeah, I'm fully expecting that.

      However, I think it will take some time because they'll need to clean their laptop screens after they finish responding in crayon. And yes, I know that sounds juvenile, but we live in Trump America now and, literally, the foundation they stand on is made from rotting excrement and things filled with pustules. So, I'll either ignore them and go back to my Fox News money making strategy model based on the fact that these people will read my article like Pavlovian dogs responding to a ringing bell.

      They can be outraged. I encourage any kind of biological fault within their system to cause some kind of a rage-filled aneurysm. In any event, they will up my hit count and that will bring me more revenue. Literally, that's what Fox News does when they sell their media time. Their talking heads say outrageous things, the Trump supporters eat it up and watch more - while the Fox ad revenue goes up.

      So, the joke is on them.

      Another good point you made is about the alternative facts that will inevitably be mentioned. I have so little joy in my life that I need to bait these people in providing me with more comedy material based on the alternative history they'll provide. I'm sure someone out there has something regarding the heritage of Lincoln's slave illegitimate love child ran away to Kenya and parented someone in Obama's family tree.

      Whatever it is, I'm sure it will produce a terrific belly laugh.

      I'll leave you with this - I never said I was going to be nice and PC about this. Before I shut it down, Vikar's Rant was a testimony to all things irreverent. The fact that these people have dragged that facet of my personality out is their one small victory.

      Okay, now I can have my coffee.

    • Dean Traylor profile image

      Dean Traylor 2 months ago from Southern California

      Great Job...yep, the Trump apologists will come out in droves and try to shut you down (because they believe in free speech by hindering those that practice it). You'll probably get some real interesting alternative facts as they practice their confirmation bias (or in Trump's word, they'll write very, very a lot for very bigly reasons).

    • cperuzzi profile image

      Christopher Peruzzi 2 months ago from Freehold, NJ

      Bradmaster: Had you actually read the article you’d have seen I sourced a lot of it and addressed your questions.

      But please keep increasing my hit count.

    • bradmasterOCcal profile image

      bradmasterOCcal 2 months ago from Orange County California

      There is nothing factual in this article. It appears to be emotional instability based on the failure of Hillary Clinton spending one billion six hundred million dollars and losing big to Donald Trump.

      He beat the top sixteen GOP presidential candidates as well.

      He has accomplished many of his campaign promises.

      You are grief stricken along with others that supported the two time presidential candidate loser.

      If you want incompetence and stupidity, just look at the presidents that preceded him for twenty eight years.

      Trump didn't fail to stop 911 or even defend against the 911 attack. Trump didn't allow fail to protect the WTC bombing in 1993. He also didn't fail to find OBl after that attack.

      He didn't start the war in Afghanistan, or start the war in Iraq. He didn't allow ISIS to get territory ISIL.

      He didn't allow the country to go through two bubbles, the dot com and the housing bubble. The latter took down the US economy.

      Get some facts, that is after you go through grief counseling. Donald Trump is the US president, and neither the 25 amendment or Impeachment is going to change that.

      While president Trump is doing his job and completing his campaign promises, the democrats are doing nothing, absolutely nothing. Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are acting like terrorists, at least they seem to have the same goals. That is taking down president Trump even if it also takes down the country.

      Besides being anti president Trump, what do you stand for, and who is your president, and which country has that president?

      The democrats thanks to Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama along with the rest of the democrats in congress have created a rift in the people of the US. The democrats have done it once before when they started the Civil War.