Donald Trump Doesn't Want To Be President.

Art is supposed to imitate life, not the other way round.

It started as a perceived practical joke, the American people were no doubt being Punk’d. I mean come on, Mr. You’re Fired as the ruler of our country? As someone who has played his reputation up for the cameras on comedy skit show SNL, numerous movies and tv shows and in a very memorable scripted episode of WWF where if I remember correctly he hit someone over the head, tied them to a chair and shaved their head. Trump never seemed to take himself seriously, nor his businesses or marriages. Trump running for President? Yeah okay, I saw that Simpson’s episode too, very funny. Trump doesn’t want to be president.

We waited for Trump to fall away, get bored or voted out. He’d make the rounds of all the talk shows, hawk his hotels, maybe even squeeze out a new book and then return to his tv show and tanning schedule. Now it feels like this is the reverse Truman Show, with Trump being the only one who really knows what’s going on. I think even he has been surprised by this outcome. The presidential nominees list is always crowded early on, attention seekers trying to get their 15 minutes of fame has in the past included everything from hardcore porn stars to ex-wrestlers. So when the guy with the loud mouth and gravity defying hairstyle stood on stage and talked crap about the other opponents we chuckled. We giggled at the things that came out of his mouth, we even appreciated his zingers as he called the rest of the presidential nominees on their shit, told off the media and even the American public. It was like being front row at a comedy show, you know you’ll be singled out but it’s the good-natured roasting you paid for. Besides, no harm no foul because Donald Trump doesn’t want to be president.

"Make America Great Again" isn't really a much better slogan.

In 2000 The Simpsons cartoon predicted President Trump, and all the hell it would unleash.
In 2000 The Simpsons cartoon predicted President Trump, and all the hell it would unleash. | Source

This isn't Reality TV, it's Real Life.

What we didn’t count on, couldn’t foresee was what America has become. In addition to the racism, sexism, and any intolerance you can think of, America is hooked on reality TV. We make stars out of nobodies, are fascinated with peeking into the day-to-day lives of even the most mundane existences. There seems to be a show for everything. When was the last time you peeked eagerly into a pawn shop to see what was going on? Spent hours at a dog groomer’s watching them work? Tattoo parlor? Repo business? Followed around a random stranger to see who he dates and who he doesn’t, like on The Bachelor? All of the above have shows that are actually thriving, commercial endorsements and all.

For some reason putting something on television, with background music and close-ups makes us think things are more dramatic, more comedic, more interesting than they really are. American voters seems to think what they are watching is the best reality TV show ever! They want him to stay, talk his shit about women, muslims and other countries. He’s the evil octogenarian millionaire you love to hate from a dozen soap operas who controls everyone in town because in some way their livelihood is dependent on him. Like Cersei Lannister you kind of want him to stick around because things would be boring without him, he really knows how to “shake things up”. Even as he became more and more successful and other nominees fell away, people didn't take it seriously. A popular joke going around was that Trump is proof you should just go ahead and apply for that job you want, even if you don't have any experience.

But the gag is, Donald Trump doesn’t want to be president! I don’t know if his running was an independent idea, or if it’s a conspiracy cooked up between him and the Clintons years ago to have someone available to be the brash fall guy and push voters towards Hillary. Sound far-fetched and illuminati-ish? Not really, we know that the two aren’t exactly enemies, he’s donated to both her and her husband’s campaigns and she was a guest at his latest wedding. We know, or at least I know, that good politicians play the long game. Like hippos they can be running full speed on the ocean floor without a ripple in sight on the surface, only showing themselves when and how they choose to be seen.

Billions of dollars are spent on research and focus groups just so experts can figure out how to manipulate people on behalf of, fast food companies, greeting card manufacturers, lawyers choosing jurors, fashion companies wanting you to fall in love with the color cerulean blue, pharmaceutical companies who want you hooked on their latest drugs, The Kardashians and yes, politicians running for office.

This really wasn't that long ago.

Trump led the "birthers" movement against Barack Obama in 2008 in an attempt to help Hillary win.
Trump led the "birthers" movement against Barack Obama in 2008 in an attempt to help Hillary win. | Source

Tweet me your decision and why using a hashtag below, @BklynSprngWtr

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What's a guy gotta do to get run out of town?

Cue The Donald. Do you think that Hillary Clinton’s people haven’t learned, after all of her unsuccessful campaigns in the past, that there just isn’t a way to get the majority of Americans to both like and trust her? Do you think that someone didn’t come up with the idea that they needed a Lucifer to stand next to Satan, but give one a brightly colored pantsuit to wear and a kitten to hold? They probably loaded Trump up with all the dirt he’d need on the other Republican nominees, the same way America armed the people of Afghanistan when they were “the enemy of our enemy” in our cold war with the Russians. Anyone recall how that worked out for us?

There’s a quote by writer H.L. Mencken that goes, “No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public”. This is something I think Trump forgot about when he chose to cater to all of America’s “isms”, the cheap seats, the lowest common denominator. Trump is now in a game of chicken with America and while I think there is a small part of his ego that wouldn’t mind seeing himself in the Oval Office with his feet up on the desk and Melania on her knees, there is a sensible part where he knows, “you don’t want those problems”.

He is now doing everything he can to lower his approval rating and escape. He’s calling women pigs, kicking babies out of arenas, insulting every minority group in alphabetical order, I think he’s somewhere around ’S’ so Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson beware, your Samoan ass is probably next! Trump is disparaging to other countries, disrespectful to our military and most recently he actually made a not so veiled suggestion that Hillary Clinton be assassinated. Take my word for it, Donald Trump doesn’t want to be president!

I mean, he’ll do it if you fools make him, but right now the man is clearly desperate, trying to figure out what can he do to turn you off. I mean, he felt his own daughter up in public on stage at the Republican Convention, this following a statement he made a few years back that implied the only reason he wasn’t tapping that was solely the shared last name. All this has seemed to earn him is Woody Allen’s endorsement and a polling boost in North Carolina.

He really, really doesn't.

By the time this article goes to press Trump will probably have said and done half a dozen more outrageous things. He probably wishes Cecil the Lion and Harambè the silverback gorilla were still alive, so he could feature himself in a commercial blasting them with an AK-47, maybe with a little torture thrown in first for good measure. Then again, that would probably just get him all the fur-loving, 2nd amendment votes. Please people, let him off the hook. Hillary may be, well Hillary, but at least she wants the job. Donald Trump doesn’t want to be president!

This is either going to be really sweet or really creepy. Survey says...Creepy!

1 comment

Kathleen Cochran profile image

Kathleen Cochran 2 months ago from Atlanta, Georgia

Republican Joe Scarboro said on TV recently that he thinks Trump will get the last laugh - that all this candidacy was always to make way for a Trump TV network where members will pay to watch him continue to comment on everything that happens in DC. He'll make millions for doing exactly what he's gotten hooked on: media coverage and outrageous views. It would be a genius way to spend the rest of his life. We'll see.

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