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10 Things on Social Media I Could Do Without

Jason has been active on social media for 16 years. Lately, it feels about 15 years too long.

Robert Downey Jr. agrees: social media can be awfully repetitive.

Robert Downey Jr. agrees: social media can be awfully repetitive.

I’ve been on social media for 16 years. I started posting on Myspace as a real estate agent, at the recommendation of a mortgage lender I was doing business with.

He told me that I had a nice family and an adorable baby daughter, and I could probably build a pretty big following and expand my circle of influence locally. I couldn’t disagree with him.

At first, I felt posting inspirational quotes and memes was the way to go. That got boring quickly. Yes, I had an adorable baby girl, but you can only post so many pics of your child. Switching gears toward posting funny status updates and memes got me a large following. 18,000+ followers on Myspace, then close to 5,000 on Facebook, and a couple thousand on Instagram.

I’ve seen a LOT of posts in 16 years on social media. I still enjoy pics of puppies and kitties. I love funny memes. Cute kid pics on their first day of school, graduation, etc. I love hearing about people getting promotions, working toward goals, and supporting social justice.

However, there’s a flip side. There are things I’ve seen SO MANY TIMES, it’s become cringeworthy. Every time I see about the following things, I shudder and throw up a little in my mouth. Here we go.

Freddie Mercury, owner of the only acceptable duck face.

Freddie Mercury, owner of the only acceptable duck face.

Duck Face Selfies

This has to be one of the oldest ones out there. I can remember seeing duck face poses way back on Myspace. And not to be sexist, but this is 100% on you, ladies. There is nothing cute or sexy about these poses. This is so 2005, let it die a respectful, quiet death already.

#BLESSED. They always look like this. At least they’re grateful.

#BLESSED. They always look like this. At least they’re grateful.

Realtors Being "Blessed"

Jesus Murphy. Takes one to know one, I guess. I’ve been a licensed real estate agent since 2003. Do you know how many times I’ve said I was “blessed” on social media? Zero. Nobody wants to hear that shit. Especially in an over-inflated, overpriced real estate market where first-time buyers can’t afford to buy a home unless they split the cost with two or three friends on the same property.

This goes double if you’re posting about your new Range Rover, a cabin in a nearby resort town, or a fancy new speedboat. The Average Joe doesn’t give a fuck how wonderful you have it when so many struggle just to make rent. Nobody likes a show-off. Especially in an industry that is more about looks and popularity than actual talent. Be humble instead of publicly “blessed."

It’s so trashy to bash your child’s other parent on social media.

It’s so trashy to bash your child’s other parent on social media.

Bashing Your Ex

If I had a dollar for all the baby mama/baby daddy bashing posts I’ve seen in 16 years, I could pay off EVERYONE'S child support. Your children are being affected by all this negativity, and likely may see these posts someday when they’re teenagers or older.

Take ownership of the situation. Realize that you created this wonderful child with the person you are bashing. Put yourself in your child’s shoes and realize how hurtful it would be to read something horrific about the other parent they love.

Have some class and take the higher road. Even if the things you’re putting out there for the world to see are true. Be the bigger person for your child that you love. And for god’s sake, if you can’t stop making these posts, at least SPELL them right.

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I love the apostrophe in his All Live’s Matter sign. Smart feller.

I love the apostrophe in his All Live’s Matter sign. Smart feller.

Anyone Talking About How “All Lives Matter”

If you are bothered by the Black Lives Matter movement to the point where you’re considering posting something about “All Lives Matter," just don’t. It’s disgusting to minimize a legitimate social justice movement that helps victims of police brutality, just to ease the guilt you may feel about past or present racism in your life.

The statement that "all lives matter" is absolutely true. But it has nothing to do with the BLM movement and the need for help regarding the unacceptable practice of police profiling African American citizens and the murder of innocent black citizens. Keep that statement to yourself and be an ally for change, not an opponent to progress and social justice.

Donald Trump, the worst president in US history.

Donald Trump, the worst president in US history.

Praising Donald Trump and His Re-election

This topic has gotten so bad within my home state of Idaho that I’ve felt the need to just block those people posting this nonsense instead of trying to have a friendly educated debate with them. I realized at some point how many minutes and even hours I was wasting trying to educate Trump supporters as to why he’s such a bag of shit.

At this point, anyone who supports Donald Trump’s constant racist, bigoted, homophobic, sexist, xenophobic crap is my enemy, not my friend. I have a gay daughter, a mixed-race Bride and children, a love for justice, and an intolerance for ignorance and bullshit. I do not care to see any pro-Trump post in my newsfeed on ANY platform. I’ve seen far too much of it in the past 6 years or so. No debate necessary. The end.

“I have a micropenis, but I killed this here lion.” What a sick bastard.

“I have a micropenis, but I killed this here lion.” What a sick bastard.

Hunting Pics Holding Up A Dead Animal By the Head

This is yet another popular one in my home state of Idaho. Some insecure, camo-wearing, cheesy-looking redneck with a shit-eating grin, holding up a dead animal who’s bleeding out of its nose, mouth, or head.

Hunting is NOT a sport. You are not a “real man” for shooting a defenseless animal living in THEIR habitat, enjoying its day, living its life, and then suddenly taking a bullet to the head, chest, lung, or heart.

If you’re killing these defenseless creatures to feed your family, fine. But don’t dishonor their deaths by posting your stupid face grinning while holding their dead carcass in front of a camera. Nobody besides other dipshits are impressed by pictures like this.

Here’s an idea: Keep your injuries to yourself.

Here’s an idea: Keep your injuries to yourself.

Pictures of Your Bloody or Horrible Injury

You slashed your thumb opening a soup can. You dropped a giant bottle of shampoo on your toe and now it’s as purple as Barney’s ass. Your surgery scars resemble Frankenstein’s head. We don’t want to see it.

Tell us if you’re going through some shit. I have thoughts and prayers locked and loaded, ready to shoot your way. I just don’t need to see the nasty injuries, up close and personal. Blood, bone, muscle? Not for me.

Billy Badass, and his dozen and a half children. Proud Papa.

Billy Badass, and his dozen and a half children. Proud Papa.

Photos of Your Gun Collection

Nothing screams, “I HAVE A BABY PENIS!” more than a pic of your entire arsenal of weapons. You buy a new one and you’re excited about it? Cool. Posting more than one weapon in a single social media pic? Only makes me wonder if you’re thinking of joining QAnon and theorizing how Waco and Ruby Ridge went south.

Facemasks, body armor, swords that you bought at the flea market? I’m not impressed by any of it. None of these items are going to stop a tank, missiles, bombs, or an actual trained militia if the government (ours or foreign) decides they want to eradicate you. Get over yourself, Rambo. This isn’t Hollywood.

Breakfast with herbs? No, it looks like you left your kitchen window open while your neighbor was mowing their lawn.

Breakfast with herbs? No, it looks like you left your kitchen window open while your neighbor was mowing their lawn.

Pics of any Vegan, Gluten-Free Meal

I love food pics on social media. Post your breakfasts, lunches, and dinners. Cocktails. Glasses of wine. A pic of your drunk uncle shotgunning a beer. Just don’t post your healthy food. It’s boring and doesn’t taste good.

I don’t care if your shit is gluten-free. Your carob-chip cookies can go to hell. If I see a plate of cauliflower waffles come across my feed, it’s an instant block. Life is short. Eat the sugary, fat-filled food, already. And post pics of it. And pics of you getting fatter, I can respect that. Live your best life.

My top tips for filming at the gym: DON’T.

My top tips for filming at the gym: DON’T.

Daily Videos of Your 6 AM Workout

Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy working out. I’ve done it for many, many years. I respect people who work on their health and fitness. But I don’t want to watch your decade-long daily documentary of every workout you’ve ever done.

I’m proud of how hard you work. Most of you who post them on the daily are REALLY fit. That’s probably why you’re posting them nonstop. You’re an example, a hero to those who aren’t as fit. You’re an inspiration and a motivation. Is that what you want to hear?

Just do the workouts. Post a progress pic maybe every six months. We get it. You lift. Your workout clothes are cute. I’m talkin’ to you, dude in the TapOut tank top. Those booty shorts are impressive as you’re doing squats in front of your phone mounted on a tripod.

I’m sure there are things I post on my social media that drive other people nuts. We all have the right to post what we want and annoy whoever we feel like annoying. This is just my personal list of the things I could do without seeing, even one more time.

This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.

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