The Police Wife Life: Selfish Is Not an Option

We've all heard the phrase, "There's something about a man in uniform." For those who have done nothing more than enjoy the view, there is a lot more to consider before making a decision to be a part of all the uniform entails. Being the wife of a police officer is not for the weak, self centered, needy, clingy, insecure, or high maintenance type of woman.

I remember him calling me for the first time on his lunch break from his patrol car. Within 10 minutes it became very clear that if a relationship with a police officer was anything like trying to carry on a simple phone conversation with a police officer, "challenging" was going to be an understatement. Between the radio squawking in the background, the interruptions of other officers talking back and forth, his attention being distracted by passing traffic, and the mid-sentence "I have to call you back" (which happened at least five times during that first 30 minute conversation), I knew I was in store for something on a whole other level.

The Good and Bad

Being a police wife or LEO (Law Enforcement Officer) wife as we are known, is quite the interesting life. Police marriages fall victim to an extremely high divorce rate, and there is a good reason for that. Let me start off by saying, just as in all professions, there is good and bad in everything somewhere down the line.

It is true that there are good cops who honor the badge and bad cops who don't. Those who uphold their duty as officers, and honor the badge, far outweigh those who do not. And those who do not should be held accountable for abusing their power, stripped of it, and punished accordingly. Just as in all professions, the good cops will tell you they have no appreciation or tolerance for those who misuse their power and in turn, contribute to the negative image many have of the police. It is difficult sometimes even talking to family or close friends about a life in law enforcement due to so many misconceptions of the true character of the majority of officers. Many times you are immediately brushed off by those who really aren't interested in hearing about it, because being married to a cop, people either love you or hate you.

The fact remains, whether you love cops or hate cops, everyone dials 911 when they have an emergency, and if you are one who considers the police an enemy, you are still the first to expect them to be there to assist you. Regardless of your opinion of them, they will still be there in your time of need. As the saying goes: "Hate cops? The next time you're in trouble, call a crackhead." Let me know how that works out. That being said, I, like so many other LEO wives, am married to a good cop. This is our story.

Life as a LEO Wife

The abnormalities of a LEO wife's day begin with the shift. We do not base our days on normal hours—our days coordinate with whatever shift our LEO is working. There is no such thing as a standard eight hour day in the life of a LEO, or a LEO wife. In an average week you will have several days where the end of his shift comes many hours after it ended. A simple traffic stop turns into a drug bust. Another officer calls for backup. There is a multiple vehicle collision, and they need more officers.

A LEO wife learns to cook dinner for her family and keep a plate warm in the oven. In a LEO household dinner can be midnight or later, breakfast is at lunchtime, and lunchtime can be as late as 9:00 p.m. There are many times I will try and meet my husband somewhere for "lunch" only to be left waiting because a call came in while he was in route to eat, or I will end up going home without ever seeing him at all. The times he will plan to come in for dinner are often thwarted for the same reasons. All that effort you put in marinating that steak, or fixing his favorite dessert, will (most times) go unnoticed.

You will put your children to bed alone most nights while explaining that Daddy loves them. He's just out making sure we're all safe. You will sleep with one eye open, both ears focused on the sound of the garage door, and your cell phone on your pillow. Your children will learn to recognize the sound of the garage door opening at a very early age, and they too will sleep a little better after Daddy comes in and kisses their little cheeks.

Navigating Holidays

Holidays, special occasions, anniversaries, and birthdays are just days you must be prepared to work around. My LEO works lake patrol in the summer months. For us, there is no such thing as the Fourth of July, Memorial Day, or Labor Day. We will never be available for the family reunion or summer picnic on any of those three day weekends. If you want to take your children to see fireworks, be prepared to go alone because not only does he work all weekend: he is working mandatory overtime, 12-16 hour shifts. If he does have seniority, and he can actually get the holiday off, chances are he will sign up to work overtime, trying to get ahead just a little bit. After all, one may think you would get a little more money in the bank by walking around with a bull's eye on your back for a living, but for some reason, all that public service comes at one heck of a bargain.

Date Nights and Romance

Trying to have a date night is always interesting. You will wait longer to get a table where he can face the door. You will watch him scope out the lobby on the way in for anyone he has previously arrested, and you will not get through the meal without another officer calling his cell. You will be grateful if you can keep him awake after you get home, as chances are, you squeezed in date night after a shift anyway, and you will learn to not take it personally when even at your best, you cannot compete with his exhaustion.

Danger Around the Corner

Grocery shopping or trips to crowded locations can become a game of "I spy a felon." You quickly learn the "aisle over" strategy. When your LEO suddenly announces, "Don't turn around" or "We need to get out of this aisle now," or "Wait, wait, wait. OK. Go, go, go," your instincts may be to want to know who we are avoiding and what the story is behind it, but you will learn quickly to follow instructions and ask when you get to the car.

You will also get the "walk away" lesson. If you are ever with your LEO in public, especially with your children, and you are told to "Take the kids and go" or "Walk the other way now," you will learn to shake off the instinct to remain by his side, and without question, you will do as you are told. This is not a control issue by any means, and you will learn to recognize there is a very big difference between your husband being controlling by ordering you around and your LEO husband recognizing a situation in which he needs to protect you from those that recognize and hate him—and those he does not ever want to recognize you as his wife when he is not with you.

You will also learn to laugh at things you never imagined, such as the phrases only a LEO family could consider normal:

"Honey, another hooker peed in my car. I have to go by the city garage and hose out the back before I come home."

"Honey, I've got 10 lbs of pot to inventory. I'm going to be late. Oh, and head's up. There's blood all over my shirt."

"Honey, there are a bunch of cows in the road by the tracks. I've got to run some traffic control before I can get home."

"Honey, some idiot is naked at the snow cone hut. Hey, did you know they have coconut now?"

Fighting for Time

You will learn that even when you are having a really bad day and you just need his shoulder to lean on or his ear to bend, you may have to wait. And when you do have the chance to vent, be prepared to be hung up on, interrupted or only partially paid attention to, or heard over the noise of the radio, which never stops and is always heard first. When you accept that your needs will have to wait until the end of the shift, be prepared to have him snoring almost instantly as you begin to finally vent.

You will find a way to tune out those "breaking news" alerts on the local news when he is on duty. Whereas, in the beginning, you would instantly call his cell to make sure he's alright, over time you learned that he won't answer if he's in the middle of something and calling only to get no answer will really leave you worried that he's hurt or in trouble. You will learn to remember that he is also fully aware he is on the nightly news and will call you as soon as he can.

You will learn not to ask how his day was. He will share what he needs to, bottle up what he has to, and act like everything is fine when it isn't. You will know when it was a bad day without asking and you will be there if he chooses to share, but you will learn that not sharing does not mean not caring. It just means reliving it is not appealing before dinner, and some of the horrific images embedded in his mind he would love to find a way to forget.

Life on Duty

You will learn that a Police Officer lives his life on duty. There is never a time he does not feel compelled to be alert and, as the saying goes, "prepared for anything, anytime, anywhere." You will learn not to be annoyed at his repeated instructions to "Be aware of your surroundings," "Watch your speed," "Park close to an exit," and "Never let the gas light come on in your car." Although there are times you want to scream, "I am not a teenager. I get it!" you will learn that it is just the way he is wired as he sees so much that he never wants to happen to you and your children.

Being the wife of a Police Officer means you must be as dedicated to his love of the job as he is. The first step toward that is realizing it is not a job to him. It is who he his. There is a reason Police Officers choose a profession with low pay, horrible hours, immense stress, non-existent holidays, and a huge potential for danger. It is because they are called to duty. They are compelled by a desire to help those in need, to make a difference: to protect and serve. Being the wife of a LEO means having a mutual respect and understanding of that fact and being willing to make the continual compromises and sacrifices to enable your LEO to be able to head off into the night in the best frame of mind he can possibly have.

They Come First

Being a LEO wife means putting your husband first, not out of a sense of duty or out of submission or control, but out of love and respect for all he faces each time he walks out the door. You will learn to understand that being frustrated is normal, but being resentful and angry is not an option. Things that are a huge deal to most wives such as holiday traditions, the perfect birthday party, the family photo shoot scheduled for weeks, a date night you spent a month looking forward to, the biggest football game of your son's high school senior year, your baby's first ballet recital—To a LEO wife, all of those things are considered something else she may end up dealing with alone.

Frustrating? Absolutely. Disappointing? Always. Worth sending your LEO out into danger knowing you are furious with him? Never. A LEO wife will learn to hold her tongue, tell him she loves him, kiss him goodbye, and say a prayer that he comes home so she can yell at him later. We are human. Ee still want what we want, but we learn to see the bigger picture.

The Kids

My three-year -old son loves his Daddy. You will find more "PoPo" cars in the toy chest than any other toy. He idolizes his father and, even at only three years of age, he understands there is something about what Daddy does that makes it a big deal. When Daddy leaves for a shift my son must go to the driveway and wave good-bye as Daddy turns on his lights and pulls away. It is a ritual that our son came up with all on his own. My son can also instantly recognize the sound of the garage door and knows the difference between the sound of Daddy's engine and that of his teenage sisters. He will stop anything he is doing and run for the door when he knows Daddy is home. Nights that we spend alone we pray together that Daddy will help keep everyone safe and that he will come home soon. My son always asks me to "promise" that Daddy will come see him when he gets home if he is asleep. They say children can sense things and I absolutely believe he understands there is a reason it is a big deal when Daddy leaves and an even bigger deal when he returns.

Selfishness Isn't an Option

There are many many times I wish for a moment of selfish indulgence. Although, I cannot remember the last time I wished for something just for me. Instead I wish for "us." I wish for no radios, pagers, or on-call weekends. I wish for alone time, and snuggle time, and quiet moments of peace. I wish for certainty of safety and a guarantee of growing old together. I understand no one has that guarantee and most couples with children and careers and busy lives wish for the same things, but for me it seems so constantly unattainable.

Oddly, you would think that the longer you have been married to a LEO, the easier it gets. For me at least, it seems to get more difficult in certain ways. The longer I am with him, the more I see, the more I know, and the more it makes me realize how real the dangers can be. Being supportive of sending your best friend out into danger each day is not always easy, but part of being a wife is supporting his dream. I knew from the moment I met him what I was signing up for. I wouldn't trade it for the world. My husband is a wonderful man with a work ethic like no other. He works day and night to support his family and protect his community. He has been called to this line of duty and I am one of those LEO wives who literally beams with pride when I see him in that uniform. He is an amazing father, a loving and supportive husband, and as hard as it is to find time for each other, we manage to make it work. He is my best friend and I cannot imagine a day without him in my life.

There are many people out there that view cops as lazy, crooked, donut eating fools with a chip on their shoulders and pride swelling due to a gun-toting power trip. As stated above, there are bad people in every profession. There are also good people in every profession. For the good ones, consider and remember this: Police Officers live each day fully prepared to lay down their lives for any given stranger at any given moment. They spend countless hours away from their family to help protect yours. They will face those persons with nothing to gain when they themselves have everything to lose. They begin each shift knowing it could be their last, and they have the added stress of knowing their spouse and children are home waiting, hoping, and praying they never see the Captain at their front door. I love my LEO.

The Line of Duty

In 2010, 161 officers were killed in the line of duty. 161 sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, husbands, and wives who will never kiss their families again. They died protecting and serving the citizens and non-citizens of this country. They died at the hands of repeat offenders, parolees, drunks, drug addicts, and political and religious radicals. They died helping innocent people change flat tires. They died responding to traffic accidents and domestic disputes. They were murdered in cold blood making routine traffic stops. They died doing what they were called to do, regardless of the circumstance.

Be grateful for our Police Officers.

An Important Note: Please feel free to share the link to this article as you choose, but do not copy and paste the content of this article.

A Side Note:

Since publishing this article, it has been viewed over 250,000 times, shared on Police Department web sites, LEO wife support sites, and various Police news and magazine sites. The positive support and feedback has been overwhelming and I would like to add this to simply acknowledge how wonderful it is to see so many LEO's, LEO wives, and family members of LEO's be able to relate to so many of the things written in this article.

There has also been so much support from all over the US, and other countries, from people with no connection to any LEO in their families, thanking me for bringing awareness to what life as a LEO and a LEO wife entails. There has been extremely little negativity regarding this article, and I am actually very nicely surprised by that. Out of over 20,000 views and over 100 comments to date, I have received only three negative comments, which I did not post, only because I do not want this to become a forum for debate or argument or have anything distract from the purpose of this article. This is not a discussion board, and there is a time and place for debate. I want this article to be an uplifting voice of encouragement and positivity for LEO's and their families.

I do wish to address one comment received, oddly enough, from a LEO wife. Her opinion of this article was that I was trying to gain "glory" and hero status of my own simply for being married to a LEO. She found it appalling that I would make a suggestion about those who have merely "enjoyed the view." She suggested I was imputing a "god-like" status to LEO's and LEO wives and belittling those in other lines of work who make daily, dangerous sacrifices as well. To that I would say, my article is about Police Officers. It is not about oil field workers, firefighters, EMT's, coal miners, loggers, construction workers or the countless others who are in harms way just by going to work each day. I have no reason to write a personal account about that which I do not know, just as I cannot speak for the countless wives and husbands of our Troops whose daily sacrifices far outweigh that of which the majority of us can comprehend, and to whom I could never express enough gratitude.

My article is in honor of my husband and all the other LEO's who are heroes in their own right. Praising one does not equal the diminishing of others. I have never and would never think that what my husband does every day somehow makes what anyone else does less important or dangerous. Or, that my role as his wife somehow makes my "wife" status more important than anyone else's. My comment about those who have simply "enjoyed the view" is made specifically to those who have done just that: looked at all the calendars of hot shirtless cops, or flirted with a police officer to try and get out of a ticket, or for those who simply see a uniformed police officer and shrug with loathsome disrespect. It was meant to say, "There is a whole lot more about that uniform and the character of the man/woman wearing it than you might understand, and you should know if you don't, and be aware if you're not."

The entire point of this article is to make it clear that our LEO's are heroes and regardless of all the sacrifices LEO spouses make each day, those sacrifices are well worth making to ensure our heroes have the love and support they need to face what they face each and every shift. There is no question that it takes a certain kind of person to be able to remain consistently patient, understanding, and selfless regardless of the circumstance. Do I think that, in someway, that makes me an angel deserving of "glory?" Absolutely not. I do think it is proof positive of my intentions in writing my article—our LEO's need good women/men as spouses to appreciate all that comes with the uniform. All of us fail at times, get frustrated at times, and need some encouragement to remain focused (certainly me included). This article is is about being supportive and appreciative despite the multitude of upsets. It is about remembering to appreciate each day and never take it for granted.

As stated before, I love my LEO!

Comments 379 comments

bellawritter23 profile image

bellawritter23 5 years ago from California

Very Nicely Written!!

Sabriena 5 years ago

You took the words/feelings out of my mouth! This is exactly how I feel. Its really puts things into perspective...

Jamie 5 years ago

Thank you so much for sharing. Absolutely the best I've ever read.

Angie Pillars 5 years ago

Melissa~ You are truly a great example of what a police wife should be. Your ability to express the trials and joys of our lives is beautiful! I am proud to "know" you. The lives of LEO wives & their families would be hard to deal with for some, but for us it's normal. I love that you were able to express what so many of us feel in such a beautiful way! GREAT JOB!

Amy 5 years ago


Mary 5 years ago

So well written, and so very very true

Yvonne 5 years ago

You hit the nail on the head! A perfectly written depiction of life married to a cop...thank you for sharing.

Andrea 5 years ago

It's amazing how you can get it so perfect. It's almost like we are called to them as much as they are called to their duty. God Bless you! God Bless all of us in this huge family.

I am gonna keep a copy of this to remind me, that I am not alone in my feelings! Thanks again.

Kelly 5 years ago

Amazing article. You have hit the nail on the head. While it is not easy being a LEO wife I would not trade my life for the world. Thank you for putting it into words for those who just don't understand!

Jen Len 5 years ago

Love it!!! Soooo true!!! We do dinner at lunchtime to make it work!

Jessie 5 years ago


perfectperception profile image

perfectperception 5 years ago from USA

Very well said! NO relationship can survive if either party is selfish

313zsammy 5 years ago

I gave up my law enforcement career of 10 years to support my husband's LE career of 16 years and raise our children. Amen! to this story. Well written and thank you for the reminder of why I need to be supportive for what he is out doing every shift!

Martha 5 years ago

I couldn't have said it better myself & I thank you for putting this out here!

My DH is a Deputy & has been out almost 3 yrs now & he sometimes feels like he's low man on the totem pole because of his uniform, he always says everyone loves a fireman & everyone hates a policeman but a fireman isn't the one who will come to your house if someone breaks in or assaults you, it's a police man. And what really hit him in the gut was when he was talking to a convince store mgr & the mgr was joking about how he makes less $ then a police officer & then compared monthly salary & the mgr's jaw dropped & he said, "That's ALL you make to put your life on the line for US?" .... He made more then the police...

Karen 5 years ago

I met my husband days after he was hired for a full time law enforcement position. He was 21 and the youngest officer in the state of Washington. I literally have been with him from day one. Every thing that was written is absolutely true and has happened many times. Thank you for writing this and giving me the opportunity to educate so many people that just don't understand. Perfectly written.

liz 5 years ago

Very beautiful...I'm a peace officer and my husband feels the same way u do..

Annette 5 years ago

I needed this tonight. As I just put dinner in the oven (I could of ate cold cereal) and got the call that he will be off late because of a DUI. Thank you for writing how I feel.

Michelle 5 years ago

Thank you to all the officers who protect and serve and keep us safe!

Meghan 5 years ago

This is so beautifully written. It gives me chills to read but feels like it came from my own heart. Thank you for writing such eloquent words.

Maureen Child 5 years ago

My daddy was a cop. A good one. I grew up respecting the badge and let me really weeded out the not so great guys when it came to dating time.

I'm still proud of my dad and the job he did even though he's been gone eight years now.

Well said.

Beth L 5 years ago

Thanks for writing this; very well written.

Luckily, my husband works in the jail, and so a lot of the scheduling issues, thankfully, don't come into play very often. But concerns about safety, and longevity certainly do.

The shocking # of 152 to date makes me sick. I worry for them all.

Amy W 5 years ago

Perfectly written! How lucky your LEO is to have you on his side! And how lucky we all are to have our LEO's by ours!

joleenruffin profile image

joleenruffin 5 years ago from Tracy, CA

I remember one day my husband had to work a 10-hour shift until midnight, then be back at the department at 6am for what we thought would be a 12-hour shift. He finally got off work that night at 10pm, the only reason being his contract states he cannot work more than a 16 hour shift! Yes it is a challenging life being married to a cop. Often plans have to be thrown out the window!

Jenny 5 years ago

So very true and exactly how it feels on a day to day basis- I have tears in my eyes after reading this because I am so proud of my cop and it's wonderful to see that others can relate!

Shannon 5 years ago

I was laughing hysterically through my tears. What a beautifully written article, and it felt as if I had handed you a script! I've been with my LEO since long before he was hired on at 21. We've been married 16 years, and he's been commissioned for more than 20. With less than 5 years until retirement, I feel it getting harder to let him go to work instead of easier. But, I am lucky to have an amazing circle of wives around me, and we all support each other, toast each other, and play makes all the difference in the world.

Thank you for such a personal piece. I know its not written about me, but actually, it really is.

Bryan 5 years ago

I am sorry we take you for granted. Sometimes it is hard to remember that our job effects more than just us.

jay tack aka NUG 5 years ago

Much love to the 5 0/POPO...truly appreciate what u do day in and day out

Taneisha 5 years ago

I'm a former officer, never been the wife of one, but honestly, I think hubby feels the same way. Its never easy, there were time he thought he'd never see me again when I was running headfirst into some situation or another, and there were a couple of times I didn't think I'd see home again.

AndreaL 5 years ago

Married 18 years to mine. Reading your words, were like looking at mine. We have a 15,14 & 13 year old. All still want that kiss when he gets home (even though, he found it hard to do because sleeping kids reminds him of some scenes his been to) All that still miss him and get upset when they haven't seen him all week because he only comes home in the middle of the morning to shower and go back to the PD. I wish I could tell you it gets easier on the kids as they get older, but it doesn't, It actually gets harder. I am definitely a much stronger woman now than I was 18 years ago, I married him knowing he was putting himself through the academy to become a Police Officer, they tell you what to expect, but you never know until you are living it. I learned to walk through my house in the dark to see what a noise was (whether he is home or not, cause when he is home, he is zonked and nothing wakes him up) I have to be the protector along with so many titles, is it worth it? YES! Would I recommend this life to my civilian friends, hmmm not many, I don't think they would make the cut! Thanks for your story!!

Josh 5 years ago

Very well written. Thank you writing this.

Ann 5 years ago

I'm the wife of a police officer. I love this. Our lives aren't that drastic, but it has it's moments.

Angela 5 years ago

What a blessing for LEO Littles to have such a loving and supportive wife! Thank you for sharing your heart and giving the rest of us great perspective on the sacrifice of the LEO and the LEO's family. He is very blessed to have someone like you to come home to.

Martha 5 years ago

Thank you so much for writing this article. Just this morning I was feeling frustuated, kids fighting, running late for everything, I started thinking about yelling at my hubby after he worked the swing shift for not being there to help out. But, after reading this article I just wanted to go and cuttle with him and tell him how much I appreciate his love, care, and dedication to us and his city for keeping us safe.

Jodie 5 years ago

I have been an officer's wife for 17 years.... You could'nt of said that better. Thanks

Linsey 5 years ago

Very well said...felt like at times I was writing it myself, although I probably couldn't put it as eloquently as you did! Thank you...LEO wife of 5 years...

Debbie Jordan 5 years ago

this is written so perfect...absolutely amazing...for those who love a cop....and for those who wear the badge and don't honor it as this implies...shame on you for what you have done to all who deserve the praise and honor entitled and entrusted to the profession...thanks to all who care and do it right...

Shannon 5 years ago

I also felt like I was reading the manuscript of my life...I'm married to a deputy sheriff and wouldn't trade him for anything in the world, depsite the hardships that come with it. Thank you for writing this, it's nice to know that we all belong to a supportive community...even if we don't know each other.

skyeyez004 5 years ago

That would be our life in a nutshell! I remember the first 2am phone call asking him to come in a potentially fatal accident and all i could think was what did i get myself into. But, i understood from day 1 he wasn't picking his job over me or our family but he made a vow a commitment to protect and serve and his job was bigger then just a job it was a life decision. I am proud of what he does and unless you are a police officer, married to one or has a family member that is one you will never understand the job they do and how THANKLESS it really is.

Bel Marshall profile image

Bel Marshall 5 years ago from Michigan

As a former military wife, I can identify with much of this, but I have to admit that it is tough for me to imagine living like this all of the time.

God Bless your family and thank you to both of you: Him for his service and you for the sacrifice you make to support him so he can protect others.

nina 5 years ago

What does LEO stand for?

Mel B 5 years ago

nina- LEO stands for Law Enforcement Officer. I am a POW, police officer's wife, and this was stated very accurately and made me proud of my husband and even more proud to be his wife. Thank you for your strong words!!

Randy 5 years ago

Thank you for this. You wrote this beautifully. I have been a LEO for 9 years and am very blessed to be with a wife who stands by my side and understands. Thank you to all of our wives, husbands, fathers, mothers, friends, and family that understand and support us.

nabilamacaraob 5 years ago

no more reaction...

it's really AWESOME!

Heather 5 years ago

as the wife of a LEO I appreciate so much the time and honesty you put into this! What a great way to truly express what our lives are like! Very well said!

Charlene 5 years ago

My LEO is within a few years of retirement. I am so proud of him, his work ethic, and care of our family. Thank you for the article. Well said!

Melissa W 5 years ago

It is nice to know there are others out there who have been in my shoes and knows what it feels like. Thank you for shareing.

Michelle 5 years ago

Thanks you so much.. I feel just like that. Life is so uncertain when being married to a cop but I too wouldn't trade it for anything. My husband is not only an Officer but on SWAT too.. so he leaves us more then most. I have lost several friends because he is a cop and they can't stand it or the ppl who live around us HATE us because he is a Officer. It's so sad to think that we can't be liked.. Cops and their families are human too and have feeling like anyone else. I have found that I need other police officer wives to be friends with and who understand what I go through.

oilfieldwife 5 years ago

Very well written, you must be extra special to be able to be married to an officer or even a firefighter. I just though we had it rough!

Manon 5 years ago

"There is never a time he does not feel compelled to be alert and as the saying goes 'prepared for anything, anytime, anywhere.'" The same is true for corrections officers. I notice it when my boyfriend and I are out. He's always sizing people up, observing them, watching their behavior, and even looking out for former inmates. If I suggest an outing, sometimes he'll nix it from the start, deeming it in a "bad area" if a lot of his "clients" are from there. I really don't know how he doesn't become a misanthrope, dealing with the very best society has to offer the way he does, but I guess that is where the people who love him come in. Great piece, Melissa.

blissinprogress profile image

blissinprogress 5 years ago from Edmond, OK Author

I wanted to take a moment to say thank you for all the positive feedback and kind words. I honestly had no idea when I wrote this it would touch so many people. I am incredibly humbled by the outpouring of support, not only from LEO's and LEO wives, but from those with no connection to law enforcement at all. This has given me a whole new understanding of how many LEO wives share the same joy, pride and struggle's. I hope this continues to bring a little something to each person who reads it and I hope that those who are friends and family of LEO's & LEO wives will have a greater awareness of what they go through. Our LEO's are hated by many, thanked by few, often misunderstood and underappreciated heroes. Once again, thank you all.

Donna 5 years ago

Very well said... Thank you for sharing.. It's nice to know we are not alone in our feelings... I am both proud and honored to be a LEO.

Jim Kee 5 years ago

Melissa,thanks for reminding me what my dear Wife went through. I have always said she lived the life of a LEO without wearing the badge. She never complained, and stood fast by my side. Many blessings to your family, and I pray for your Husbands safe return home every day.

Doni 5 years ago

Thank you for posting this article. I have no idea how I even found this article but it was apparently meant to be for me to read it. I could imagine myself and my family as I was reading this.

It takes a strong woman to fill the role as the wife of an officer. Not a lot of people understand or even want to understand what officers see and go through everyday. It is not a 9-5 job that you leave and don't think about again until 9am the next day. Some of what they see and have gone through sticks with them for some time. Sometimes it haunts them for the rest of their lives. Living a "normal" life around odd sleep schedules, call-outs, unscheduled overtime, or out of town training is difficult, but it takes a strong supportive wife to pull it off successfully. I am the wife of an officer and my hats off to all of you out there who love and support your husbands and understand their passion! Behind every successful man is a strong woman!!

Jim Kee 5 years ago

Melissa, I forgot to mention this. Even after your Husband leaves the Department, his head will remain on a swivel. he'll need to set facing the door, and still back the car into parking places. My Wife says it's some type of Cop gene that develops over the years. :)

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blissinprogress 5 years ago from Edmond, OK Author

Thanks Jim!

So true about backing into the parking space. I thought that was a law or something, LOL!

Kim 5 years ago

This article is amazing....very nice!

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motherbeastly 5 years ago from Argyll and Albox

This is brilliantly written. As the mother and mother-in-law of two working police persons in the UK I think I have a very slight knowledge of the things you are talking about. Long may your son hear the sound of Daddy's engine as he pulls into the garage after his shift and realise the importance of the po-po cars in his toy chest.

Summer 5 years ago

Well said!

skivvies 5 years ago

That's an amazing, and touching, article.

Amanda 5 years ago

Thank you! You perfectly illustrated the realities of LEO wives' lives . . . Well done.

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sherrylou57 5 years ago from Riverside

Wow! You sure put up with a lot! I do not want to call a crack head, when I need help!

Cassandra 5 years ago

Beautifully written and fully understood, prayers for you and your family's safety always!

neneth 5 years ago

Its a beautiful write ups about us (LEO wifes)an amazing!Continue supporting our husband.

MJ 5 years ago

I am in tears. You absolutely hit the nail on the head. People use to ask, "How do you sleep at night with your husband being a cop?" The best answer I could respond with was "across the whole bed."

I will be passing this article along, and we are sharing it on the National Police Wives Association forums too. Thanks!

jf 5 years ago

You're right. Absolutely right. And we live in a horrible city. Crime where we are is ridiculous. We're surrounded by people who want our officers there when their house gets robbed but not when they're doing drugs with their children in the same room. My husband went on at 21. We were already married and it was after MONTHS of discussion. But what kind of person would I be if I told him he couldn't do the one thing he truly wanted to do? There were many times he came in at 8am and I was still awake. I've sat up at night and cried from things he's told me. Some I would rather not hear. But I would never tell him not to tell me, because that's his way of dealing. He let's me in so I can help in some small way. So we try to make every minute when he's not at work count.

I thank all officers, not just mine. And their wives. Some couldn't make it without strong women behind them.

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nikitha p 5 years ago from India

Very well written, thanks for sharing this.

DSP Wife 1114 5 years ago

Wow, everything in this true! I have been feeling very resentful lately because there are so many first that are being missed. We have a one yr old and it kills me. I didn't sign up to be a single parent. But this puts things into perspective. Realizing that its not about me but us and cherishing the times we do have together. Thanks for the eyeopener!

Nacho from Spain 5 years ago

Hello, I've no idea how I ended up on this page, I'm from Madrid in Spain and I know no POs, but... Your article is INCREDIBLY MOVING AND INSPIRING. I admire those who put their lives in the line for us, and now also their families. God bless you and a big big hug from across the Atlantic.


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akeetlebeetle 5 years ago from Mesa, AZ

Wow. I never knew what the wife of a cop had to go through with. Thank you for the eye opening moments in your life.

Sandie 5 years ago

Thank you. You described my life. And I needed to read this today. I am having one of "those days' where I am so frustrated. Have not had a full conversation with him this week. Holidays,events and planning going on this month. Not like I have not done it before, but am hitting that frustration level all the same. I'll get over it, I always do. It was wonderful though that he forwarded your article to me today to let me know he understands and is hanging in there as much with me as I am with him.

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yasirsaeed 5 years ago

hi there. seriously the way you have written this article, brought tear running from my eyes, especially your last paragraph. I SALUTE you and YOUR courage for being a brave wife of a brave policeman. Really it is an honor to serve the loyal wives of the loyal citizen protectors of our nations. Excellently written!

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lcbootcamp 5 years ago from Corinth,Tx


Your article was touching, true, and it really did pinpoint what we as police wives go through. Thank you for sharing your story. Without a "test", there is no TESTimony! :)I am saving your article, and will share with all of the "newbie" wives, so that they know that they are not alone. Your story will touch many lives!

Tiffany 5 years ago

What a great article. I laughed and cried when I read true.

Nicole 5 years ago

Thank you for your words. I am a former police officer and my husband is a soldier. Kinda worked from both angles. Thanks for putting that out there, I hope a lot of people read it.

Erin 5 years ago

This is my life completely!! My boys think they are too police officers! So many of the situations described I have lived! I feel as though I wrote this myself!! Truly amazing & it needs to be read by all families who have a LEO in them!! Thank you so much for your words!!

April  5 years ago

My dad is a police officer. This made me laugh and cry. It was the best thing I have read written about my life in a while.

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Kim Lynn 5 years ago

God Bless you, your husband and your family. Love them or not, we are all safer because they do what they do. Officers often sacrifice their lives for ours. I've known good cops and bad. I've also known good docs and bad, good mechanics and bad etc. I agree with you and feel like the people risking their lives for ours, should have a lot more respect and a much bigger paycheck!

Many Blessings,


forskare 5 years ago

I've migrated from the jail, to the patrol car and for the last 25 years as a welfare fraud investigator. Often, when I leave, she asks, "will you be home for supper"? I plan on it but more often than not I'll call her to say, "don't keep it warm".

Sometimes I'm not able to call and she no doubt worries but she never bothers me at work. She just prays for me and we're still at it after 45 years. I am so blessed to have the LEO wife who never puts herself first but rather me and the kids/grandkids.

Yes, she's been and is still going through it as a LEO wife, never complaining but always supporting. WOW! I'M BLESSED!! Thank you for your words which EVERY LEO should read to understand how blessed they are and what a LEO wife goes through.


rosmarin 5 years ago

what an amazing account!

I had no idea how stressful a police officers life is and how much the families are affected. In the USA but also in the UK

and other countries. I have lived in the USA in DC and I know it was very dangerous there for the police and it isn't that good in the UK where I live now. However your

moving account has made me realize how much we owe to these brave people who deserve our

wholehearted respect.

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kicbknbelieve 5 years ago from New York

wow! I can not believe how lucky I am to have come across your hub! It has been two days since I have seen my live-in boyfriend, well I did catch a glimpse of him somewhere around 1:30am and then before he left again this morning at 6:30am. I have been the girlfriend for over two years and some days I wanna tear my hair out. All my friends wanna know why I eat anywhere between 6pm and 1am? I try to stay up most the time but it doesn't always work. I have never appreciated my own independence as much as I do since we met. So the craziness you write about is so on que my mouth was hanging open!

I want to thank you for sharing this. It says it all!

I have posted on one of my social networks the same words you write dont like cops? next time your in trouble call a crackhead! Which my boyfriend thought was awesome!

While it is hard sometimes to stay strong and supportive, the payoff it great if its the right guy! I nod, smile, say be safe and I love you all the time...

hpdret 5 years ago

I was a police officer for 39 years and have been retired for 3 years. My wife tells me I still act like a cop always looking for things going or about to go wrong. It never leaves you. It's a life long job.

Tim 5 years ago

Melissa, very well written. As a LEO, I think we sometimes forget how our job affects those around us. After 15 years in LEO and 12 years with the same partner my goal is to get my partner home to his wife and kids and to make sure no innocent victim is hurt. It seems as though you forget about the dangers involved and how they could affect your own family. God Bless you and your husband. I have forwarded a copy of your letter to my wife as I feel it reflects how she feels. Thanks you again

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Laura in Denver 5 years ago from Aurora

Thx for a wonderful article. I can only imagine!

I will tell you that I was greatly saddened when a woman in the neighborhood with a LEO boyfriend left to move in with him. Yes, that's selfish, but I liked that squad car being there in the driveway!

Military Man 5 years ago

At least LEO is coming home every day or night, and we are military guy, years before I can see my family

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blissinprogress 5 years ago from Edmond, OK Author

@ Military Man. I absolutely agree. I am fortunate for every night he is able to come home to me. That is never a guarantee in his line of work, and always a fear in the back of my mind. I also absolutely agree that LEO wives are blessed to have their LEO's in a position to come home daily. I cannot speak for military wives, as I am not one. I can only speak for what I know. I do know this. My words could never express enough gratitute for the men and women serving this country and the sacrifices they make being in harm's way, away from their families for years on end. My Grandfather, Father, Sister-in-Law, step-sister, and neice are all veterans. My step-sister is currently overseas with no return date in sight. What you do for our Country is not unnoticed by all, I'm sure it must seem that way at times. I can promise you, there is not a single LEO or LEO wife that doesn't have the utmost respect for all you do, and the sacrifices that come with it. Hopefully I can find someone who writes about the Military Wife Life, I would be the first to leave my thanks. Be safe.

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Pink Mingos 5 years ago from Mars

Very well written! I was married to a M.P., I was also one myself at the time. The day we were married, he pulled graveyard shift that night, and worked the morning our first child was born. I remember about half of his shift came by the hospital to see her after they got off. That's what "LE Family" do. Thank you again for a well written Hub.

Leowife20 5 years ago

Thank you for writing a great letter about being a LEO's wife. You summed it up perfectly. I am now in my 20th year as a LEO's wife and would not change a thing. It's just a way of life and we cherish the minutes that we do have together.

hubpageswriter 5 years ago

Welcome to the world of hubbing. Great stuff you've written here. I will be on the lookout for more of your great writing.=)

Jessica 5 years ago

couldn't have said it better myself! I can totally relate to the prostitue pissing in the car! I laughed, I cried, I ooohed and ahhhed...Most people think our LEO's make alot of money but I made more at a desk job then he does dealing with the drunks, punks and losers.He loves what he does and we risked everything when he got accepted into the academy. He went from making good money in construction to making next to nothing compared to that. He was gone 6 months and things were so tough for us but we made it through and we are better for it. We have neighboors who are like "f**% the police" and I hope they never need anything because like you said...let them call their crack dealer for help. I know I feel that way but of course my husband would jump for anyone and everyone no matter their feelings about him. That's what I love most about him is that no matter what scum of the earth he deals with he still loves his job and knows that HE makes a differece. Thanks so much for your article...loved it so much. I say a prayer every night to the back lights of my husbands police cruiser that we will see each other in the morning and that he always has the faith and courage to do right and come home to me and the boys the next morning to start it all over again the next day....keep strong and brave ladies (and men) married to LEO's!!!

Jessica 5 years ago

Oh and a side note...He always backs his crusier into a parking space and I didn't really appreciate it until I saw what a difference it could make for him and now I get it. He always faces the door no matter where we are and is constantly scoping out the place and there have been times when we have had to leave places because he's had a gut feeling about someone or something. Sometimes it sucks because I never really have his attention but I do know why he has to do it. Our children also have to live a different way knowing that they will always be held to a higher standard than most kids their age and it has caused the boys to loose friends as well. It's hard to live in the lime light so to speak because my husband gets to take his car home and it's parked infront of the house. We get stared at all the time when we are outside. People stop at our house and ask for directions or to even ask a stupid question like "my friend got the shit beat out of him by a cop, that's not right, what should he do" and my husband just says well if that's true then tell HIM to get an attorney....we have no privacy at all. we are all on display all the time!!!

Niecie 5 years ago

What a well written, totally true, explination of how life is for us LEO'S. Husband Chief Deputy and has been in Law Enforcement for 27 yrs. Totally different life for us.

God Bless Our Officers.

stranger 5 years ago

well said!!!

Evelyn 5 years ago

This is so beautiful! I'm not married to a LEO, but to a UK soldier, and the feelings are very much the same whenever he deploys. You wrote this so amazingly, I love it!

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mgazinez 5 years ago

So very good article.

u MUST well so hard with it.

Thank for sharing.

Really Appreciate with urs.

Really Really Thank.

Peaceful Upon u.

Merry Christmas.

Cpl D. Parker 5 years ago

Melissa that was very well written and your leo husband is extremely lucky to have a wife like you to come home to. I can only hope that whoever I decide to marry in the future will be as honorable and understanding as you are. God bless to those who protect and serve and the families that support them.

stevemullins 5 years ago

Your article was moving, and it really did pinpoint what the police wives go through. Thank you for sharing.


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KenWu 5 years ago from Malaysia

Awesome writing. Straight from the person that is married to an officer.

5 years ago

You hit it dead on- Thnaks for sharing. I have been married to my NYPD cop for only 7 months and I relate to everything you wrote.

One piece of advice- DO NOT live in the same town he works in!!

Kim 5 years ago

This is ABSOLUTELY PERFECT! I love that you can explain exactly how we all feel. And what we go through. Thanks you for writing it!

renee2209 5 years ago

Absolutely amazing. No one seems to think about that side of the relationship or how hard it'd really be. I'm very impressed at the strength and willpower a wife of an officer has. Thanks so much! I will definitely be sharing this!

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Brutus Orkney 5 years ago from AZ

I welled up, I laughed, I shook my head knowingly; I leave inspired...thanks for this!

Kelly 5 years ago

I am married to a police officer of 8 years, we have been together for 10. We have three kids. Much of our life is as you have written, however I believe it is important for them to be able to switch off. It took me a few years of 'training' him to achieve this, but it was important for our family. Although as wives we are much more forgiving of the frequent extended shifts and call-backs, I do think it is responsible to put family first. Unless he is rostered on call, he now leaves his cellphone off after work so we won't be interrupted. He now plans ahead and applies for leave for birthdays months in advance. He doesn't work in the same district we live in, to avoid him recognising people in the street. Putting balance back in to his life and allowing him time off mentally, after hours, with his family, is a lifesaver. More should do it. We are much happier for it.

Nina 5 years ago

I dated an officer and all I got to say is that I admire him, he was my super heroe. Every night I pray for him to be safe. The first message of the morning was the best, knowing that he is fine. We are not together any more but still I respect him for sacrificing his life for all of us.

Christy 5 years ago

I have been married to a police officer for 10 yrs we met before he entered the Academy and on his last day we had a counselor come in and sit with us girlfriends and wives and explain things that would happen to us and how we would feel etc etc recently this year his dept suffered the loss of 2 officers within a months time after never loosing anyone before we have been devestated however reading yoru blog while it made me laugh hit the nail on the head on how now I think about he might not come home and to say I LOVE you no matter how you are mad at him I am used to going to events without him but nobody ever understands thankyou for writing something that I can show others and say THIS is my life and this is what I go thru daily

LEO mother-in-law 5 years ago

A friend just sent this to me. I want to thank you for this, it really hit home. My daughter is married to a LEO. A month ago while making a "routine" traffic stop, he was shot 4 times. There is nothing routine about this job, any moment may be their last moment on earth. We are very lucky that my son-in-law survived his injuries and was home to spend Christmas with his 15 month old son!!!!

It is a shame that these dedicated individuals work for peanuts, risk their lives every day and still people have absolutely no respect for them at all.

My heart goes out to all relatives of LEO and my prayers go out to every LEO every day for their safety.

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blissinprogress 5 years ago from Edmond, OK Author

To Mother-in-law, my heart goes out to you and your family. Thank God for having his hands and angels on your son-in-law that day. I am in tears thinking of what he, your daughter and you and your family has endured. I will continue to keep you and yours in my thoughts and prayers.

Mariesa 5 years ago

Fabulously written, and unfortunately 100% true, from one police officer's wife to another.

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the great thinker 5 years ago

excuse me how to be a great writer just as you are?

Proud wife and mom 5 years ago

A very well written article.

I thank you for the truth in your writing. I am a wife and soon to be mother of a LEO. I do not expect sympathy when I say we celebrate Christmas or holidays or even birthdays when we are all together, it is what we do because we have to. A holiday is a day we can spend together and a weekend is two days off in a row.

I am extemely proud of husband and my son. It is not a lifestyle that just anyone can live, there are sacrifices that are made in relationships. This is not to say that other careers don't have them either but I, as you, fully understand this lifestyle as a wife. I would not have it any other way. He loves what he does. He is good at what he does. He will be there for anyone who needs assistance. I will be there for him.

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Sunnyglitter 5 years ago from Cyberspace

Very interesting article. I enjoyed it.

SPDWYF 5 years ago

My husband had been on the force for 1 year when we met, and 3 years when we were married. Yes-I went into it knowing full well what I was doing. Crazy? Perhaps. :)

What I didn't expect was that after 4 months of marriage 6 WA police officers would be killed in the line of duty. SIX. I questioned my decision to stay married to him. If I slept at all, it was with the light on and the phone in my hand. I had nightmares. Our fights came out of my fear. That was no way to live, but they were coping mechanisms and he understood.

A year has passed, and I know life is no easier for the Brenton, Griswold, Renninger, Owens, Richards, or Mundell families. I thank my lucky stars every morning my husband lets me know he's home safe (I work nights now as well, which makes it a bit easierfor me). I don't think I've ever met anyone who truy LOVES what they do for work as much as he does. Asking him to do anything else would be asking him to be someone else. Anyone behind the badge knows that simply isn't possible.

Blessings to all of my brothers and sisters on both sides of the shield.

Lisa Marie S 5 years ago

this is perfect...its my life exactly! As a LEO I can appreciate everything you mentioned....and as a future LEOM (mom)....I can only imagine its going to get harder to not worry. Thank you so much for sharing "our" story!

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Curtis Aron 5 years ago from Metro Atlanta

As a police officer, it will be absolutely mandatory that my future wife read this. Very nicely written.

Christine an Atlanta Officers Wife 5 years ago

Very Well Written!!! I feel as if your words describe our lives perfectly to a T!! Our daughter & I watch the lights on the car from the driveway as he leaves for work; the garage door opening in the morning is her alarm clock :) Thank you so very much for sharing your thoughts and feelings & know you are not alone!!

Selena 5 years ago

Beautifully well written and sadly, dead on. I'm married to one of the great ones. The fact that he's so good at his job is what gives me peace at times and is also what makes me worry, he'll go to bat for anyone and be the first through the door.

Sandra Critchlow 5 years ago

Thank yiu and bless you for all you do to support you Leo, you are all amazing , this article gives me am even greater respect and admiration for Officers and their families. My cousins son and my neighbor are men of great integrity and compassion and I am thankful people like this are protecting us.

danny776 5 years ago

I love you're site. I was once at the war and it was hard cause, I had to leave my family. When i came back my little girl was off to collage. My little boy died when he was 2 rom being kidnapped.

Jen 5 years ago

Great article and so true! I've been married to my LEO for 10 years and it does not get easier...but I would not change a thing!

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A.Dot.Baybee 5 years ago from Birmingham

woww... simply amazing.... your writing is beautiful... could you do me a favour and promote my first ever hub... people are saying its realyy good... but i am having trouble promoting my hub... could you help me please? here's the hub...

Thanks & Take Care...

M Mill 5 years ago

Dear Melissa,

1. Beautiful Article, thank you so much for writing it and also

2. thank you so much for giving a healthy example of standing up for yourself when confrontented by mean comments.

3. On mean comments (from anyone) I think we can set clear limits of what's reasonable, like your example, and we should practice articulating them real time in firm tones on disparaging and mean comments.

4. I am a female military officer of many years; and can note how fast I have to get rid of potential partners who are just enjoying the view. I am overjoyed whenever I meet women spouses of public servants who are like you. We meet and we as women are comrads as much as I am with their husbands on the job (the stated and paid mission). I have served as a teammate, follower leader and always with great pride to work with the good cops, firefighters, public servants and military. The spouses are the bulwork of all long term successful military and public service professions. You are grand; the invisible and everpresent source of strength and stability. I salute you - no amount of roses or medals or mementos can touch the sacrifices of life and time you give.

5. I am ending an unfortunate marriage to a man who behaved and spoke as you do, for our two year courtship, only to find when I moved in with him three days after our marriage; he turned into an abusive mean source of opposition to whatever I did. It was stress and insomnia and heartbreak. He clearly knew what the relationship was; how I needed him as a partner, and he replaced respect and teamwork with attempts of intimidation; control and vicious behavior. Although at the time I considered simply asking some of my teammates on the job to calibrate him with blanket party, I would not want his sorry character near me ever under any circumstances again, especially under fear of reprisal. as the old Oklahoma saying goes: "Never corner something meaner than you are". My attorney, counselors and investigative professionals are taking care of the details as I pull my life back together.

6. Your description of how life can be with teamwork and respect for a foundation in the relationship is a great breath of fresh air, especially for a vacation from recalling the horror of sabotage of what should have been the safest of relationships as I go through the court process.

7. Yes, I am pressing charges; this is not just a civil suit.

8. Thank you again.

Sign me:

30 years and counting with the best team on the planet; Americans who Serve.

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blissinprogress 5 years ago from Edmond, OK Author

@ M Mill. Thank you for your words. If you have not read my other hubs, you might find some comfort in knowing that I myself am a survivor of domestic abuse. It took two years and much heartache for me to get a conviction against my abuser. Stay strong. As you can see, there is life after abuse and it is the good life you deserve. Thank you for your service.

Cary 5 years ago


I stumbled by pure luck on this topic and my bf is a police officer, I have been calling him since last night in vain..there have been disasters going around town the past days, I hope he is Ok ..

I am sure it is a sign to find this article right now, the last part brought tears to my eyes, I am sorry for those families and may these heroes rest in peace.

flying higher profile image

flying higher 5 years ago

Very touching article ! I salute you and your husband ! Thanks for supporting him and reminding me that not all LEOs are bad apples. Although I have the bad luck of coming across most of the bad ones on power trips and not the good ones like your spouse.

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Pixienot 5 years ago from Clarksville, Indiana

What a wonderful insight into the lives of Police Officers and their families. You have a special heart. Thank you for sharing a part of it with us.

You are a good writer.

Karen 5 years ago

This was beautiful, thank you for sharing. Being a military wife fresh off deployment, reading this may or may not have led to a few sympathetic sniffles... your hubby is a blessed man indeed to have you by his side!

Proud Officer's Wife 5 years ago

This article is the story off my life! But the real reason I have so much respect for it is because of the great advice it offers. I know this article will teach me continued love and patience. I should read it daily and take in all it has to say. We never want to be amongst that rising divorce rate. Never. As a wife, a mother, and a teacher, I realize the sacrifices my husband makes because of his honorable career. Our son and I look up to "Daddy" and love him dearly. May God watch over him and keep him safe. Love you, Officer CNC!

Robinmaer 5 years ago

It's like I wrote this myself! Excellent! Thanks for sharing.

Kim 5 years ago

Wow. Outstanding article, very well written. I'm engaged to a LEO and just last March he was struck and killed by another careless motorist in a hurry to get somewhere. It wasn't even his call, but went to help his fellow officer. I am grateful the doctors were able to bring him back to me, but the woman who hit him didn't even get a ticket! One of the other wives was with me at the hospital and she said, "Don't worry, he'll be ok and this will not be the last night your ever here for him...he will end up in the ER again." Thank you for the article. Most people have no idea what its like on the 'inside' and you've put it perfectly.

Lisa 5 years ago

So on point! Could have written this myself.

Missouri Fox 5 years ago

My uncle and godfather retired a detective after spending his whole working life on the job. Reading your article kind of had the same effect on my opinion of Uncle Frank that seeing "Saving Private Ryan" had on my opinion of my father. I knew my dad had been on Omaha Beach on D-Day at the age of 18, and I knew he spent the day shuttling soldiers from the ships to the shore in a small landing craft. But until I saw Spielberg's graphic depiction of a hail of machine gun slugs tearing those landing parties apart, I never realized what a hero my father was. And reading your beautiful article, I likewise have a newfound appreciation of what a hero my Uncle Frank is...and his wonderful wife, Wanda. Thanks for opening my eyes, and God bless you and your family. And thanks to your LEO and you for your courage and sacrifices. Don't bother about the critics. They're irrelevant, and they make themselves so. You're way beyond relevant and have every right to be proud.

Eileen 5 years ago

I totally get it! My friends don't get why I can't go to certain places. I just tell them "My husband won't let me!"

Melissa 5 years ago

You said it exactly! And thank you SO MUCH for the encouragement!! My husband has been in LE for 10 years. With a surprise 2nd baby due in a few months, I've been pretty overwhelmed about starting over again with a baby on my own. You've reminded me of all the reasons I swore I'd never ask him to leave LE. Thank you again for the encouragement to support him!

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Shelvajay 5 years ago from If You Know Me Personally, You Know Where I Am...

I would like to tell you that this was very beautifully written. My brother in law is the first policeman that I ever knew. He has been a policeman for almost 25 years, and he has been my brother in law for all of those years except the first one. They have a very strong Marriage, and what you have written reinforces this, in my mind. Thank you for sharing this. Have a good day.

Dave 5 years ago

You can replace LEO with firefighter(which I am) and its almost the same. This was great to read and believe me we appreciate all the wives and girlfriends that have to 'put up' with us. lol

Tiffany K. 5 years ago

I love this! Great job. Sometimes it hard to remember that there are so many LEO wives who deal with the same issues I do. It doesn't matter which city you live in, how big your hubby's dept. is, where he falls on the command chain, or how long he's been there, it's all the same in the LEO world. Thanks for this!!

And as far as your appended message about the other comment about "Enjoying the view", I totally agree with you. Any man in just about any uniform is easy on the eyes, it's the baggage that goes along with the uniform that takes a strong woman to deal with. If you like the uniform, but can't handle the responsibility that goes with it, rent one and put it on your English teacher husband.

Susan 5 years ago

This was awesome. I am not the wife of a LEO but know an amazing woman who was. She lost her husband last year. The loyalty of the officers to each other and to her during this hard time was inspiring while heartbreaking at the same time. I have nothing but praise for all LEOs and their families! Thank you for writing this.

not white trash 5 years ago

I wish I could convince my husband to read this, sometimes he is a controlling jerk "do it because I said so", when your husband gives you an order, or tells you to knick off, you know its a serious situation, not him just being a jerk (like most guys) and he is looking after your family welfare. That is absolutely fantastic. More power to you and good luck, stay strong, keep the home fires burning for him.

Jennifer 5 years ago

Wow, perfect, and so very true. I tell all the guys I work with at the PD, if you find a girl who can handle what you do for a living, hang on to her!!!! Police wives are a rare breed and they are to be respected.

Amy 5 years ago

Wow! Absolutely great writing. As I was reading the comments, someone stated that they knew what they were getting into from the start. But with some of us that is not the case. My LEO was working shifts when we first met, which was difficult but manageable. Our relationship was great back then. But after a couple years, he was promoted and moved to a drug interdiction team. Needless to say, I was extremely proud of him. But then the work schedule set in. With this position he goes in at 3:00 p.m. and doesn't get off at any particular time in the middle of the night. And he only works nights (drug dealers hours) and when he is off he's on the phone talking with snitches and other deputies. And he works anywhere from 24-28 nights a month. The problem is that I'm a teacher so I don't get off until 3:45 and I also have 4 very active children ages 14 to 3. At times I feel like a single mother of 4 with a ring on my finger. Don't get me wrong. I am VERY proud of my husband. I am just very frustrated and alone. This was not the life I expected when I agreed to marry a police officer.

Eddie 5 years ago

As a Law Enforcement officer for 20 years this struck a cord....Well done girls...

Jason 5 years ago

i have the opposite problem. my gf wants to be a cop and i know its wrong to stop her from being what she wants to be but its so dangerous and im the nworrying type, im also really sensitive and high maintanance. im afraid i wont be able to handle it . i love her so much. and im also so terrified she is hurt or even killed, when you spoke of how your husband cant always be seen with you in public for your safety, well.... i dont want to live a life in fear.... that not my idea of a life at all. there already enough haters to watch out for now ill have goddam criminals to ?? wtf like pl who want her dead ?? oh no no no no , i cant handle thinking that. losing her wuld ..... :( well u know... it wuld be soul destroying.

lilgirllost 5 years ago

thanks for your article. just like our troops who get respected and honored for the duty they signed up for, our LEO's need to be given the same recognition for the sacrifice and risk to their lives taht they put take every day. Sadly, this is not so. There are times when a soldier is home or gets R & R and they can get away from that daily stress and risk that they take, but not an LEO. The job they do is a daily thing and one they don't get a break from. Every single day they go to work, they deal with the risk. My LEO hasn't had a real vacation in over 10 yrs! IF and that is a BIG IF, he actually manages to be able and schedule time off then the whole time he is off, the phone is ringing at all hours of the day and such so there is no real getting away from it. By the time you actually might start to let some of it go, it is already time to go back to work again.

I firmly believe that our LEO's are underpaid. Just like teacher's, firefighters and EMS. They will never compensate them enough for the job they do!

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blissinprogress 5 years ago from Edmond, OK Author

To jason,

One thing about being married to a LEO, you must be on board and willing to be their biggest supporter, best advocate and their pillar of strength they come home to. LEO's cannot protect and serve the public much less keep themselves safe if their home life is a battlefield. A LEO needs a spouse who can hold their own, one who is secure and can handle anything that is thrown at them at the last minute. A LEO spouse must be one that understands the life and is willing to keep their relationship with their LEO separate from their LEO's other words, be frustrated that a call came in late and your LEO will not be home soon, but don't take it out on your LEO, it's not their fault the call came late, but it is their duty to handle it. The last thing your GF would need is to have you sulking or mad that she had to work late, she will already be exhausted, starving and wanted to be home hours before too...she needs a peaceful, loving environment to return to. Likewise, you cannot enter a relationship with a LEO and live in fear. You accept the risks and live your life despite them. It is something you accept and move on. If you wallow in the risks it will just breed resentment. A LEO life is not easy, and you wil be doomed from the start if you cannot accept the life and all it entails from the beginning. Something you and your GF should seriously discuss.

Gareth 5 years ago

Great article - should be shown to all partners and definitely to the serving officers.

I am a retired British police officer - having completed nearly 30 years service and still happily married after 36 yrs.

I came across the article by accident and not having much or any knowledge of the life of an American officer and his/her family, I don't know why I was surprised to find so many similarities to that of a British police officer and their families.

I was particularly interested to read some of the comments in response and it is clear that the partners of officers are not well prepared for the journey that they are about to embark on, what to expect, what to do - particularly when the going gets tough etc.

For those whose marriages/partnerships survive - it takes a lot of hard work and mutual understanding from both sides. I would like to see more done at an early stage to help people to understand what commitment is being made - not just by those who 'sign up',but those left waiting for the dreaded phone to ring.

For a few years after leaving the police service I was the CEO of a victims charity and through training and working with victims have a better understanding of the impact of crime upon them - much better than when I actually had responsibility for 'serving' them as a police officer. There are clearly issues which need to be addressed still with Domestic Abuse, whether physical or emotional, within police families and linked to that a need for better training, practical help and emotional support for Police Officers in order to help them cope with the stresses of everyday policing.

I am particularly in favour of ensuring automatic referral for all police officers to counselling services after traumatic incidents as I am fed up of hearing senior offices saying 'well they were OFFERED support' before the wheel came off the wagon. Some in the police service (or other emergency services)would argue that it is an issue of consent and some officers wouldn't welcome it. My response is that not all people who suffer PTSD know that they have been affected, sometimes until it is too late and if people are automatically made to attend - they don't have to participate if they don't want to - but after talking about what has happened, my experience with working with such issues is that people do talk when they say they don't want to and certainly feel relief that they are able to talk confidentially outside their peer group without the stigma that they 'can't cope'.

Perhaps if this happened, there would be less incidents of officers coming home after a bad day and 'kicking the cat' or worse.

Best wishes to all serving officers....and survivors!

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Auntie M 5 years ago

Three cheers for the thin blue line of defense between me and the criminals. All that can be done to keep them safe and offer them services when they are in need should be available. They are more than just our street soldiers, they are a representation of our desire for ideal communty living.

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Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas

I've looked at lots of hubs in my time; but I've never seen anything like this one; seven thousand times shared on facebook? Are you kidding? THAT IS AMAZING!!!!

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TheMMAZone 5 years ago from Kansas

If a hub is measured by the comments and conversation it has opened up then this is truly one of the best. Thanks and great job.

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htodd 5 years ago from United States

you have a very good points ,Great read Thanks for sharing

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Kwenbee 5 years ago from Delaware

Wow...I was surprised when I got to the end of this and saw that you had actually gotten negative comments. I was thinking as I read it that I wanted to comment that I used to be a firefighter's wife...volunteer, not paid...which sometimes seemed worse. He CHOSE to run into a burning building when everyone else was running out and wasn't even getting paid to do it. A lot of what you said reminded me of those days. The difference was that he was volunteer and when it got to the point he no longer had the desire, he could just walk away...unlike if it was a career.

Great, great article and I plan to share this with some of my friends on Facebook who are married to or know someone who is married to an LEO. It is a life many will never know and probably couldn't handle.

Fellow "LEO Wife" 5 years ago

As I was reading through your post, I came across the term "LEO wife." Not having a clue what this was, but knowing I am one, I had to call my husband who enlightened me. Just for fun, I asked my teen daughter what she thought it could be, and she came up with "live entertainment officer." Best laugh I've had in a long time! I think I'll wait until the end of the work week to tell hubby in the hopes that I might get a little "live entertainment officer" action ;)

NTALLENT 5 years ago

This article is simply amazing. I am also a LEO wife and a 911 dispatcher. We work a lot together, in the same county. A lot of people have questioned about me dispatching for his agency, I tell them he was an officer when I met him and I was a dispatcher when he met me, so thats the way it is when we are at work..job first. I knew what I was getting into since I had worked at 911 years before marrying my husband, still it can be trying sometimes. I still get fustrated sometimes when "duty" calls and then I think what if this was the last time I get a chance to talk to him, so I try to make sure he knows I love him and the job he does. My husband is also a good officer, everything by the book, and thanks for addressing the good cop/bad cop issue. Every profession has good and bad. My husband is always dedicated to his calling and I am right behind him. He supports me and I support him and thats really the way it should be. We have 4 sons between the two of us and it can be trying to schedule or do anything with the whole family. But now the oldest son who is in college wants to follow in his Dads footsteps, first finishing college, then going into the field. My 4 yoa son also wants to become a officer, my husband was getting ready for work and my 4 yr old came in the room and looked up at my husband in his gear..then decided thats what he wants to do when he gets older. He told my husband he wants to ride in the car with him when he gets older. My son like yours has more cruisers than we know what to do with. I love my husband and dont know what I would do without him. He gets fed up sometimes and says he is going to quit. I tell him he is too blue and I wont be married to him any other way. He was meant to be an officer and he wouldn't be happy doing anything else. Just like me I couldn't get out of Law Enforcement if I tried...Thanks again for the article.

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Alayne Fenasci 5 years ago from Louisiana

Reading this hub has made an impact on me. While I've always had the utmost respect for officers and their families, I now appreciate them even more. Before we were married, my husband asked me if I thought I could be married to a police officer. He was considering it as a profession. I had to be honest and say no. Not that I wouldn't WANT to, but it takes a remarkable kind of woman to be able to do all you do. Even in my limited understanding of all that would entail, I was well aware I couldn't, though not for lack of dedication or desire to support. As it turned out, other factors prevented him from pursuing that line of service, but the idea made me all the more appreciative of the men and women who choose to take on these roles.

Thank you sincerely.

Raquel 5 years ago

A nice reminder that i'm not alone. Thank you for sharing.

NL 5 years ago

Thank you, thank you, thank you...

Shan 5 years ago

Wow I am married to a LEO and your story is mine! I was blown away by all of the rituals you do with your kids and the dinners missed, even the being left at restaunts. You dont realize how many other people go through the same things.Thank you I feel like im not alone!

Emily Barker 5 years ago


Angie Charbonneau 5 years ago

From one LEO WIFE to another...thank you for a great article!!!

Tonight is my husband's last night off obefore he begins his next 4 days on. We are watching the updates on the news regarding the murder's of two more LEO St. Petersburg, FL while Miami-Dade lay to rest two. It's just a reminder how dangerous his career is. But as he said tonight, I was born to be a cop, it is my life and I will not allow scumbag to take away the love I have for the job!

So I read your article to him. We laughed as we have experienced everything you have! I felt as if I was reading "Our Life".

It's good to hear we are not alone instead we are part of a very special and large family, and I too am very proud of my LEO.

To all LEO and their safe!

Lori  5 years ago

Melissa this article is awesome. As an LEO wife it rings true on every level. We have just recently lost our chief in a shooting in our small town and it has effected everyone greatly. Thank you for your words. I love my LEO and yes, I do also enjoy the view! :-)

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catwhitehead 5 years ago

Well done--you have an amazing ability to express your feeling and relay your experiences using the written word. God bless you, your husband and everyone in your situation.

Brenda 5 years ago

Thank you so much for this article. Being a wife of LEO is not easy by any means. Sometimes its easy to become selfish and jealous of the time they are away from us. How we seem to feel like everything falls on us. We need to stop and remember that everyday when they walk out the door the dangers they are walking into. What's a cold dinner, missed holiday, or doing things alone compared to that. I know that they rather be at home warm and cozy with their family on cold snowy nights, they miss seeing the kids or going to bed at the same time as their spouse. So, while we are missing them we need to realize they miss us too. My husband always says that not seeing eachother as often makes every minute we have more cherishable. He is so right. I can say one of the best feelings is when he finally comes home crawls into bed at 1, 3 or 6 am. I can finally take that breathe of relief. All to often we forget to tell them how much we love and appreciate what they do. Again, thank you for this article sometimes we feel like we are the only ones feeling the emotions or living this life. Nice to know we are not the only ones. God bless you and your family. God Bless our Officers

just a quick story

when my son was about 4 my husband came home in the middle of the night during his shift and woke my son up,

put him in the car and took him around the block with lights on.

The next day my son said "mommy I had the best dream,

Daddy and I were chasen bad guys" that was 7 yrs ago and he still talks about it..

blissinprogress profile image

blissinprogress 5 years ago from Edmond, OK Author

Brenda, that's the best story I have ever heard! Lucky little boy!

LEO 5 years ago

So very true in all aspects. I'm an LEO and I thank and pray to god each and every day, thanking him for the greatest blessing I have ever received, a wife who stands by my side despite going through all of this. I can only be eternally grateful and amazed into how incredible this woman and any LEO wife can be. The things you all go through and sacrifices you all make far outweigh some of the things we as LEO's encounter in the performance of our duties. It really does bring us peace of mind going into our shift knowing that our wives are at home praying for us, supporting us and waiting for us to come home day in and day out. Your extra effort and patience is greatly appreciated and I personally believe that it is those efforts and unselfishness that really make LEO marriages work. It really is difficult as a man to accept the fact that everything your wife goes through emotionally is mainly because of you and your love for the job. It isn't a good feeling to miss out on so many imlortant events such as anniversaries, birthdays, dates and other things that mean so much to your wife especially when you know she bends over backwards for you. God bless my wife and any other LEO wife out there, you all play as much of an important role as an LEO does in his community. Find peace in knowing that everything you all do for us never goes unnoticed.

Cathleen 5 years ago

Married to my LEO 20 years and your account is so accurate! Thank you for sharing.

RebRos 5 years ago

Thank you. Sometimes this LEO wife lets the frustration get the better of her and forgets what is really important. Thank you for reminding me. God bless our LEO's and their families.

Andy 5 years ago

Such a brilliantly written piece. It made me revisit all the sacrifices my wife makes for me. A must read for all of us officers. Thanks

Darla 5 years ago

loved it!

Amanda 5 years ago

WOW. I wish we lived closer. IT would be wonderful to have a support group. My husbands squad does everything seperately. No wives invited to holiday parties so we never get to know one another.

Jen in Canada 5 years ago

Thanks for this article. I just attended the funeral of a Toronto Police Officer last week. As a police wife, I felt the need to be there to add to the show of support for the fallen officer's wife and young son. Each time I go to a funeral or memorial, I can't help thinking that I hope I never have to sit in the front seats. Your article expressed what all of us police wives/spouses experience each and every day. I think it would be a particularly useful reading for anyone considering marrying a police officer and might prevent some marriage breakdowns later on. This article is the truth of it and I have learned that being able honestly assess whether you can take on the daily challenges and frustrations of supporting your LEO (and the rest of your family!) is critical to the success of a police marriage! That being said, I have found it extremely important to find a couple of things that bring me personal joy that aren't dependent on my husband's presence! It helps to reduce any resentment that builds up and makes me feel connected to the world around me! Keep up the great work! May all of our husbands and wives be safe!

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lender3212000 5 years ago from Beverly Hills, CA

Wow, what a great article! I appreciate you taking the time to share your story with the community.

Nicole 5 years ago

Thank you for the article of a "LEO" and also the article regarding our fallen officers. My husband was injured Dec 27th arresting a man he has personally put in jail 6 times. Fortunately he was not shot, but sustained a severe injury requiring surgery and a hospital stay. It has been hitting very close to home, as I am a Michigan resident and we just had 5 shot in the last week. One officer losing his life. I pray everytime he leaves the house that he will come home safely and there have been silent tears that have fallen on my pillow at night. He is a wonderful man and husband and I wouldn't trade our life for anything. Lately I have been wearing the St Michael medalion (patron saint of police/emt) to give myself some comfort in these crazy times. I choose not to discuss my fears with him, as he doesn't need to think of my feelings as he is saving, helping others! Thanks again for the true testimonial you have given in both articles!!

Barbara 5 years ago

Melissa, I have been married to a LEO for 21 wonderful years and I must say your article could not be any closer to the truth. I am also in LE as a Public Safety Dispatcher and I think it has helped me understand his job and job related frustrations a lot more than the "normal" wife. They say it takes a special person to be a LEO's spouse so to all of you I say God Bless You for standing by those who serve us on a daily basis to make our lives safer.

Lisa 5 years ago

My brother is a police officer, and I thought your articles was beautiful and well-written

melendez 5 years ago

Not only am I a police officer but so is the person I'm with. Its very difficult sometimes to make time for "us" when our schedules don't match up Or one of us is tired when the other is fully awake. And then I cnt help but feel bad knowing we had made plans a certain day and time and its their first day off and all he wants to do is sleep.

I am grateful for my mom who then helps me to take care of my little girl, knowing she might not hear from me if something did go wrong. She also is understanding and has learned that I won't be there for every holiday,birthday, or 3 day weekend.

Your article touched every subject in our job.

Thank you. And its ppl like u that make our job, and life at home worth it :)

Gunny 5 years ago

I can't thank you enough for this informative article. I am happy to see as many supporters as there are. You could not have said it better. I treasure every momemt with my husband (a LEO) and children. God bless you and everyone one that agrees and supports your thoughts and feelings. I pray everyday that they are all safe.

Christina 5 years ago

Hey there, I just wanted to say that I thought this was an awesome blog. I am the wife of a LEO as well. We've been together 10 years, married for almost 8...and we have 4 kids, ages almost 7 and under. I shared this on Facebook. My sister is engaged to a LEO and she shared it as well. We come from a huge LEO, uncle, cousins, etc. so we know the lifestyle well. Seems like this blog is pretty popular...hopefully it opened some eyes.

kristen 5 years ago

So very well written! So, so, so true. Married to an LEO for 10 years and have 3 children. Most do not understand the life unless married to or have a LEO in the family. This is the perfect piece to show those who are somewhat unfamiliar with all that is involved. Just one note: all the challenges with having a LEO who works midnight shift--sleeping days, keeping house quiet with a house full of kids, switching back to "normal" hours on days off to be able to spend with family,etc. And we meet all those shift work challenges with a smile. :) (most of the time!)

Rebecca 5 years ago

I am the mother of a LEO and I am so glad that he married a woman like this. I know that when he gets home from his shift, she is waiting for him to support and love him. Thank you for sharing this with many others. Most have no idea what our families go though. I am proud of our LEO's and pray for all of them daily.

RG 5 years ago

Thank you for writing this article. It makes me feel like I am not alone. It is nice to be reminded of the "family" that we all are.

i love my police officer 5 years ago

my boyfriend been a police officer that works at night, It a hard job for them an its hard for us to being alone with the kids when hes off he sleeps the days away but we do get our family time in sometimes i feel like i am alone no friends that understands how hard it is. I really love the words i read this page every night after i pray!!!! thank you so much for writing this!!!! its a differnt life an it hard but i always hold my head up high staying srong!!! Thanking GOD for everything!!! praying to God to watch over them every everyday walk him throght an gide him throght as he work the steets at night!!! hes my heart an my eveything!!! Thank u again

i love my police officer  5 years ago

my boyfriend is a police officer that works at night, It a hard job for them an its hard for us to being alone with the kids when hes off he sleeps the days away but we do get our family time in sometimes i feel like i am alone no friends that understands how hard it is. I really love the words i read this page every night after i pray!!!! thank you so much for writing this!!!! its a different life an it hard but i always hold my head up high staying srong!!! Thanking GOD for everything!!! praying to God to watch over them every everyday walk him throght an gide him throght as he work the steets at night!!! hes my heart an my eveything!!! Thank u again

sorry i had somethings wrong that i needed to change i want to thank all the good police officers good luck to their wifes its alot of work!! i have a 4 year old boy an i have a two year girl an it been alot of late nights i stay up an alot of times i cried helping him getting ready for work the kids always asking for their daddy when he come in he always kiss us on our forhead best wishes an happness to everyone, stay srong nobody is alone you may feel like lucking ur self in a room an brake down an cry but the police officers loves their jobs keeping everyone safe!!!! me i stay to myself i am a stay at home mom take care of my to kids when my man is working at night!!! weating for him to return to us everytime

Wife to Badge 42 5 years ago

I'm also a cops wife of 11 years with 2 kids and that article exactly portrays every single situation, feeling, emotion, etc, our family has gone through. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one feeling like that. I'm very proud of my husband and wouldn't change a thing. Every night he walks through the door it's a relief and joy to have him home. I love you 42!!!!!!!

Tina in Canada 5 years ago

I am the wife of an LEO "applicant". I thought this article was very effective portraying the life we will have if and when my husband becomes a police officer. We have 2 children and we have already discussed some of the inevitable life changes, but others were mentioned - thank you for that!

jessalyn 5 years ago

i am about to officially be a police wife this fall, but have been with him for 5 years already. i am going to print this out and keep in my drawer for those frustrating days. it was beautifully written and perfectly explains how i feel on a daily basis. i couldn't be prouder of him, and even though it can be a tough lifestyle, it is worth every minute to be his other half.

thank you.

Dee Whitt 5 years ago

This article was so amazing and I had to read it. We have a daughter in a true relationship with a Police officer and I totally think the world of him and I know she supports him in every way tha t he needs it. This young man puts hi life on the line everyday when he walks out of his home. I pray alot of times for them, and I know he loves his job and he truly loves our daughter

Kerr 5 years ago

Thank you for writing this. I am so glad to know I am not alone. You hit on so many topics that people don't realize.

Eli 5 years ago

Thank you so much for writing this, it is so beautifully written. You put my exact feelings down into words and it is a nice feeling to realize I am not alone with my everyday frustrations of being the wife of a LEO. But I couldn't be prouder of what he does every single day. Thank you so much for sharing this.

Jennifer 5 years ago

Very well Written & very true. I am a fiancé of a LEO, And I also am glad to know that I am not alone when it comes to the loneliness and feelings or frustrations sometimes. But Its all part of being with a LEO And I would not change it at all! I love my LEO & am so proud of him & what he does. Thank you for sharing!

AshleyG. 5 years ago

I can not begin to tell you as an LEO wife how much I enjoy reading each and every word of your articles. You say the things that feel most other people don't understand like when something happens and the life of your husband is in danger and the comment from people is " that's what he signed up for when he took this job" that response makes me sick. When. Something happens to a persons family member and they die in a car accident no one would begin to think to say " people die in cars everyday, they knew the risks when they got in the car" people sleep safe at night because our husband selflessly watch over them and their loved ones. I will never understand the hate there is towards LEO's.

Christina S 5 years ago

Reading this was like seeing my own diary, just much better written. Thank you for taking the time to put this all together. Married 7 years to my LEO with two children. We all adore him and all know what these terms mean. I've shared this with my friends and family not in the LEO community to give them a good narrative of what we deal with every day. Thank you SO MUCH for sharing!

Catherine K 5 years ago

My comments will mirror most of those on here. The whole time I was reading the article, I was nodding my head. I could not have described my life for the past 5 years any better if I tried. All though my story is a little different, we were married before he became a LEO. But I remember the day the investigator came to see me at work. He asked if I knew what "we" were getting into? While I could not have imagined everything "we" were in for at that time, I answered proudly, "YES, WE DO!" He asked me if I knew why he said "we" instead of "he." He said that becoming a LEO was not just my husband's decision, it was our decision, and it would take the both of us to make him a success. On the days that I get frustrated (like you, there are those days) because I called to ask 1 question and it took all day because I kept hearing "I will have to call you back," I just remember what the investigator told me. Thank you for so perfectly capturing what we LEO Wives go through on a daily basis. Truly appreciated to know I am not alone!

4aimeers 5 years ago

Thank you for your eloquent writing-I am a Deputy Wife, and daughter (retired) as well as a dispatcher....You write so much of what I feel!!

Christina 5 years ago

There is a controversy in our township over the municipal budget.There are negative comments about the number of police officers and their rate of pay. What you wrote brings up reasons that I believe good LEOs EARN their pay.

Thank you for your article. More than that, thank you for standing behind your mate. I know it makes him better at his job to have your support.

Crystal 5 years ago

Very well written! Thank you, thank you, thank you!! :)

Steve 5 years ago

Awsome... really makes me see what my wife goes through. And thanks you for showing others what LEO go through and how we think... hit the nail on the head

Proud Police Wife 5 years ago

This is so touching! I felt like you were talking about my life :) It is amazing and very well written. I think every one should read this- LEO or not. It could shine a new light on law enforcement and their families. BTW it is so nice to hear from all these people who know what our life is like and understand the kind of love and commitment it takes to be an LEO. Thank you.

cehale1008 5 years ago

I literally cried while reading this. So few people understand what it's like or get our versions of "normal." When I read this I couldn't help thinking it was like someone picked my brain and put it into words. I love being an LEO wife, because I love my LEO. And like you said, it's more than a job; it's who he is. Thanks for giving us wives a voice.

Kathey in SC 5 years ago

I saw this on a LEO spouse website, and I am planning on sharing it. Yes, our lives are just like this, and all of that was way too familiar. Thanks for sharing with the world what we all go through. It is hard, as we do much of it alone, and people who are not LE just cannot understand what we deal with. I have been military and my husband LEO, and I tell ya, it is nice to have sisters here who understand what we go through and you are right, this life is not for the weak . I just came from a parole hearing today for the killer of two LEO's and I have known his family for many years, and their heartbreak reminds me that , 'There but for the Grace of God go I". Being retired military, we expect it on deployments, but our LEO's have to expect it any da, and as you said, when one is injured or killed, it is not just us calling them, but also everyone calling us, to see if it is ours. Many times it is hard, and I have seen many marriages break up, so I can say, yes,for those who stick it out, we are cut from a different cloth, that that is ok to say!

heather phillips 5 years ago

I would just like to say that this article is absolutely brilliant. I live in England and my husband is a police officer and sometimes I resent being a police officer's wife. I dont get to mix with other wifes as his team are either single or dont want to mix. I find it very hard as people have a very bad opinion of the police so I dont have anyone to talk to who understands.

This week has been very trying, the riots in the UK has ment my husband working 14 hr days, with me at home worrying. The news reporting police officers injured, my husband telling me 'jokes' about what happened in the day - which make me worry even further. Then the old "i'll call you back, somethings happening".

Christmas, Birthdays and events always seem to be cancelled or rearranged and the times he's off he's so tired we dont get to do much, I feel that my life revolves around his work even though I have a full time job myself.

Im not looking forward to having kids as I dont want them to be as upset or let down continually - what you have said though has made me really appreciate his job and priorities, as I do feel second best to the police, but I guess I'm not, Im just a different aspect in his life which he comes home to to unwind and relax.

Heather - married to a policeman for 1yr, its hard going...

Theresa 5 years ago

My boyfriend wants to be a cop and it scares me everyday but its what he wants so its what he will do. I Love Him with all of my heart and i support him 100%. but it will always scare me that he could go to work one day and not come home.

Kelly 5 years ago

I have been married to a LEO for 12 years. Its odd seeing my life written out by someone else. This article is an eye opener to those who don't understand. I always said when the world is turning clockwise my life is turning counter clockwise. When the kids were babies and didn't understand too well we would have holidays on days that weren't just so my husband would be able to enjoy it too. Married to a LEO with a rotating schedule you can never sign up for that art class you wanted to take, can't plan a day to go out with the girls because you're not sure if your LEO has had OT assigned or if its time to requalify the midnight squad or the afternoon shift is short and he has to go in early, again. It is a ruff life, I do a lot of things by myself, spend a lot of holidays alone, and drag my kids everywhere they need to go without any help but I wouldn't trade it either I have met some wonderful LEO wives that I've become close with and they are very supportive because they are always in the same situation as I am. Beautiful article keep up the good work!

Karen 5 years ago

I never knew just how strong I really was until I met my husband. You are right it takes some getting use to and there is so much you have to learn and understand as a LEO's Wife. About 6 years ago my husband changed departments. We moved 4 hours away, going from a small town where everyone knew each other to a Large County leaving my mom behind. She had her own place and job never thought nothing of it nor did she until someone tried to break into her apartment. She was told by an Officer and Dear Friend that she needed to move that some of the Drug dealers my husband, (who was a K-9 Officer then) had arrested were getting out of jail and if they could not get to him personally they would do it through her. Mom called us right then. My husband never gave it a second thought, We drove the 4 miles with a Uhale and moved her in with us. I think that was the scarriest thing we have gone through but it makes you aware of the danger. Since then we have not lived in the same county he worked for to try and a avoid that issue again. I can say that My Husband is My HERO!!!! I Love him and am so very Proud of him. As hard as it has been I would NEVER change a thing. This is my life and I Love It!!!!

Davida 5 years ago

I was married to a police officer for almost 30 years. As I read every thing that was written I was amazed at how it read like my life. One thing is for sure, I would not trade those years for anything. My husband until his death was a true police officer. Even as he made his way through the ranks, in his heart, he was a beat cop. As a wife, you did learn how to support your husband. You never wanted him to go to work with a petty argument on his mind or any problems from home. You never wanted them to be distracted what so ever while working. Thank you for writing the truth about police officers wives and families and the sacrifices that are made by both.

Melissa C 5 years ago

Thank you for writing what so many of us think but can't put into words. I found myself smiling, shaking my head in agreement and crying at moments at how true this is. As a wife of a LEO and the daughter of a fallen LEO - thank you! God Bless!

Marion 5 years ago

Although mine no longer works the road, I still remember th

oe days - meals when we could grab them - that dreaded 2 am knock on the door.

Thank you for this wonderful love letter - because that's what it is.

Hayley O. 5 years ago

Wow! I have been a "LEO wife" for 10 years now. I have always felt that my marriage and dynamic with my husband were a little odd to others. Thank you for writing this! It was such comfort and encouragement to see that my marriage is really not all that strange! I am so proud of my husband and all that he stands for in his profession. In my eyes, he truly is a hero and I love him.

J. Roberts 5 years ago

Wow, Opened my eyes to a lot. Thank you.

Sarah 5 years ago

I thought mine was the only one who would sit facing the door. :o)

You wrote my thoughts beautifully. I cried and laughed through this at the same time.

Thank you.

B. Cumby 5 years ago

Thank u so much for stating what we all feel as LEO wives. I relate to it all, esp. about the part of the kids sensing the importance of daddy leaving & daddy coming home. My daughters have dealt with this their whole lives. First as their dad was a firefighter & paramedic, then as the police bug bit him, lol. My youngest daughter does a checklist every day before he leaves just to make sure daddy has everything he needs to keep him safe. We try to check on him at least a time or 2 each shift & each time we can't reach him, there is a little moment of panic, especially when we see on Facebook or the news that something is going down. I just want to thank the Lord for watching over him & keeping him safe. If it weren't for our faith in the Lord. I don't know that I could handle the job of being an LEO's wife.

Sissie Davis 5 years ago

Every word of it is so true. Gotta love the devoted Men behind the Badge.!!!!!

Hanna 5 years ago

Very well written! I am not married but I am dating an officer an I can relate to some of the situations already. I was completely unaware of what was in store for me when I started dating him. But as we got closer he didn't hesitate to tell me that there were going to be times we couldn't talk on the phone or times he wouldn't get off until 2am. I pray everyday that him and all the other officers make it home safely. I never knew how strong I was until I got a first glemse at how dangerous his job REALLY was. We didn't talk much that night, just because he was stressed. My patience was definitely tested. But I've learned to give him his time and not push him into telling me anything.

This was really a heads-up for what's to come. Thank you soo much for sharing.

God Bless!!

Polly 5 years ago

This was a great Article - very well written. It could also describe what the wife of a Border Patrol agent goes through, to a certain extent.

Eileen 5 years ago

I want to thank you so much for sharing this!! I also want to thank all of the LEO officers for everything they do to help keep me and my family safe. I admire you and every other LEO's spouse who is as supportive as you are! I pray for God's blessings on you and your family!!

tresa 5 years ago

Excellent piece. I've been a military wife, EMS wife, Firefighter's wife, Deputy's wife and now soon to be PSO's wife! -Oh yes, same man:) Not many can understand "our life" - the worries, distractions, elation, sacrifices, commitments, and pride we go through - (and all in one shift!). It's nice to hear from so many others that understand. It's uplifting and reassuring to hear we are still normal folks even when we might feel like a rare breed. I am extremely proud of everything my husband has done. I wouldn't change my life I if could. My family is truly BLESSED!

JLott 5 years ago

Very nice article. I'm a future LEO wife, my husband is in the academy now. He wanted to get into LE for the brotherhood and I look forward to joining that sisterhood. A military and LEO wife are very similar because they stick together and support each other and is like no other type of wife and group.

Amber 5 years ago

Amazing. Simply amazing article. Very few understand the life of an LEO wife. We listen to other wives complain about the trash not being taken out or not getting help with laundry, and we have those complaints too, but add to it that those complaints are so trivial to "honey, I'm sorry, I have to stay over". I only pushed it one time, and threw a total fit when he got home, only to find out that he was involved in a domestic disturbance where the mother had shot the father, and the young child was in the house. He stayed so the child could watch movies on his in car computer. I really didn't care that he was late after that.

MrsKalways 4 years ago

12:16 AM just finished your article. Hubby is on the 4pm-whenever and we are in his extra long week. In tears because it all applies,my daughter plays with police cars over dolls and wakes up when she hears his key in the door, even our 6month cries to get in our bed at the same time he comes home. I needed this article it is everything I feel and you put it wonderfully. Thank You

LEO Wife 4 years ago

I couldn't agree more with your article. It is exactly how my daughter and I live with my husband. I think I am still trying to get used to it and it has been three years. Our daughter is 13 months and screams for him when he comes through the door after work. I feel like I know so much about his job because he lives it 24/7. Now I am going to the academy in January to become an officer too. It takes a very dedicated personality to be a wife of a police officer. She really needs to be dedicated to him and his career. Too all the other wives, I empathize you on all of your lonely days or nights. Take care and be strong:)

Diana B 4 years ago

Thank you so much for this. I cannot express to you how much this means. I'm literally at the starting line. Hubs has his "black Monday" in 3 days and it's the beginning of a dream he's had his whole life. We are fortunate to have a good amount of LEO family and friends to support us and prepare us for what lies ahead. But this is the best so far. thank you 1000x over. I pray that I'm half the LEOW you are Mel :)

Tom 4 years ago

I'm a LEO going through a divorce. It's a shame they didn't have a course or a group back when I got married. My wife never understood the 'cop life' and never once told me to be careful out there. Good luck to all of the Leo's and their wives out there. Support each other and Godspeed.

Christina 4 years ago

It was refreshing to read and realize it is not just my husband who has these "quirks" (think: a table facing the door, we r not going here cuz it is a bad area etc.) Since we were in the military when we got married, it might be a little easier for me, for I have never known a "normal" schedule with my husband, but all in all it was an adjustment. I do not come from a LEO family, had never dated a cop before...had no clue. It took me a while to get used to the people that would assume we had marital problems because I often go "stag" to functions or events. I call my hubby : "my imaginary husband". =0) Your article might make it a bit easier for non-LEOs to understand why our lives just aren't run like theirs and if they value our friendship, they too, need to be flexible and let go of traditional expectations.

Judith 4 years ago

Great article, and thank you. I hope it reminds more of us who are not police officer's wives to make a special effort to help them and their families.

Patty 4 years ago

Awesome article! Been married to the "badge" for 12 1/2 yrs. what you said in your article was spot on....hard for me to swallow some days but absolutely right. There are nights that hard for me to kiss good-bye and not go off on him b/c I am upset/mad/whatever...but I do my best to send him off in a good way w/a clear mind. Thank you for this!

Luz Yanez 4 years ago

I love it It almost feels like I wrote this lol Love it

Christine Derby 4 years ago

I have to say I can relate to this whole thing mainly because I am married to a LEO and I myself am a constable working as a Capias arrest warrant specialist. With that being said MY 13 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER related to the whole, Being in a store playing "I spy a felon..." with Mom! great article and thanks. I shared it on FB!

redraven29 4 years ago

This is a very good read. I've actually been through allot of what this Police officer's wife talks about with the addition of the threat to my husband that his family was in danger. I know there are allot of people who think poorly of police officers, but I have to say after being married to mine for over 21 years, I'm very proud of him. I love you Steve! You are definitely one of the good guys!

Tim 4 years ago

You did a great job writing this and as a LEO I appreciate the support. You have good understanding of what's required of us.

kand 4 years ago

Wow. I needed to read this- my husband started training and I "knew" what I was in for but at the same time i didn't. Thank you for a beautiful article

Mouse 4 years ago

Are they all the same? Funny story about my husband and son. We are at the grocery store, son was 4, he points to a man at the front of the line. "dad, is that guy a dirt bag?". He is answered by a "yes son, he is". I was so embarrassed I took my daughters and got into a different line. But everything in this article is true. Thanks for it.

Blessed 4 years ago

Some of us just get wrapped up in our own daily lives we just do not think of the officers or their families especially when we get stopped for a head light not working. I really appreciate this article. It made me realize how precious life really is and the time we spend with our families and those who protect us and miss the time with their loved ones and families to protect us strangers. I want to thank all you strong Husbands, wives, and children who scarafice daily.... My prayers with you all and again thank you.

30yrPOW 4 years ago

June 2012 my Leo and I will celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary. We've spent more holidays apart than together. My Leo has lost several dear police officer friends that were killed in the line of duty. I wanted to add a few additional points to your touching and accurately written article.

1. Living with the telephone calls from your Leo that begin with "The good news is that I'm alright . . ." only to find out they are in the hospital after being involved in a car accident or violent altercation with a resistor.

2. The heightened anxiety POWs experience during the holidays that their LEOs will be killed in the line of duty. It seems Thanksgiving through New Year's brings out the worst in people and family gatherings.

3. Most LEOs work side jobs to make ends meet due to the deplorable salaries they are paid. This further reduces time spent together as a couple or family.

4. Most officer's heroic efforts go unnoticed because they are modest and view their actions as a normal workday.

5. Watching you LEO have repeated nightmares over a recent tragic call they took.

6. Dealing with the cop "groupies" that are attracted to the uniform. My husband always tells me "if I were to lay naked on the floor, with my uniform neatly placed beside me, they would jump my uniform; not me".

Thank you for the awesome article.

God bless!

Steve 4 years ago

Hilarious. I am a LEO and laughed a lot while I read this. My wife laughed so hard, she was in tears. We laughed because this is all so true. Thanks for writing this.

Amy 4 years ago

Great piece of writing! You definitely captured my thoughts and feelings.

Darline 4 years ago

What a well written article. I am the mother of an LEO. Every word you wrote goes straight to my heart. My precious son was shot on Nov.17,2011 By the Grace of God he is still with us. He was shot while on a dinner break when a punk kid came in to rob the restaurant. He and three other officers were in unmarked cars and plain clothes and left their bullet proof vest in the vehicles while they were eating. One of the officers confronted the gunman and the punk started shooting. My son was trying to get a family in the dining room under a table and had his gun drawn. A 357 bullet hit him under his right arm in his side. Bounced off of his ribs, tore his liver, the artery to his stomach, and exited about an inch below his heart. It then went into his left bicep and is still in his arm. God was surely there protecting him that night. He had 4 children and a loving supportive wife that he fought to live for. He returned to work on Jan. 17, 2012.

He had gone to the hospital with me that same morning for my surgery. He stayed til I was back in my room and left to go to work on the afternoon shift. Most people don't know how little most officers make and how much overtime they pull just to provide for their families. So always keep officers and their families in your prayers. You never know when it may be their last shift.

God Bless you and Keep your LEO safe.

Avery proud LEO Mom.

stacey 4 years ago

This is true, every single word. The understanding you have to have to be a LEO wife is almost unexplainable and you hit pretty close to feelings that are hard to explain. I can't tell you how many times I had to listen to others complain of their relationship problems and thought to myself every aspect they should be greatful for. It takes a special person to be a police officer and not just anyone can be married to one but those that last are commendable.

Troop 4 years ago

I am an Indiana LEO. I shared the link with my wife. She called me back after about an hour crying. She told me she couldn't stop crying because it was so nice to know she was not the only wife that felt the way she does sometimes. We both just wanted to than you and tell you good job. Wives like LEO's don't get a pat on the back very often but u deserve a big one

a trooper's wife 4 years ago

Today I looked on my FB page and this was on there. I do not know how I got it but it is awesome. I can't tell you what it meant to read this today. My husband is a State Trooper and just left for work. I love my Trooper and support him in all that he does. I pray everytime he leaves the house to God to keep him safe and out of harms way. He is a wonderful man and husband,father and granddaddy and I wouldn't trade our life for anything. God is great! Thank you for your article.

Cindy 4 years ago

This was such a good article. I'm only 22 years old and I am a police officer's daughter, my parents are still together, have been for 25 years and that is as long as my dad has been a police officer. I saw a lot my mom went through while I was growing up, but i know I didn't see it all. I am now engaged to a police officer, he was not one when I met him, we met in high school. I have so much respect for police officers and I love my dad and respect him more than anything, but I have to admit I was a little hesistant when my boyfriend, at the time, said he wanted to be a police officer. I didn't want to have to be worried all the time and I didn't want him to be in the line of fire every day for the rest of our lives, but I knew I was being selfish. He is now a police officer and he loves it, he was definitely born for this. I know what I'm in for and I love and respect my fiancé and his carrer/life choice and I will pray for him every day and night. It will be a little more difficult becuase we get married in June '12 and that same month I will start my carrer as an RN also with 12 hour shifts that may or may not go with his schedule, but I am definitely in it and we will work through it. Thank you for this article. Even though I am only 22 I am thankful that I am mature enough to understand what it is to be with a police officer and how it will be for my children since I am a police daughter.

Janette 4 years ago

What a wonderful, well-written account of the typical LEO's wife's life. There were so many points you made that brought tears to my eyes and made me nod with understanding. I love my hubby and have so much respect for him and all the LEO's out there who put their lives on the line every day to try to make their communities safer. I'm so proud of him and reading this makes me realize that sometimes I forget some of these things. A great reminder to LEO spouses never to take anything in their lives for granted, and never forget to kiss their LEO's and wish them a safe shift. Thank you for writing this!

Mary K 4 years ago

Thank you very much from a new mother in law of a LEO.

WENDY 4 years ago


Amy W. 4 years ago

Great words Melissa, My husband just served 8 yrs in the Marine Corps and is now on his way to becoming a LEO. I was proud to be a "Marine Wife" and will be proud to call myself a "LEO Wife". I will be sharing this link

Carol 4 years ago

I sure appricate all that police officers do. I Thank the policer officers who stop me when they are on MADD alert looking for drunk drivers. I thank them also when I am stoped if they are serching for one thing or another, I know they are do their job. I have friends that are police officers and I do know they work very hard for very little pay. May God Bless & Protect them all. No matter who we are, we do need them.

Shawnda 4 years ago

Wow!Could not be said better i see myself and our family in this article to a tee!!!:)

Christine Carver 4 years ago

Thank you

Marie 4 years ago

I am so proud to be the mother of a dedicated police officer.

Vicki 4 years ago

This was an extremely well written article! As a Mother of an LEO I have heard and experienced alot of what you said is in a typical day, right along with my daughter-in-law and grandbabies. My love and admiration go out to all those who serve & protect what MOST people take for granted. If given the a ride-along with your LEO to TRULY experience what their world is like on any given night. I have gone.... and did NOT truly really understand how many things they do at any one time. It was one of the best experiences I have had in a long time. I LOVE my LEO Son!!!! Be safe always.......and Thank You!

Denika Stewart 4 years ago

Thank you so much for writing this. As the wife of an LOE it is sometimes hard to explain to others why you are sometimes late for things, have to cancel last minute and why you can't go certain places or with certain people. It is so easy to feel misunderstood and unappreciated because your career, interests and commitments ultimately always take a backseat to your spouses. I deeply love my LOE and was touched when he sent me this article along with all our family who are thousands of miles away stating how lucky he is to have married me and how he appreciates what our Family sacrifices so he can protect and serve. Everyone needs a word of encouragement sometimes to keep us going so thank you for helping me put things into perspective!!! It means a lot!!! God Bless you and your husband and kids!!!

Donna 4 years ago

Very nice insight to a cop and or their spouse's life. Thank you and may yours and always be safe!

Bonnie 4 years ago

Very well written. I was married to one of the bad ones who found himself in the arms of more than 1 dispatcher but I couldn't agree more with what you have written!

Alicia 4 years ago

Just today I was thinking how nice it would be to have "9-5" schedules. Thank you for reminding me there is more to life than what we want as normal.

Florence Powers 4 years ago

I am the mother of 4 sons, 2 of which were in the police field. One is still a police officer but the other has gone on to another line of work. Everyday as my sons would go to work I would say a prayer asking God to keep them safe. The son that lived with me that was an officer, when he would leave for work every evening I would tell him to stay safe and that I love him. Someone asked me one time how I dealt with having 2 sons that were police officers and wanted to know if I worried about them. I told them that I do worry but that I trust that God will keep them safe and that their training was good enough to prepare them for whatever situation they came upon. I am so proud of all of my sons and thankful for the type of men that they have grown up to be. Thank you all for your selfless service to protect us all.

Robin Snyder 4 years ago

I was the wife of a LEO and a LEO. We are both retired now. It was hard on our two sons having both parents as LEOs. We learned the most important thing was to make sure that you allowed one day for family per month -no matter what....

Leisa 4 years ago

Thank you for writing what many of us feel. I am a wife of a Detective and so many don't understand how we do what we do. I believe this life is not made for all! I am so proud of how my deputy and I make it work! We tag team in life all the time with our 3 kids and go days with quick conversations on the phone or in passing.

One conversation i will never forget is when we were talking and he said "gotta go need to talk to this hooker!" Laugh about it to this day.

But thanks for making my life seem more normal-i laughed and cried! Love it...thanks!

Racheal 4 years ago

What an awesome expression of gratitude shown in this article.My policeman loves his calling and is drawn to make an impact on this cruel world no matter how small our town may be.As stated above,it is who he

is.I do love my officer and because of his loyalty and honor I have a greater respect for the uniform and the sacrifice made by those who wear it.I have LEO love.

Lindsay Henry 4 years ago

Thank you for sharing this article! It is an exact description of the past 12 years of my life. You can never commit to anything because plans can change and you can go days without having a conversation with your husband ... again thank you for sharing!

Lindsay Henry 4 years ago

Thank you for sharing this article! It is an exact description of the past 12 years of my life. You can never commit to anything because plans can change and you can go days without having a conversation with your husband ... again thank you for sharing!

Nina 4 years ago

I have been married to a Canadian Mountie for 15 years and you totally described our lives! Thank you for this beautiful article. My children and I are proud of our LEO, he is one of the good ones and I admire his dedication. Our prayers are for all the LEO around the world! God bless and watch over you all.

Amanda 4 years ago

Melissa I want you to know how refreshing it was to read this! It was very well written and could not have been more accurate. My boyfriend is an LEO and so am I so we both can completely relate to everything in this article. Since we have both been called to this profession, we both deal with the difficulties of our schedules and line of work. Just know that you are never alone in the situations that life throws at you. I appreciate you taking the time to write this in an effort to help inform others who may not have friends or family who are LEOs, who don't know about the daily challenges that we are all faced with.

Claire C. 4 years ago

You have hit the nail on the head with this one. I am sitting here sobbing because everything you've said is exactly how I feel. I have been w/ my husband for 8 years, 4 of them he was a police officer. It's a hard life, but it's all worth it.

BradsPOW 4 years ago

I so agree with your article, it has touched our home in so many ways. People really have no clue what its like to be in a relationship with a officer, I started dating a Sheriff Deputy for a year and it was definitely a eye opening experience. Now where going on two years and he is now the Cheif of our city and it is a very different atmosphere. He is now responsible for all of the police officer that work there and it has definitely made things at home stressful. The radio is never off now, the phone rings all the time now, more so in the middle of the night from his officers asking questions or calling for help. We rarely see each other and I'm always fearing for him and our kids. I once visited him in his office and on his desk was a statement from a male subject stating that he heard a man make a threat towards my man, stating that the next time he saw my man he was going to shoot him right in the back of his head. I was and still am tormented by the thought of someone threating him, and think of not only him but us his family. People sometime come to our home and ask for him and if he's not there it bothers me and scares me alot. I love my Officer and appreciate him and all the other devoted police officer out their that do, like you said that lay their life's on the line for nothing to gain for a stranger. Thank you so much for not only showing people just how much a Police Officers job Intales, but for also shedding light on the lives of the men and women who watches their loved ones leave everyday to protect their community and fight for what they believe in.

Tiff 4 years ago

My husband of 20 years and now our 2 sons are Police Officers! Very proud! Love this article!

Sue C. 4 years ago

I am married to a police Officer for 23 years. 13 of them he's a police officer, you Have describe our lives to the T. One thing I like to share is here we have Hurricane's. My Leo stays here in Louisiana, while I take my Family out of State, out of harms way...while I leave my Husband, & Son's Father to stay home and protect our community, I do my part as His wife and get the kids to safety, just one less thing he has to worry about on his beat during Hurricane's in knowing I and his Son are safe and out of harms way...hard yes, very hard Knowing I am leaving him behind to do what he does best...Protect the citizens of our town........:) would I change my life , NOT even an option....Very proud of MY Husband, even happier when he walks through the door after shift, Thanks so Much you have describe our lives down to the very exhausting, sleeping in seconds, phone conversations, etc..... :))) Love your article!

Kari 4 years ago

Miss Melissa!

I came across your article today! LOVED IT! As I sit in my chair, reminded of all the silly calls my LEO has made to me, I am so thankful for the life we have together. You see, 30 years ago when we met in college, we told each other what we wanted to do with our lives-I wanted to be an ICU nurse, he wanted to be a cop-and that day we promised each other that no matter what, we would be supportive 100% of what ever came our way.

28 years of marriage, 4 children and a grandchild later, we are still living that promise!

My kids learned to say things like "hope no one dies on you today" or other cryptic encouragement as both their parents have had stress-full jobs their entire life.

They have dealt with their dad's good friend being shot to death in front of him and buddies injured in car crashes, fights and an uncle whose K-9 dog was shot in the line of duty. Yes, there have been many nights when he didn't come home especially on Christmas Eves, birthdays and the kids other life/school events (we all just adjusted our special days)...there have been trips to the rehab center to see a cousin who was severely injured in the line of duty because of course, there is never just ONE LEO in their family, there are many.

And yes, there are nights when I wake up to him screaming or crying in his sleep, (thank God for Police Chaplains and pastors who love us) and there are days when he just can't talk.

But I wouldn't change one thing at all for what we promised each other years ago.

I still have the best deal, I have a man who has been good to me, his kids, his parents, his siblings and his friends, a man that even after all the bad he's seen, sees the good in people. A man who believes in paying it forward.

He has worked with a multitude of amazing men and women who are always exemplary every day (and a very few who are not). I am so grateful to my LEO and his peers in many different agencies, their job is their "life" and we as LEOW are their "constant", their "normal" and their "cheering section"! BTW he still loves a good cup of coffee but has given up donuts a looooong time ago!

Katie 4 years ago

Amazingly written. What a spot on depiction of a LEO life and that of his family's. This is the life we lead and it oddly enough does become the norm! Keep writing and may your husband always come home to you and your children as I pray mine does!

Jenni 4 years ago

As a "cops daughter" I've learned to defend the badge as frustrating as it can be, but as an adult and newlywed I've also learned to defend my mother's title as well. I am proud to be a "cops daugther" just as I am proud of my mother for being a "cops wife"!

Kristin 4 years ago

Absolutely amazing and so true!

don 4 years ago

As a Leo that has survived a near fatal shooting, thank you for the insight into the life of a Leo. As our jobs are Important to us, so are our family. Without the support of them, our job would be more difficult. Thanks again.

Krista 4 years ago

Great article! Wish everyone would read this to know what we go through day to day as wives of police officers. It is unfortunate that there are bad cops out there that ruin it for the good ones. My husband is one of the good ones! I am so proud of him and will continue to love and support him and pray that he comes home to his family safely!

Julie 4 years ago

Amazing how you were able to say exactly what we all feel. Thanks for doing this. I love my LEO

Courtney 4 years ago

Thank you, SO much for writing and sharing this. Beautifully written and couldn't agree more!

Ashley 4 years ago

I think this is an amazing article. It bring knowledge to people who might not know exactly what it is like for the families of a police officers. It is well written & heart touching.

tiffany 4 years ago

Amen! As the grand daughter of a former Sheriff and wife of a deputy, I thank you for summing up my existence. God bless.

Maria 4 years ago

This brought Tears and a A smile to my face and warmth in my heart. I LOVE LOVE LOVE My LEO and can say nothing more than that because He is the Love of my Life and I could never be more proud of him and thankful for him..Thank You for this!

Carrie 4 years ago

All so incredibly true!!!! Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one in the world that lives this crazy life... nice reassurance that I'm not :)

Jennifer 4 years ago

Beautiful. It reminded me of the time my husband came home after being one of the first on the scene of a workplace shooting. He talked nonstop for about 45 minutes because he just needed to 'get it out'. I don't think he will ever forget the victims cell phones ringing and him saying to himself that their poor families didn't know yet their loved ones had perished. Not everyone can understand that feeling. Thank you for posting this.

Lynn James 4 years ago

There's a great deal of truth to this article. But, I am anable to protest since I was an officer before my husband was so I understand the necessary mentality maybe a bit more than most spouses. The pay is lousy, the benefits stink, the hours could'nt be wourse, I urge anyone considering the shield if there is anything that they can imagine doing with their life other than law enforcment, see that path, This life is for the chosen few, the brotherhood.

Jennifer 4 years ago

It's so nice to see someone so obviously proud of their spouse. Your husband sounds like the cream of the crop. Two of my family members are married to LEO's and unfortunately they don't measure up to your husband. One has been hoping for worker's comp since he started on the job and finally got it with a faked injury and the other is all about his guns and doesn't care much for people. Continue to reasure what you have! Though my spouse is not a police officer, he has all the same traits as your husband and I'm just as proud of him and happy to sing his praises to anyone who will listen. I think that no matter what profession your husband had, you would treasure and love him as you do. The profession is great, but it's his core as a person that makes him who he is.

John WPD#523 4 years ago

This is an amazing article. For me unfortunately after 14 yrs of service and being married to an ER nurse I ended up divorced. She could no longer take my dedication to the job and my added duties of running our police explorer program. It took her 14 yrs and our having 3 children to decide she could no longer deal with this type of life.

I am now dating an amazing woman who works in my dept and knows how this life is. She completely understands and accepts how life is being my significant other. I plan to make her my wife when the time is right.

melissa 4 years ago

I agree with everything you have written. I would like to add that the troops, who have my respect and gratitude, go through some of the same things that we, as the wives and families of police. However, unlike the police, the troops have financial support programs for the families, hospitals designated for them only, and parades when they come home. My husband has had to sit in the ER, injured on duty, with drug addicts he has arrested. He, and everyone he works with have had to explain and defend EVERY action that they take to keep themselves and the community safe. If someone is stupid enough to point a gun at an officer, and refuses to drop it when the officer says to, I have no problem with the officers defending themselves. Soldiers do not have to explain self defense, it is expected. I appreciate the fact that you wrote this article.

Earl 4 years ago

My reason for reading this article is very different than that of those who have already commented. I am currently dating an amazing man who is a LEO. Up until now I have tried hard not to think of what this roll would be like should things progress. Mainly because being in the dating stage is so far from being his wife. But the truth is that all the wives who have commented on here were once in my shoes. Each of these marriages began exactly at the point I am at and thus I have realized that I need to consider every aspect of a future with this man before continuing to pursue our potential.

Reading this article and feeling, through your writing, the passion and love you have for your husband and his work is inspirational. An article that I thought would scare me and cause me to hesitate has in turn given me peace of mind and hope that no matter the dangers, the obstacles or the intensity of his profession that the love two people hold can and will not only carry them through but be worth it. I can only wish for this to turn into that kind of love and that I will one day feel the appreciation and honor that you do for your husband.

In the interim I cannot yet say that I will embrace it as gracefully as you have. Nor that I will be welcoming of every challenge that arises. But I can however assure that you have set an exceptional example and therefore I am not quite willing to walk away… at least not because of his choice of profession.

Thank you for your words and your husband for the man he is, in and out of your home.

MelindaP 4 years ago

I saw this article on a facebook page of a friend. Just absolutely amazing. Married to my high school sweetheart who became a cop, got the call the week after the birth of our first son to move up to the detective bureau. I had to put my job as an RN on the back burner to have me home with our two young sons. They are now 3+5 and look up to their daddy who is keeping everyone safe while they sleep! Your article put a lump in my throat and made me want to strive to be more patient w. my LEO. Thank you so much

Earl 4 years ago

My reason for reading this article is very different than thatof those who have already commented. I am currently dating an amazing man whois a LEO. Up until now I have tried hard not to think of what this roll wouldbe like should things progress. Mainly because being in the dating stage is sofar from being his wife. But the truth is that all the wives who have commentedon here were once in my shoes. Each of these marriages began exactly at thepoint I am at and thus I have realized that I need to consider every aspect ofa future with this man before continuing to pursue our potential.

Reading this article and feeling, through your writing, thepassion and love you have for your husband and his work is inspirational. Anarticle that I thought would scare me and cause me to hesitate has in turn givenme peace of mind and hope that no matter the dangers, the obstacles or the intensityof his profession that the love two people hold can and will not only carry themthrough but be worth it. I can only wish for this to turn into that kind oflove and that I will one day feel the appreciation and honor that you do foryour husband.

In the interim I cannot yet say that I will embrace it asgracefully as you have. Nor that I will be welcoming of every challenge thatarises. But I can however assure that you have set an exceptional example andtherefore I am not quite willing to walk away… at least not because of hischoice of profession.

Thank you for your words and your husband for the man he is,in and out of your home.

Ames 4 years ago

As a 'wife of a LEO' and a LEO myself, this is interesting because it applies to us both...He occasionally feels like the 'wife' at home worried about me at work and vice versa. Either way, we both knew what we signed up for and we make it work :)Love my LEO too...

Kathy 4 years ago

Very well written! You don't know what your in for until your there and for the LEO in your life -it's worse for them because they want to be with us and our children and can't........ Thank you for a great article. 30 year LEO wife - and going for many more!!

Christy Reggio 4 years ago

I have been married for 16 yrs, 10 of which have been with my hubby being a police officer. The 1st 6 were in the Marine Corps. Everything you said hit me so hard!! I guess after living with it for so long this is normal for us and I forgot it isn't normal for others.

Even some of my family members don't get it. " like we are at a coffee shop and my husband says to everyone ' okay we really need to get out of here' . My family will get offended as if he's bossing them around. " I'm so used to it I just start packing up kids and myself.

Thank you for this it helped me to remember just how awesome my husband is!!

Many Blessings to you and yours!!

LJ 4 years ago

Thank you for an article that hits so close to home. My husband has been a LEO for 18 years and we have been married for 19. Everything you said is exactly right, even down to the summer lake patrol! Thank you for putting it into words.

Katie 4 years ago

This post impresses me so much. And I read the update and laughed. My husband is a member of the Nat'l Guard and is currently deployed (don't worry, it's a pretty safe and relatively easy deployment). When you mentioned the troops, I was thinking how I could never handle what a LEO wife handles. There is so much danger in the life of a LEO and while there is also as much danger in war and peaceful missions of our troops, ours is not daily. (Now this is clearly a guard point of view too so there is a difference in the day to day lives out of deployment.) So, thank you for the insight into a LEO family life. Most people don't think about other people's lives much and what it entails to do what they do. This post gives the rest of us a glimpse of that lifestyle and the ability to appreciate it that much more.

Taylor 4 years ago

My husband and I are both LEO's, and I must say it: you hit the nail on the head!

Dawn Marie Wife of a Sargent 4 years ago

That was so well written and so true.

I'm a LEO wife and so very proud to be!

Thank YOu for writting this

MLH 4 years ago

I could not stop the tears from rolling down reading your article. How beautifully written. Being a wife of a Deputy and SWAT officer I could completely relate to so many points. 20 years on the job, 16 years married, 3 children. I am so VERY PROUD of my LEO! The Lord has blessed his career and our marriage. I will continue to pray for all men and women in this career field.

SPA 4 years ago

Thank you so much for sharing! My father has been a police officer for over 30 years and my brother followed his footsteps. Everything you wrote described my family to a tee. People don't understand what we go through and you wrote it out beautifully. I've shared this article with all my family and friends!

smm1235 4 years ago

Made me cry! I love my LEO in these same exact ways and wouldn't change it for the world!

Wil Cope 4 years ago

Melissa, I am a Police Officer in GA and I just wanted to say thank you for all of your support to your husband and to all the other LEOs in this country. I am glad to see that there are still people in this crazy world who understand US. I am engaged and she is learning Thanks again

jenn 4 years ago

Truly amazing!every bit hits home to us all

Wade 4 years ago

OUTSTANDING. This describes my awesome wife and all she puts up with. I am a State Trooper and NEVER take her for granted. Married 17 years and almost all of it as a POW. I do backgrounds on new hires. I always stress to wifes of canidates that it takes two to be a Cop. I have even given them my wifes # to call. She is great at putting them at ease. She says doing a ride along really helped. Seeing how we stress Officer safety and that we really do know what we are doing and its not like they show on TV. Thanks again for being there for your LEO and others. I will be sharing this awesome article with spouses of new hires in our next process.

Shanna 4 years ago

Great article! I couldn't agree more. But you forgot one they have to drive ALL the time! My husband even needs to drive 'my' car when we are going places.

Michele 4 years ago

Great article! Thank you for writing it!

Renee 4 years ago

This was a great article! Both my father and my husband are Deputy Sheriff's and I can relate to the child and wife portions of your article. I was in search of an article just like this because sometimes I get overwhelmed when my friends who are married to men in the military treat me like I have no idea what they must be going through. I get that every situation is different, but they obviously don't get what I go through either on a daily basis. I wish there was more positive articles like this out there for cops because they are our hometown heroes putting their lives on the line every day for our safety and so many people take that for granted. Thank you!

eddie 4 years ago

Thanks for this article.

Brooke 4 years ago

This article was awesome thanks for writing it! I am a wife of LEO, we have been together 10 years in October. We promised to support each other through everything, he went to the police academy while I was in nursing school so in one year our life compelety changed, at the time I didn't realize how much! We have two wonderful children (3 year old son and 2 month old daughter) so needless to say our children do not know holidays with parents! But we fell we were both called to serve our community in different ways, I think this article is not only helpful for LEO spouse but for their family members who seem to question why we can't make it to family dinners or holiday parties. Thanks again I had tears just running down my cheeks while I read this!!!!

Jackie D 4 years ago

My husband has been a police officer for a little over a year now and I truly felt like I was the only person out there that had so much frustration with him at times ... this article is so beautifully written and everything I feel. This is just extremely comforting ... Thank you! Incredibly beautiful!

Shannon 4 years ago

I am married to a Deputy Sheriff and I too am a Deputy Sheriff. I love my LEO and I love being a LEO. Thanks for what you wrote it was beautifully written and so true. My family makes a lot of sacrifices however they are very supportive of our careers.

Diane 4 years ago

This was an excellent article and as the wife of a LEO and the mother of two Leos I feel that they instill such strong values in their families that the children are so pround that they want to follow them into this honorable profession. Thank you for all of your shared insight.

Alan (Sgt. Retired) 4 years ago

I want to thank my wife Sandy. She was with me when I went to the acasemy and was with me when I retired. Lots of ups and down in between. Now our son is getting himself ready for the academy.

Thank you for being a great LEO wife.

Pam 4 years ago

Thank you for this article, prior to reading this I was feeling so alone. I felt like no one understands. I started dating my boyfriend a week before he started at the Police College and while he is everything I've ever wanted it has been challenging getting used to this lifestyle. We are at the stage where we are getting ready to be engaged and married and start our life together. While some days feel lonely, I know when we are together everything is right. I feel better knowing that I am not alone. Thanks again

LVMPD wife 4 years ago

Your article was touching and had me laughing and on the verge of tears at the same time. Calls from hospitals after an altercation with a felon, shots fired, calls from sergeants, etc. Many others run away from danger, myself included. Police officers run to it to protect others. Everyday, I acknowledge my husband is one of the heroes in this world, and it is comforting to read your article. Few people understand what we go through, and telling the stories to others can sometimes make us look like liars, because events seem unbelievable. Thank you for this, and God bless all those men and women in dangerous jobs protecting all of us everyday!

Martha Z G 4 years ago

Lovely! I am a police officer,s wife! And I've cried thru the entire article, you touched every single point that I've in 17 yrs of marriage crossed,,, some great some not to good but it all comes in the package! Nicely written,,, and love the part where it says, hate cops? Next time you are in trouble call a crackhead ( priceless) i totally agree,,,

Ashley315 4 years ago

My father is a police officer, my mother was a police officer, and my boyfriend is well on his way to being a police officer. I have seen it from both prospectives but reading this article really helped me see what is headed my way. Thanks so much for posting this and for being so honest.

Kristen 4 years ago

Thank you for your article. I just started dating a cop who has been a long time buddy of mine. Hes been on the job a couple of years but we have only starting getting close. I've never even considered dating a law enforcement officer before and I was one of those guilty of negative stereotypes about cops. Thankfully my guy has a lot of self confidence and in the short time we've been dating I can clearly see he's one of the "good guys". It was very informative and even though your article is at times scary I feel its better to be prepared for the challenges ahead if we decide to get serious which is looking likely.

Thanks again for your wise words it helped make things clearer to me. I admire all the LEO wives and significant others for all the sacrifices you make for your LEO, their job, and your communities.

Ann 4 years ago

This is an excellent article..... well written from the heart.

My bf just graduated from the academy and started his duty.

I LOVE MY LEO!! 4 years ago

Just wanted to drop a comment and say I am new to your blog and really like what I am reading. Thanks for the great content. Look forward to coming back for more

Elizabeth 4 years ago

I think this is a hard read. My husband and I have been married a year and a half. He has been a federal officer for 6 months. We do not have kids yet, and we've missed some important moments together like our 1 year wedding anniversary, the purchase of our home, etc.

carrie nichols 4 years ago

Wow...veri well put! Been married to a leo for 20 yrs now,and it does get harder!! He's an undercover narcotics officer and we have beenput through so much of what u wrote about and more!! I can't count the times I have been told to get the kids and get to the car!! Thanks again...supportive wife of 20 yrs and counting(god willing)!! Oh,and I totally understand ur comment on the uniform,a lot of women think of it for all the wrong reasons...but just like our LEO'S, WE HAVE to let a lot of things people who don't understand!! Proud Louisville,Ky.LeoWife

Stacey 4 years ago

I have never dated a police officer before and have been talking to one for the last few weeks and he sent me this article and I just wanted to say thank you it helped me alot to understand what I'm getting into and what to expect. I believe this will help me be a better partner for him. Again thank you

Angela 4 years ago

I found this profoundly depressing. I do not know if I can (or want to) put my own feelings and needs to the side. I do not know if I can paste a smile on my face when I am painfully lonely, when our daughter tells me that she doesn't really need a daddy anymore, when people assume I am a single working mother. Sometimes, it is just too much, and I wish there was more support for that aspect of this life.

blissinprogress profile image

blissinprogress 4 years ago from Edmond, OK Author

There is a world of support for that side that we all experience. Follow the link to my Facebook page The Police Wife Life. Also, Wives Behind the Badge. The National Police Wives Assoc. Police Wives Unite. All excellent places for that very kind of support. You are not alone in this and it doesn't have to be depressing. There's a world out there just like you.

AndreaL 4 years ago

I just reread this blog, I read it 20 months ago and commented then, I now have our 20 year anniversary in two weeks, my oldest graduating HS and my youngest a freshman. I feel very bad for Angela, does your department have a wives group? If not, start one. I started one with a GF almost 9 years ago, we support the Offficers with many things, but more importantly, we take care of each other. Only another Police wife can understand what your life entails. There is strength in numbers. We laugh about the chaos of life, we don't bash the PD or gossip about officers. I love my Wife friends very much, they truly are my best friends. Good luck to you and I hope you find support, this article should have made you laugh, Mel did an amazing job detailing a very normal life for us....

moonlight 4 years ago

Beautiful.. My heart goes out to everyone involved in such a way of life.. It's something I carefully thought of and realized it's just not for me.. I have a new level of respect for the the wives who devote themselves to these men.. Blessings to all...

TXLEOW 4 years ago

I wish this had been available to me when my husband entered the police academy 6 years ago. We had already been together 4 years and married while he was in the academy and I wholeheartedly supported him going in and thought I had up till a few months ago. This spoke volumes to our lives and put into perspective the feelings I have had the past few months as we went through a lot of changes. I can only hope I have gotten over my momentary selflish phase and that I am completely there for him again like I once was. I will be sharing this with other friends and I thank you so so much for your truthful words.

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sjwalsh 4 years ago from Brookline, MA

I am the son of a Firefighter who recently passed away but I can tell you growing up, my mother, sister and I can relate to your story. Thank you for writing and sharing this!

Tracey 4 years ago

This is a great article! It really summarizes my life. After being married for 21 years to a LEO, it doesn't get easier. It really doesn't. Very well written and succinctly "side noted".

Rosemary Cook 4 years ago

When I had a friend read this article to me and informed me about your blog I was breathless! I am glad to not be the only LEO wife to feel this way. You said it to a tee!

SCT9 4 years ago

Thank you for sharing your views in this article. As I've recently started dating an LEO I found the article to very enlightening.

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Tammy Folvarcik 4 years ago

Well written! Being married to the badge is often trying but in the end I understand why it has to be...

Melissa DeGroot 4 years ago

very well written Melissa :) I had no idea about your blog and books until someone invited me to go to one of your speaking engagements. needless to say I am unable to go due o my LEO's work schedule but look forward to buying your book and reading it. I wish you much continued success and as my LEO tells the guys/gals - "keep low and the vest tight". Thank you!

shouston92 4 years ago

I have been married to my LEO for 20 years and I could not have said this better myself! I just found your page on Facebook and eventually ended up here. I never even thought about looking for support for myself, always suppoting my LEO. Thank you so much for reminding me that we are not alone!

RachelC79 3 years ago

Thank you for this article. It is nice to see someone put this into words. It is interesting how others view law enforcement proffessions. I do think some wives do it for the glory of being married to a leo, however if they really thought about it...there is not a lot of glory. It is a thankless profession and being a leo wife is also thankless. I hope that your children end up being well rounded and good...however if you look at the statistics that might not always be the case. For those wives who have hung in there, congratulations. For those wives who haven' is not about being weak, it was not what you signed up for. Also, I am an exwife and now an officer myself. I have been fortunate enough to see it from both sides. If there is any officer out there reading this, support these spouses...they might be all you have someday. Love them and take care of them. And for the spouses, continue to support their crazy dreams. It will be worth it in the end and there will never be regrets.

bizette 3 years ago

Thank you for this. I have been married to my LEO for 23 years in April. We have had good times and bad. Ups and downs but now that we are empty nesters we are closer than ever. He counts the days until he can retire so he can do the things he loves; huntung, fishing, etc. I count the days until I don't have to worry about him so much. I wish I would have stumbled across this page sooner. God Bless all of your LEOs!

aimee 3 years ago

It made me inspire to love more my LEO

Meghan 3 years ago

Love this so much. I love that I have stumbled upon your facebook page and was able to find this. It is exactly how I feel and I love that there are others out there feeling the same way about their LEO. Please keep up the amazing work you do.

Brandi 3 years ago

I am a proud daughter of a LEO and grew up honoring the badge. I remember all the times the phone would ring at odd times when I was growing up, and how I immediately would worry aboout my father. I would just pray that he was OK! Now I am a LEO wife and continue to go through the same emotions as I pray for his safety everyday. I beg him to come home safe from work. I remind him all the time how badly I need him in my life and the children even more so need him in their lives. Being a LEO daughter and wife is a challenging position to say the least! I love and respect them both for doing a job I could not do. This article was very well written. Thank you for sharing it.

Sean 3 years ago

When my wife left me and I found your site I knew that you were sincere and I felt from the beginning that you would help me. I made a terrible mistake and cheated on her. When she found out she filed for divorce and refused to even talk to me. About 3 days after you cast my spell she began talking to me and over a short period of time she began to forgive me. Everything happened just as you said it would and now we are back together and closer than ever before. Thank you for getting Wendy to forgive me for the terrible thing I had done.

philmikki 3 years ago

I am a 6' 4" 280# Police Officer and I cried when I read this. Reminds me so much of my wife. I am creating a powerpoint presentation on the topic of Recognizing the Sacrifices of the LEO Spouse and I came across this. I am using the hyperlink for my class.

Cate 3 years ago

I've been in love with this guy for 3 years, we've been together, and it's always been his dream to be a police officer; well, now he's going through the tests to get to the academy for state trooper, and, we feel that someday we might be married, and... It's starting to scare the hell out of me. I've always supported his desire to do this job, but now that it's getting closer, and we seem to be planning our future more and more everyday, I'm becoming very stressed about what his career might mean, in terms of romance, time, and children and I got some great insight. So never mind what the negative comments said about this article. I came out looking for something like this, and it was the first one I clicked on and I really appreciate you giving the cold hard truth. Thank you.

Steve 3 years ago

Wow, i love how you captured the essence of the life of a wife or a LEO and a LEO themselves. I am currently in the process of being hired on with a local agency, which is the reason why i was looking all over the internet for information regarding how it affects families. I base all my decisions on how it would affect my family as a unit and how it would affect each individual within that unit. I love to provide for my family, i love to protect them, I love the benefits of being a LEO, i love the concept, but I dont love the fact that I have to be away from my family. It broke my hear to hear my lil ones tell me that they did not want me to die. I am always with them, we do everything together, minus my BJJ and Crossfit training (which i do at home), i get to see them run around and laugh and enjoy or life together. I am truly torn at this point on what to do, i dont mind the fact that it will take its toll on me, which i am fully aware of, but i dont like the fact that it might affect my kids and my wife. I love them all dearly and I was happy to see this post, it made things clear, it was nice to see a post with true and utter honesty. I am thankful that I found this and that you posted, well said. Thank you

Steve 3 years ago

Sorry if my post was a bit choppy as far as coherence, but I am at work so I was a bit distracted.

Joselyn 3 years ago

I met my husband when we were in college. He started the academy after we had been together a year. We got engaged when he graduated patrol school and began patrolling. I've been there from the beginning and I knew what I was getting into. Like everyone has said, it is frustrating but its their call and its our call to be by their sides and support them. Thank you for writing this and giving a voice and some light to what LEOs do. I love this article so much I had to share the link on Facebook and go like your page.

Brianne 3 years ago

I am the girlfriend of a man who is graduating the police academy in a little over a month. this was such a great read and I thank you for giving me your perspective. you made me laugh and cry.

joey 3 years ago

Thank you so much for your words! I've been with my fiancee who is a LEO here in Europe for 2 years now and we will get married in September. I know it will not be an easy life at his side, since the time we've moved together there have been many many lonely evenings, cold dinners and fears... The fact that I work as a medical doctor doesn't make it easier at all, because both of us work many hours and have long shifts.. Knowing that I am not alone with my hopes, prayers and fears, that there are cop's wives all over the world who feel the same is a great support.

Thank you for sharing it!

Nancy Roberts 3 years ago

Thanks so much. I am the mother of a police officer..Swat man. And my daughter n law is amazing the way she handles this.

LEO Girlfriend 3 years ago


I thank you for putting everything into perspective as I sit here after having an argument (over something so ridiculous) with my boyfriend before he left for work. This instantly caused me to send him a message apologizing and reminding him that I love him.

He works in a horrible area and I have such a bad habit of forgetting the fact that there is a chance I may not see him tomorrow each time he leaves for work. I am human, but this is one of my greatest faults and something I am going to continue to be mindful of.

I began dating him two years ago--about 3 months after he became a LEO. I certainly did not know what I was getting myself into. After reading your article, my eyes have been peeled WIDE open! I have struggled with and resented many of the things that come along with his job, and was channeling it all in THE WRONG ways (starting arguments before a shift, getting frustrated with him over my having to sleep alone every night, not spending enough time with him, missed holidays, etc.) I sound like a complete spoiled snot who wants their man all to themselves--well who doesn't want that anyway..ha ha. I realize that I have a lot of work to do in this department and am willing to do so.

I want to thank you for putting it all into perspective and giving me a realistic view of what's to come if it has not happened already. I am with a wonderful man whom I would love to spend the rest of my life with; I realize that I have some (lots of) work to do in regards to accepting the profession he has chosen. I admire how you have been able to develop the will power to be a supportive, understanding POW and will be using you as a role model for my relationship moving forward :) thank you. Please continue to post your words of wisdom and encouragement--they are much needed by many of us!

Jessica 3 years ago

This article brought me to tears. My boyfriend has been talking about becoming a police officer for a while now and I can only seem to focus on the negatives-- The chances that something could happen to him and that our marriage, if and when that happens, might fall. But you've made me see that there's positives too. I will support him in whatever choice he makes, if being an officer is what he truly wants to do because I love him more than anything else. But I know I will be the wife who hopes and prays every day that her husband comes home without a scratch. But I think I can do my best to be the best wife to him while he's doing the community good. That's all I can really promise, right?

Anyway I just wanted to thank you for writing this article. It made me see that it's not all bad being the wife of an officer. Thank you.

Denisedillon 3 years ago

This piece is AMAZING. So true and exactly how life is with a LEO. I am so glad you wrote it, it gave me goose bumps :) Thank you.

Dee 3 years ago

My husband is taking his written exam in 2 weeks. I'm terrified of being married to a LEO..but this is something he has always wanted to do so I am supportive...but yes, so scared.

Rachel 3 years ago

I am currently dating a Detective. It is all the same. I moved in with him because of his crazy hours. If I would not have, I would probably still be sitting there waiting for a date. I knew what I was getting into when I met him. I told him I am always going to be there for him. He really needed that support. I may not be married to him yet, but most of this story is us exactly. I had him read it so we both have the same understanding. As we do not have children in common, most of the time I spend the day or night eating alone. He was expected to get off at 5pm. He told me things are crazy and getting worst around there. He said I may not expect him until late tonight. I will probably be in bed already when he gets home. I work a regular job with set hours. I just have to take it like it is and grin and bare it. do to the fact I work theses set hours, I find that when he works evenings that we do not see each other at all that week. I just treasure the time we do spend together.

Brittany 2 years ago

I very much appreciated reading this article. I am a wife to a rookie cop and I am having a very hard time adjusting to the lifestyle. My biggest worries were the late night hours, raising our 8 month old daughter mostly by myself with the help of my family since we are living with them to save money and the dangers of stepping out into the streets daily. I was never one of those high maintenance chicks who needed attention all the time but when my husband entered police academy I felt left in the dust, alone and distant. Reading this article I realized that this job requires more support than I knew. Selfishness needs to be forgotten and I am basically building a new life around my husbands career. The saying "you are not only marrying the man but his job aswell" finally became real after reading this. We all make sacrifices but in the end we all need to look at the bigger picture. As much as I love the small things a relationship brings, I would give them all up just to have my husband come home to his family safe every night. Thank you for putting my mind and heart at ease and for allowing me to widen my perspective on how to adapt to the LEO lifestyle.

One Love

Diamond 2 years ago

I am so honored to be a LEO wife! My husband and I had been married for five years before he made the ultimate life change career decision. I have been supporting his decision every single step of the way. I have birth to our second daughter while he was away at the academy. Looking back now...I wouldn't have it any other way. It's a daily struggle to find our alone time with now three beautiful daughters. But we too like so many other family's make this life work for us. I am so glad I am not alone with these feeling so greatly expressed in this article. Thank you!

Nyckey-Oklahoma 2 years ago

Thank you for writing this. It's so helpful to know there are others out there in my shoes. It's so hard being a Leo wife. 6.5 years and going strong. Thanks to you I will learn to be an even better wife. :). I now have more hope than ever before.

Betsy 2 years ago

As a police officer's mother, I appreciate your article very much, and the in-depth look at what your, and your family's life, is like. It seems too little to say thank you, and too much to be able to express my gratitude for you, your husband and family, my son, his wife, their new baby and the brotherhood of police officers and police families all over the world. Thank you and bless all of you.

Lisa Taylor 2 years ago

You did an excellent job writing this article. I could relate to every sentence. It isn't easy being a LEO wife, but I wouldn't trade it for the world, because I know he loves his job. Being his support on good days and bad, is my job! Again, thanks for sharing!

Jill 2 years ago

My local police department posted a link to this article today and I'm very glad I was able to read it. My husband recently finished police academy and is in the process of filling out dozens of personal history statements, taking tests, going through oral boards, etc. While he's in the Army Reserve and we've been through a deployment (returned just over a year ago), I wasn't sure what to expect with him being a police officer. I want to thank you for writing this, it's given me a much better understanding of what my life will (hopefully) be like very soon.

Mr. Michael 2 years ago

I enjoyed reading your article. It was very well written. Pretty awesome spouse perspective.

That being said (and yes some of you may laugh), My wife is a "LEO". The biggest thing that I had to laugh about in this article was the "hours". Of course that's because I'm a nurse (here's your chance for laughing)! I work the same hours (sort of). Her's are 6-6 (rotating AM and PM, which honestly has got to SUCK!!!! big time), while I work 7pm-7am (finally done with school for a little while, because I honestly haven't taken a real day off except for in between semesters finishing my BS). Are you are so right about Holidays and weekends (I've been on weekend-only-worker contract for the last year and a half. GREAT for the routine schedule. SUCKS for working when everyone else is off, but works for school.), so I am totally there with you.

Hollie 2 years ago

You have truly put into words what it feels like to be a Police Officers wife!

Evenlexy 2 years ago

Thank you so much for this article. It really shed some light as to what is going on. I recently starting dating a NYC police officer and it has been so hard. At times I want to walk away but he is so amazing, literally everything I want in a mate. At least this give me an insider's view as to what to expect life to be like. ..

Lacey 2 years ago

When I met my fiance 2 and a half years ago he was a foundry worker in a dead end job that he hated. He told me shortly after we started dating that he had always wanted to be an officer. His father died when he was 14 and had had his run ins with the police his fair share of times. His reason for wanting to be one of these men was because every time they arrested his dad or showed up at the house for whatever reason, they always treated him as a young boy with respect and never handcuffed his dad in front of him. The day his father drowned in the Missouri River, the officers and deputies that ran the search and responded to the scene made him feel safe, even though he knew his father wasn't coming home and he was now the man of the house he never faltered. So after telling me he wanted to be a police officer, we talked about it, the benefits, the hardships, the good and the bad. Having previously been married to a Marine (although never deployed) I understood the complications that came with your husband being a servant to his country and community. We mutually decided that he should go the academy and see where it took him. He asked if I was okay with this. I told him "Andrew, I love you and I am always going to stand behind you. You are my lover and my best friend and I would never stand in the way of you following your dreams. I truly believe that you are meant to be an officer of the law and that you will one day accomplish that dream." To some men being an officer is only a job but to him it is a lifestyle. One that we have chosen to live through together. It took nearly a year after graduating and being flat broke living with my parents and finding out we were pregnant, again, for him to finally get on with a department. He loves his job. He lives and breathes his job. And every night when he walks through the door I breathe a sigh of relief. This morning he told me how much he appreciates everything I do for him. I don't do anything different than an ordinary house wife would do for her husband, except our evening coffee is at midnight, and his dinner has to be microwaved. Our kids are in bed when he comes home and the one hour he gets with them in the morning really saddens him, he is the definition of strength. He has seen struggle, death, poverty, selfishness, stupidity, anger, and assault but he still loves the Lord and his family. I love my LEO.

Crystal 2 years ago

My boyfriend is a LEO. We've been together almost 5 years. I loved your article because it is so true. We don't have children, but one day plan to. It's hard when he gets called out to serve a warrant or heading to a domestic, but I pray for his safe return and anxiously wait for him to call or text me when he finishes a dangerous situation. Everyone on his team has my phone number and know to call me no matter how complicated the matter is if he's ever hurt. It is truly a life that isn't made for everyone, but I could never ask him to give up what he loves. I patiently wait for phone calls, handle the extra duty, the overtime, and understand that we don't get to share every holiday. His job isn't easy, so I stand by him so that he knows he has support. Thank you for your article. It speaks volumes for what they go through as well as us.

Kora 2 years ago

Wow! Reading this was like reading my thoughts. Tonight was a rough night. I was feeling the toll this life can take on a LEO wife and then I stumbled across this. It was exactly what I needed to hear.

"Stay Safe and Come Home."

Silver Lining 2 years ago

Thank you so much for this post. I will be marrying my fiancé in a few months and I have to say that I have read this article several times. Usually when I feel like no one understands the loneliness, strength and flexibility that I feel a police wife experiences. I love my officer. He has the biggest heart and is great at what he does but I sometimes feel like its just the two of us. We have many people in our life, but very very very few that understand what a police family is. I wish people could understand the sacrifices we make. I'm sick of people thinking we are always together because they forget that we have long stretches without seeing each other. I can't wait to marry him and start our own life. I wish for more support but have realized that whether or not others support us we'll always support each other and make it work. It's not always easy but I wouldn't change it for the world.

tiffany 2 years ago

amazing article. you said everything that I have been feeling. thank you for this!

The Mean Mama 2 years ago

Heads up, there is blood on my shirt, but don't worry, it's not mine... Heard that before.

Erika 2 years ago

Thank you so much for this!! I have been married to my LEO for two years now, and you have brought so much to me that I have been struggling with as being a LEO wife. The light bulb has been turned on now and I thank you so much for this!! I LOVE my LEO and have always respected him, but now thanks to you I love an respect him even more!!

Heather 2 years ago

Very well written!!!!!

Mandy 2 years ago

I had tears in my eyes as I read this. Thanks for writing this.

- Wife of a Police Officer

Scarlett 2 years ago

I knew exactly what you meant . I've lived the life growing up as a child, as a wife, a sister and now mother to three. I m still married to RLEO . My parents are still together and so is my brother and his wife . Our boys have cell phone and now 12 hour shifts so they have more time with family and more communication . There s hope and now cell phones ! I'll pray for yours if you pray for mine !

Ellen McFarlane 2 years ago

This was very helpful for me since my fiancee wants to go to the police academy after he graduates from college. I'm really worried and scared but it was very insightful to read this. Thanks.

Nessa 2 years ago

I can completely relate to this . I have been married to my LEO for almost 10 years.We have 2 small children and he was just promoted to detective . I will be honest it is awhole other ball game now that he is a detective . But I can happily say it doesn't strain our marriage . Some days are hard but as a LEO wife you learn to adapt and just go with it .He Is very passionate about his job and I would never hold that against him .

In love with an LEO ❤❤❤❤

Leah Mc 2 years ago

This was great. This is my life now for twenty plus years. I have said many times "that's the live of a police family". My LEO is my hero, best friend and love of my life. My super hero doesn't wear a cape. He wears Kevlar.

laura 2 years ago

You took the words outta my heart, couldn't say them better myself. I esp like the way you added how our LEO doesn't speak of what he has seen and how he prays its never his family. How we pray there's never a knock on our door in the middle of the night. Its embedded in my head "don't speed, watch your surroundings, don't let anyone in your personal space...etc" Thank you!!

Taylor 2 years ago

I have tears, this is absolute perfection. I sent this to my family and they said, and I quote "I have a new found perspective of yours and his relationship." and I cant thank YOU enough. I wish I could give you a big hug! September will be one year he's been a LEO and boy has it been a ride! I will forever save this and read it when times get tough. God Bless you, your family and especially that LEO of yours :)

Taresa-Kernersville NC 23 months ago

I've been married to a police officer for 20 years and have been with him for 23. I have found that being a child of a LEO has helped me in so many ways in understanding what my husbands job is all about and what it in tales. I also try to ride along with my husband to remind myself what the job is like for him, what he has to deal with on a daily basis, the people he encounters, the disrespect he faces regularly, and the danger he elects to put himself into for other peoples problems and safety. Not including the wear it puts on his mind and body working all night and the daily threats on his life and to his family lives he receives when he arrests someone who clearly deserves it. My husband is a very loyal and fair LEO and wears his badge with bride, which he should! Our children were raised in a home where they learned the value of the risk that these men and women put themselves into whenever they start a shift. And were taught, if your friend has a problem with your dad's job then are they really the type of person you should be hanging around with? It's his job just like their dad has a job, except theirs are risking their lives so their dad can sleep easy at night. Yes, we have had the phone call where my husband was injured, which no wife or husband wants to receive. You worry every time they walk out the door for their shift if that's the day or night the police Chaplin will be ringing your door bell. It can be a scary hectic life at times, but the honor I feel to be married to such an amazing man, that chose a position in Law Enforcement to protect and serve total strangers shows the type of character he has and what he is made of . I feel truly blessed.

Jami 23 months ago

My boyfriend is a LEO and he found this story before I did. The other day he took my phone from me and went straight to google to pull this story up. We have been together for almost 5 months, very serious. He is in the middle of the hiring process right now. He said 'Here, read this, it's so true and I want you to know what you're getting yourself into.' I told him I would read it but it's not going to scare me out of being with him through his dreams if that's what he's worried about. I did read this and it does seem scary at times but I'm here to support him and he is here to support me, we aren't here to run away when things scare us. I'm preparing myself for this journey and when it gets hard at times, I will turn to your story for assurance that he is still by my side, he just has work to do.

Abigail 22 months ago

This is exactly what I needed to read tonight as I wait for my boyfriend at home. He is out there doing what he loves and that is all I could ask for. Thank you for writing this and giving me something that I can relate so much to. Blessings to you and your LEO

Laney Smith - Author 22 months ago

I've been around law enforcement my entire life. They are the good guys! They go through so much that most people never consider. My uncle was a Sheriff in Texas and my step dad was a Sheriff's Deputy in Colorado. I wrote a series about Sheriff Derrick Decker. I still believe they're the good guys! Out of all of them that I've known, it was really rare that a "bad" one came along. I wish people could quit making them the enemy! The part about the holidays really touched me. We were either up doing Christmas before my step dad went to work, or we had to wait until he got off work. There's a lot people don't consider when they pick up their phone and dial 911. There's a lot they don't consider when they turn around and trash them for how they handled the situation the next day. These guys are lucky to have your love! Hugs!

Rhonda 22 months ago

Melissa thank you for sharing this. I am a sister and daughter of 4 LEO's. I really don't think people understand the stress and loneliness of of the LEO's wife. My mom and only 1 sister-in-law have been able to endure the test of time. These are some tough times we are living in right now. I applaud you for sharing your thoughts and a window into your life so that many others wont feel alone. God bless you and may He also keep all of our LEO's safe. Much love.

Trish M. 22 months ago

I am going back into a relationship with my Leo after a almost 2 year stop (1 year practically he spent undercover). I thought I was ready and could embrace the ride a second time. I remember reading this article when we first fell in love thinking, how amazing it was and just how much I wanted to have the honor of loving such a man. Today, I am scared out of my mind. I'm always thinking he will be called to leave again suddenly and it haunts me. Our lives are spent mostly apart and I want so badly to find that strength I once had to love him, be patient with him and make us work.

What I find challenging is living my own life and that's because I'm such a homebody. I give myself too much time to think about him and it makes me miss him crazy. I don't want to sit around like this. I'd love to know how you manage through those in between times if you don't mind sharing, thanks. Happy New Year's everyone.

Clare Craig 20 months ago

So very true. Sometimes I feel like I need a support group outside my home & knowing there are many women who face the same struggles as I do gives me hope. I love my husband & his job & wouldn't change it for the world. Sleepless nights is just part of it. Thanks for sharing. Such truth in your words!

Jerry D. Porter 18 months ago

As a former FireFighter whose son chose to be a LEO, I completely understand... And believe me, I truly cherish my sons wife, and the sacrifices she makes daily, and the lengths she goes to to raise my grandkids.... And my prayers are with ALL of you, public servants and their families who " Live the life, while they're on the job". It takes a special person to be THAT, and I commend you.

17 months ago

Thank you for posting this. I've just starting seeing a LEO and I understand a bit more thanks to you.

Peggy Anderson 13 months ago

My husband has been an LEO for 25 years. I back him 100%. I do agree there are a lot of things we do not understand , what they go through on a day to day basis, My husband has his phone on 24/7. Just in case he is needed. I hardly ever see him, he tries to get a meal break, and sometimes it may only be 10 minutes, because he gets a call. You have to be a very strong woman, and have to be able to accept the fact you will be alone a lot. This was a great read!!!

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