Why It Can Be Difficult for a Japanese to Feel like They "Fit-In" In Japan
Here in Japan, I am called a Nikkei, a person of Japanese descent not living in Japan, or one who has been brought up outside of Japan. I am a third generation Japanese-Canadian; my grandparents on both my mother’s and father’s side immigrated to Canada in their youth. You may think that being of 100% Japanese descent makes it easy for me to fit-in well in Japan, however, I feel that I am far from it. My parents were born in Canada and although they could communicate in Japanese at first, after the internment of the Japanese during the Second World War, my grandparents thought it would be better to make them speak English at all times. As a result, both my parents lost most of their ability to speak Japanese, and I grew up knowing only English (and French as a second language, being Canadian). Although my family kept many of the Japanese traditions going, there was still a lot I didn’t know about my roots. About 7 years ago, I ventured to take advantage of my last year of eligibility in obtaining a Working Holiday Visa, and went to Japan to learn more about my background culture. I ended up getting married to a Japanese, loving the culture and have only gone back to Canada for short visits to see my family and friends. Even so, I have accepted the fact that I will always feel a bit like an outsider in Japan.
Both my first and last name are typical Japanese names, so this immediately means that when poeple see this, they start speaking to me as if I were native here. This is understandable except that I am still learning the language and when it comes to me at full speed, with lots of words not yet memorized by my slowly aging brain, a lot of what’s said will fly over my head. Those of you learning a second language probably know how hard it is to catch everything when said at a normal speed. This naturally leads me to have a worried or confused look on my face. Sometimes I forget to explain that I may be Japanese but was brought up in Canada, and in turn the speaker will also begin to look very confused.
When encountering someone who hasn't seen or heard my Japanese name, I am often thought to be from China or Korea. To them, ‘if I do not speak Japanese well and have an Asian face, I must have come from one of those Asian countries’. Most Japanese I meet for the first time will be surprised that I am Canadian because their image of one does not include an Asian appearance. Countless times I have been spoken to in Chinese or Korean by people wanting to try their knowledge of those languages on me. This confuses me because I sometimes take it in as a Japanese word that I have forgotten, and find myself trying to rack my brain over what the meaning is.
Can't Help Feeling I Will Never Fit In
There have been many times where my Japanese roots and childhood upbringing probably helped me understand the ways and the mentality of the Japanese when I first came to Japan. However, as time went on, I realized that with my broken Japanese and with the admiration and curiosity that the Japanese have for Western cultures, I will always be set apart. I used to work in a restaurant as a waitress in Japan, and even though it was probably not their intention, I was hurt sometimes by people making fun of my imperfect Japanese. When asked my country of origin I would tell them I am from Canada. When spoken to in other Asian languages, I would tell them I do not speak those languages, and that English is my mother tongue. The reaction I got was usually one of huge shock because they least expected an Asian to be from a Western country. I usually ended up explaining that I am actually a Nikkei. They would go on to apologize, the mood lightened and I would hear words like kakkoi, referring to how “cool” they thought it was that I am Canadian and can speak English. They would become really interested and asked questions about my home country.
I also see this deep interest in Western cultures when I walk around the city with friends who, to the Japanese, are obviously from the West. We immediately get heads turning our way, and always get really great service wherever we go. People often seem eager and happy to kindly help us with directions, or with finding something in a store. Again, once people find out that I am Canadian, they get equally excited. Some want to try their English out on me and others want to talk about their travels to the States or Canada. I feel that to the Japanese, I will always be the Westerner they can talk to about things not Japanese or ask me about my touristy travels in Japan.
Although Japan has come a long way in global awareness and understanding of other cultures, the Japanese still don’t have the advantage of being directly surrounded by various cultures like we do in Western countries. Sure there are plenty of foreigners living and vacationing in Japan, but most of them try to conform to the Japanese ways as to not offend or scare the locals. The story may be different in Tokyo, but where I live in Nagoya, there are few non-Asians and the sighting of one still turns heads or sparks a comment. It is not a bad thing, in fact it's one of the things that makes Japan a wonderful place to visit, but, it makes it hard for me to fit into the country of my roots. I do find it amusing, however, how much I now like to tell people that I am Canadian. I think that this experience of being a Nikkei in Japan has made me realize why Canadians are so proud of their cultural mosaic. In Canada, you can look different, speak with an accent, but you can still be Canadian. In Canada, I can tell people I am Japanese, but when in Japan, even though that is what I am, I find it hard to say.