Redneck 101: How to be 100% Redneck!
Redneck: Born or made?
Who is a redneck? What does redneck mean?
I'm no language expert, so I can't exactly explain the origin of that title. But I could tell you what I understand a real "redneck" to actually be, and why we are the way we are. The comedian Jeff Foxworthy got his start by telling us jokes that we "might be a redneck if" and following it with things like "you mow the yard and find a car." Well, there may or may not be some truth to that. But what are some real signs that....yes...it could be....you might be a REDNECK!!!
- Do you live in the Southern USA?
I was born in the Southeastern USA. Does that make me automatically "redneck"? Not necessarily. But in my case, it definitely helps. While this is not always a primary factor in redneckedness, it can significantly increase the chances of you actually being a member of "Redneck Nation!"
- Do you live in a manufactured home? Many people refer to rednecks as "trailer park trash" or some other epithet. While all redneck people do not live in what is correctly called a "mobile home," a whole lot of rednecks do prefer to call manufactured homes their abode.
- Are you a NASCAR fan? Furthermore, are you obsessed with the Earnhardts?
NASCAR: Entertaining rednecks (and causing the occasional drunken fistfight) since 1947. If you are a fan, you might be a redneck.
WAL-MART (AKA "WallyWorld") Rodney Carrington
Can you spot a redneck by their clothes and hairstyle? Well, of course we all have our own style choices, but these particular ones are iconic of the Redneck Nation.
- Men: Do you sport unkempt facial hair and a longer hairstyle?
- Ladies: Do you have an affinty for tube tops and "Daisy Duke" shorts? Do you spend a lot more time in a tanning bed than you probably should?
- Both genders: Do you have tattoos? Are you fond of camouflage clothing? What about logo t-shirts?
- Do you find yourself shopping most often at Wal-Mart? Sam Walton's superstores are a virtual redneck haven, drawing the members of Redneck Nation in droves on Friday and Saturday nights! Is your wardrobe labelled "Puritan," "Faded Glory," "Basic Edition," or any of the other Wal-Mart labels?
What do rednecks do for fun? Personally, I think the main redneck entertainments can be divided into TV programs, and typical "country" activities, like mud runs and dirt bikes. Here are some typical redneck TV choices.
- Do you watch CMT (Country Music Channel) or GAC (Great American Country) or similar networks on TV, often daily?
These cable networks seem to appeal to most redneck men and women. They feature Country music videos (a redneck favorite) and various shows aimed at the hillbilly set! One of my favorites growing up was "Trick My Truck," the redneck version of MTV's "Pimp My Ride." Now that was a long time ago, but there are still a lot of great redneck TV programs out there.
- Are you a fan of the following TV programs:
- The Dukes of Hazzard
- Little House on The Prairie
- The Andy Griffith Show
- Hee Haw
- The Beverly Hillbillies
Just actually knowing what these shows were about increases your redneck quotient!!
Typical Redneck Musical tastes!
What do most redneck people listen to? What kinds of audio entertainments delight us after a hard days work? After a easy day's layin' around? While workin'? While bein' no account? Well, let us see...
- Rednecks like funny songs
Anything (well almost) by the great Ray Stevens.
Anything by Rodney Carrington (he appeals to men mostly).
Anything that makes fun of rednecks in a warm manner. We love to make fun of ourselves.
- Rednecks like extremely patriotic songs
"God Bless The USA" by Lee Greenwood
"America" by The Charlie Daniels Band
"A Country Boy Can Survive" by Hank Williams Jr.
- Rednecks adore Southern Rock!
The Allman Brothers
- Rednecks like Classic Rock!
Anything by Ted Nugent
Anything by ZZ Top
Foghat, especially their hit from the 70's, "Slow Ride!"
- Rednecks like their Country Music!
Classic Country from artists like Waylon, Conway Twitty, Willie, and Hank Sr and Jr!
Hot new Country from artists like Brooks and Dunn, Gretchen Wilson, Jake Owen, Trace Adkins, and Carrie Underwood!
Now, this is a pretty comprehensive lists of redneck musical tastes, but keep in mind that there are lots of options within each of these categories. I've barely scratched the surface of all the Country musicians out there, for example.
What Do Rednecks Like To Eat?
Come across a gathering of local redneck peoples and you are liable to find any number of foods both home-cooked and store-bought, and then there is "eatin' out!" Here are a few of our favorites.
- Redneck Home Cookin:
Most of the cooking done in typical redneck families is done by the woman of the house. Some redneck men cook, sure, but very few would brag about it! Some of the favorite redneck home cooked foods would include things like fried okra, fried squash, fried green tomaters, fried potaters: almost anything fried!!
Redneck people are big on what those well versed in redneck lore call, "Beans and Cornbread!" That would be a dish consisting of a heaping helping of beans, usually slow cooked pinto beans, accompanied by a serving of bread made from cornmeal that has been baked in the home's oven! It is a delight to the tastebuds of any redneck man who has "werked hard all day and is tarred!"
- Store-Bought Redneck Food Favorites :
Redneck peoples also enjoy a number of food items that are bought in the store and require little or no cooking. Some of these things include ice cream sandwiches, pork rinds, and corn nuts.
We're also big fans of microwaveable store-bought food. It's just so darn convenient! Favorites include microwaveable sausage and biscuits, microwaveable bacon, and Campbell's Soup (usually Chicken Noodle).
Enjoying WAFFLE HOUSE (Welcome to Redneck Nation!)
2. "Eatin' Out" With the Rednecks!
Usually, once a week, following payday, the redneck family will pile into the truck and head over to eat out! Where do they go? What do they like? Well, we like a number of food types and popular restaraunts.
Have you been to any of these?
- Cracker Barrel
- Po' Folks (This is now defunct; was once popular in the southeastern USA.)
- Waffle House (This is a genuine redneck hangout. You WILL find rednecks here)
- Huddle House (This is another, inferior, version of Waffle House.)
- Logan's Roadhouse
- Western Sizzlin (This is a prime example of a major redneck food place, complete with "All you can eat" buffet!)
- Shoney's (Another "All you can eat")
- Ci-Ci's Pizza Buffet
- Chuck E. Cheese (A popular children and parents pizza place. This is the subject of a hilarious song by the performer Tim Wilson!)
One Comedian (Tim Hawkins) on "CRACKER BARREL"
Let Us REE-Veew!
Okay! Let's consider what we have larned bout' us rednecks!
- What this world needs, according to Mr. Charlie Daniels anyway, is a few more rednecks! (Charlie is another redneck favorite) Yew might wanna think bout' that come November when y'all go out thar and vote!
- Get the curtainclimbers and the porchmonkeys and the rugrats and git in that thar vehicle and take a trip over to the local Wal-Mart after your meal at Waffle House!
- Crank up some Hank or Charlie or Gretchen and play that thar music LOUD and PROUD!!
- Men! Grow out your beard and git started on that Ballcap collection! Beer logos and confederate flags and dumb sayings work jus' fine!
- Women! Head over to the tanning bed and burn yourself into a crisp!
Keep all these things in mind and remember to watch CMT religiously and yew might make a good redneck someday, Grasshopper!