To Bra or Not to Bra: A Question of Acceptance
When one has rather large man boobs, the question is: "to bra or not to bra." I have read a number of well written blogs on this site on the subject of men who like to wear bras. I have read on many other sites about men who wish to rid themselves of their man boobs. The Internet abounds with proposed solutions for gynecomastia, yet whilst reading this info one sees ads for methods for men to develop breasts for transvestite or transsexual reasons. So far I have nowhere seen anything on just accepting the way one is. Is any happy just as they are?
Why am I writing this? Because men in bras is a subject close to home. I was born a boy and brought up as such, but at 12 years old my breasts started to develop and I retained a smooth face till the age of 25, when due to repeated shaving a beard developed. So I was a mix between two states; not good in a bipolar society, one should be only one or the other. But is not the same all around the world; there are some cultures where it is OK to be different.
People Who Do Not Fit in One Box or the Other
I saw a National Geographic video recently about Samoa. Perhaps 1-5% of people from Samoa identify as a third sex, Fa'afafine. Sometimes a family will designate a male child to be raised as a girl. Since they are raised as girls they are accepted as girls. They are physically men, but they are accepted as women because they look and act like women, so when they have sex with men, it's not considered homosexual. And in Thailand there are the now famous kathoey, historically a term for a kind of third sex.
I get uptight every time i have to fill out a form and you have to tick those boxes "Male or Female" with nothing in between. Why do we have to be pushed into these two categories only, when a lot of people are in between. In North America there are the: "Two-Spirit" (also two spirit or twospirit) people are American Indians who fulfill one of many mixed gender roles found traditionally among many American Indian and Canadian First Nations indigenous groups.
In the examples given above these people are socially accepted although they could not tick the male or female box only.
I did have a girlfriend once who accepted me wearing bras and found it fun, but this was different to some one who gets a kick out of putting on a bra stuffed with tissues, as I had something to fill those C+ cups. Recently when I did a 40 day fast and became 17 kg lighter, I sure needed a bra to stop my now-drooping breasts from wobbling around and hitting men in the eye when i went for a run.
The problem is that we do not live in a vacuum, so to be able to accept our selves we need the people around to be more tolerant. I'd like to go down to the beach and take my top off without everyone staring, which no longer bothers me but gets my girlfriend's ire up, and my 8 yrs old son did not want to accompany me to the beach because he is embarrassed about my boobs.
I was helped to accept myself as I am when I googled "hermaphrodite images" and I found photos of ancient statues with breasts and a male sex, and I thought in those times not only were such creatures evidently accepted but possibly revered enough to make a statue, cos making a statue is a whole lot of work.
So now that I have decided to accept the way I am, and often do wear a bra, I still cannot wear it all the time though it makes life more comfortable. I still feel the need to wear a loose jacket to be able to cover up if I meet someone that I know.
The first road to happiness is to just accept yourself, love yourself the way you are. As Sondra Ray says in her book The Only Diet There Is:
If you love your body it will cooperate with your mind. If you say I don't like my body," then your body must do whatever you DON'T want it to do in order to please you!
This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.
PaulaPlaytex on April 14, 2020:
Since I have big breasts, I need & want to wear a Bra...My Bra size is a 48C/48D-Cup...I never go anywhere without my Bra on.
unknown on October 21, 2014:
All comments are totally on the mark. have a few years myself and am getting boobs. love the feel and support of a bra and am becoming more accustomed to wearing in public. no one seems to notice and I usually wear loose shirts, so no difficulties. just be yourself as everyone has stated and go on.
Ananomyous on October 04, 2014:
I think that people should just be themselves and they shouldn't feel pressure from other people to be different then they are. I feel that people should accept people who are different instead of suggesting that everyone should be the same.
@kamal41 gmail. on April 14, 2014:
Every man weare a bra bra is the best salustion who have a larg breast. Lick a woomen.
bumpus on February 08, 2013:
I am a late-middle aged male who is somewhat overweight but happy that my efforts to lose some of that excess are successful; I have fewer inches around my waist, and not so many pounds on the scales. Little by little....
The fact that my body is trimmer doesn't mean that my gynecomastia has done an about-turn, though. After all, it's hormonal. I don't have a problem with my breasts, not even as my monitoring of vital stats proves that they are still growing. I'm happy to be who I am.
At present, I generally wear a sports bra for work, more for comfort than anything else. I'm becoming increasingly aware that, if my breasts continue to grow beyond their present size (B-cup), sooner or later I will have to wear a more traditional bra. With that in mind, I've already been checking out some local stores. After reading this, it occurred to me that I didn't feel embarrassed when I was doing that. I don't need my wife to come along to provide emotional support (although she's usually with me).
I might have reacted differently if I experienced gynecomastia as a teen or even thirty-year old man. But now, I gladly accept my present situation. So much publicly available advice consists of "how to get rid of male breasts", and the majority opinion seems to follow that path with the added benefit that, apparently, men with gynecomastia must also be outcasts laden with guilt. Not so this guy, though. All the same, it does make me feel better to know that there are other guys who are experiencing the same thing.
If my breasts grow to what are more "womanly" size, I will continue to be me. And, in the face of ignorance and bigotry, be even more determined to do what I do and be whom I am. That determination sometimes translates into wanting them to grow much larger.
As far as I have come, I am not willing to be less than I am.
I hope that this helps those who are having difficulties coming to terms with having breasts. It's all good.
Jon on June 02, 2012:
wow! your blog on this is awesome! I am a heterosexual tall skinny guy with a 38B. Hormones are a funny thing in life :/ anyways... As i get older i am noticing things. Tried a kilt for the first time this year in preparation for a wedding. wholly cow now i now know why men in kilts have there own little click when wearing one because of the societal judging that happens. am now converting to wearing skirts of the not so feminine type as a result of that experience. pants are no fun compared to a skirt, no "adjustment" required in a skirt. along those lines of thinking. what really is a "womens garment"? nothing really anymore in this day and age. what it really boils down to if it fits it becomes part of "your style" and don't look back. people will either love or hate you for it and that is that persons problem. lol look at prince he founded his multi-million dollar career on be flamboyant. the fashion runways express this flamboyant style and have done so for the last 10 years for men.
so now i have found that wearing a bra is going to be part of my life as a guy because for all the same reasons women complain. it hurts if you don't wear one with certain activities. like... aaa... jogging... haven't done that in years, need to though and now i can because of accepting who i am and am not. boobs are boobs on a man or women which function the same from conception. they really do need the same kind of garments for support to give a better quality of life for some.
one just has to be confident and hold those eyes forward. try to keep it modest is what i have found for others to be excepting of. smile at the hatred of your societal threatening existence to the gender roles. someday i hope the gender roles have more options without the judgmental pressures.
good luck out there and just keep in mind that there are some of us confident regular guys out there in your support of breaking out of the Victorian age!
bigbreasts on April 14, 2009:
My breasts are not big but I have worn bras since I was . I am 70 now and wear silicone breast forms under my male clothes. People think I have man boobs. If I my wife lts me I will get female silicone breast implants. I told her iif it feels good just do it and she said OK. I am getting Nigh profile D breasts. I can hardly wait.
Tim on February 20, 2009:
You have nothing to be ashame of, there are many people in this situation. I have also gynecomastia for many years. I have breasts since I was quite young and was considering operations and various treatments over the years but found that (ater consulting with many experts) that it is more a question of accepting who I am. I think the main issue was that my mother helped me a lot during young age. Since I can rememeber she encouraged me to feel good about myself and was very helpful, so I am using bras since many years now. My mother helped me with this and I think there is no problem of a man wearing a bra. Today I am married and have kids and I wear bra everyday. Most of the people around me knows that it is a medical conditions and that's the way it is. I enjoy wearing bras as it very helpful for me and I am not even embaressed todaty to go into a shop and buy one for myself. I am always surprised how considirate people are - never I have a problem in a bra shop after explaining the situation and most sales ladies are doing their best to fit me the best solution.
daytona from Bolingbrook, Illinois on October 03, 2008:
Goldflow, I totally understand what your going through. I was raised by my Mother, and being the youngest of 4 children, 3 of which were girls, I was treated as a female for most of my youthful years. My sisters used to dress me in their clothes and being of an extremely limited budget, my undergarments were usually female in nature. (panties and stockings and yes, bras.) While my breasts do not fill a C-cup bra they do fill a B-cup without a problem. I do wear my femme undergarments to this day, and have no plans to change. I do not worry about or fret about my body as it is the only one I have. I am totally comfortable with my life style and my forced feminity. I am married and have 2 girls and 2 boys in my family. My wife and kids know about me and have never criticized or shown any embarrassment about me as their husband or father. What I would suggest to you is that you try one of the newer sports bras as they are extremely comfortable and can be a little more concealing for those delicate meeting situations. My daughters got and gave me some for Xmas 2 years ago and they are great. If I can help further, please e-me and lets talk and maybe put a joint effort on HubPages. Daytona