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The Police Wife Life: Selfish Is Not an Option

We've all heard the phrase, "There's something about a man in uniform." For those who have done nothing more than enjoy the view, there is a lot more to consider before making a decision to be a part of all the uniform entails. Being the wife of a police officer is not for the weak, self-centered, needy, clingy, insecure, or high maintenance type of woman.

I remember him calling me for the first time on his lunch break from his patrol car. Within 10 minutes it became very clear that if a relationship with a police officer was anything like trying to carry on a simple phone conversation with a police officer, "challenging" was going to be an understatement. Between the radio squawking in the background, the interruptions of other officers talking back and forth, his attention being distracted by passing traffic, and the mid-sentence "I have to call you back" (which happened at least five times during that first 30-minute conversation), I knew I was in store for something on a whole other level.


The Good and Bad

Being a police wife or LEO (Law Enforcement Officer) wife as we are known, is quite the interesting life. Police marriages fall victim to an extremely high divorce rate, and there is a good reason for that. Let me start off by saying, just as in all professions, there is good and bad in everything somewhere down the line.

It is true that there are good cops who honor the badge and bad cops who don't. Those who uphold their duty as officers, and honor the badge, far outweigh those who do not. And those who do not should be held accountable for abusing their power, stripped of it, and punished accordingly. Just as in all professions, the good cops will tell you they have no appreciation or tolerance for those who misuse their power and in turn, contribute to the negative image many have of the police. It is difficult sometimes even talking to family or close friends about a life in law enforcement due to so many misconceptions about the true character of the majority of officers. Many times you are immediately brushed off by those who really aren't interested in hearing about it, because being married to a cop, people either love you or hate you.

The fact remains, whether you love cops or hate cops, everyone dials 911 when they have an emergency, and if you are one who considers the police an enemy, you are still the first to expect them to be there to assist you. Regardless of your opinion of them, they will still be there in your time of need. As the saying goes: "Hate cops? The next time you're in trouble, call a crackhead." Let me know how that works out. That being said, I, like so many other LEO wives, am married to a good cop. This is our story.

Life as a LEO Wife

The abnormalities of a LEO wife's day begin with the shift. We do not base our days on normal hours—our days coordinate with whatever shift our LEO is working. There is no such thing as a standard eight hour day in the life of a LEO, or a LEO wife. In an average week you will have several days where the end of his shift comes many hours after it ended. A simple traffic stop turns into a drug bust. Another officer calls for backup. There is a multiple vehicle collision, and they need more officers.

A LEO wife learns to cook dinner for her family and keep a plate warm in the oven. In a LEO household dinner can be midnight or later, breakfast is at lunchtime, and lunchtime can be as late as 9:00 p.m. There are many times I will try and meet my husband somewhere for "lunch" only to be left waiting because a call came in while he was in route to eat, or I will end up going home without ever seeing him at all. The times he will plan to come in for dinner are often thwarted for the same reasons. All that effort you put in marinating that steak, or fixing his favorite dessert, will (most times) go unnoticed.

You will put your children to bed alone most nights while explaining that Daddy loves them. He's just out making sure we're all safe. You will sleep with one eye open, both ears focused on the sound of the garage door, and your cell phone on your pillow. Your children will learn to recognize the sound of the garage door opening at a very early age, and they too will sleep a little better after Daddy comes in and kisses their little cheeks.

Navigating Holidays

Holidays, special occasions, anniversaries, and birthdays are just days you must be prepared to work around. My LEO works lake patrol in the summer months. For us, there is no such thing as the Fourth of July, Memorial Day, or Labor Day. We will never be available for the family reunion or summer picnic on any of those three day weekends. If you want to take your children to see fireworks, be prepared to go alone because not only does he work all weekend: he is working mandatory overtime, 12-16 hour shifts. If he does have seniority, and he can actually get the holiday off, chances are he will sign up to work overtime, trying to get ahead just a little bit. After all, one may think you would get a little more money in the bank by walking around with a bull's eye on your back for a living, but for some reason, all that public service comes at one heck of a bargain.

Date Nights and Romance

Trying to have a date night is always interesting. You will wait longer to get a table where he can face the door. You will watch him scope out the lobby on the way in for anyone he has previously arrested, and you will not get through the meal without another officer calling his cell. You will be grateful if you can keep him awake after you get home, as chances are, you squeezed in date night after a shift anyway, and you will learn to not take it personally when even at your best, you cannot compete with his exhaustion.

Danger Around the Corner

Grocery shopping or trips to crowded locations can become a game of "I spy a felon." You quickly learn the "aisle over" strategy. When your LEO suddenly announces, "Don't turn around" or "We need to get out of this aisle now," or "Wait, wait, wait. OK. Go, go, go," your instincts may be to want to know who we are avoiding and what the story is behind it, but you will learn quickly to follow instructions and ask when you get to the car.

You will also get the "walk away" lesson. If you are ever with your LEO in public, especially with your children, and you are told to "Take the kids and go" or "Walk the other way now," you will learn to shake off the instinct to remain by his side, and without question, you will do as you are told. This is not a control issue by any means, and you will learn to recognize there is a very big difference between your husband being controlling by ordering you around and your LEO husband recognizing a situation in which he needs to protect you from those that recognize and hate him—and those he does not ever want to recognize you as his wife when he is not with you.

You will also learn to laugh at things you never imagined, such as the phrases only a LEO family could consider normal:

"Honey, another hooker peed in my car. I have to go by the city garage and hose out the back before I come home."

"Honey, I've got 10 lbs of pot to inventory. I'm going to be late. Oh, and head's up. There's blood all over my shirt."

"Honey, there are a bunch of cows in the road by the tracks. I've got to run some traffic control before I can get home."

"Honey, some idiot is naked at the snow cone hut. Hey, did you know they have coconut now?"

Fighting for Time

You will learn that even when you are having a really bad day and you just need his shoulder to lean on or his ear to bend, you may have to wait. And when you do have the chance to vent, be prepared to be hung up on, interrupted or only partially paid attention to, or heard over the noise of the radio, which never stops and is always heard first. When you accept that your needs will have to wait until the end of the shift, be prepared to have him snoring almost instantly as you begin to finally vent.

You will find a way to tune out those "breaking news" alerts on the local news when he is on duty. Whereas, in the beginning, you would instantly call his cell to make sure he's alright, over time you learned that he won't answer if he's in the middle of something and calling only to get no answer will really leave you worried that he's hurt or in trouble. You will learn to remember that he is also fully aware he is on the nightly news and will call you as soon as he can.

You will learn not to ask how his day was. He will share what he needs to, bottle up what he has to, and act like everything is fine when it isn't. You will know when it was a bad day without asking and you will be there if he chooses to share, but you will learn that not sharing does not mean not caring. It just means reliving it is not appealing before dinner, and some of the horrific images embedded in his mind he would love to find a way to forget.

Life on Duty

You will learn that a Police Officer lives his life on duty. There is never a time he does not feel compelled to be alert and, as the saying goes, "prepared for anything, anytime, anywhere." You will learn not to be annoyed at his repeated instructions to "Be aware of your surroundings," "Watch your speed," "Park close to an exit," and "Never let the gas light come on in your car." Although there are times you want to scream, "I am not a teenager. I get it!" you will learn that it is just the way he is wired as he sees so much that he never wants to happen to you and your children.

Being the wife of a Police Officer means you must be as dedicated to his love of the job as he is. The first step toward that is realizing it is not a job to him. It is who he his. There is a reason Police Officers choose a profession with low pay, horrible hours, immense stress, non-existent holidays, and a huge potential for danger. It is because they are called to duty. They are compelled by a desire to help those in need, to make a difference: to protect and serve. Being the wife of a LEO means having a mutual respect and understanding of that fact and being willing to make the continual compromises and sacrifices to enable your LEO to be able to head off into the night in the best frame of mind he can possibly have.

They Come First

Being a LEO wife means putting your husband first, not out of a sense of duty or out of submission or control, but out of love and respect for all he faces each time he walks out the door. You will learn to understand that being frustrated is normal, but being resentful and angry is not an option. Things that are a huge deal to most wives such as holiday traditions, the perfect birthday party, the family photoshoot scheduled for weeks, a date night you spent a month looking forward to, the biggest football game of your son's high school senior year, your baby's first ballet recital—To a LEO wife, all of those things are considered something else she may end up dealing with alone.

Frustrating? Absolutely. Disappointing? Always. Worth sending your LEO out into danger knowing you are furious with him? Never. A LEO wife will learn to hold her tongue, tell him she loves him, kiss him goodbye, and say a prayer that he comes home so she can yell at him later. We are human. Ee still want what we want, but we learn to see the bigger picture.

The Kids

My three-year-old son loves his Daddy. You will find more "PoPo" cars in the toy chest than any other toy. He idolizes his father and, even at only three years of age, he understands there is something about what Daddy does that makes it a big deal. When Daddy leaves for a shift my son must go to the driveway and wave good-bye as Daddy turns on his lights and pulls away. It is a ritual that our son came up with all on his own. My son can also instantly recognize the sound of the garage door and knows the difference between the sound of Daddy's engine and that of his teenage sisters. He will stop anything he is doing and run for the door when he knows Daddy is home. Nights that we spend alone we pray together that Daddy will help keep everyone safe and that he will come home soon. My son always asks me to "promise" that Daddy will come see him when he gets home if he is asleep. They say children can sense things and I absolutely believe he understands there is a reason it is a big deal when Daddy leaves and an even bigger deal when he returns.

Selfishness Isn't an Option

There are many many times I wish for a moment of selfish indulgence. Although, I cannot remember the last time I wished for something just for me. Instead, I wish for "us." I wish for no radios, pagers, or on-call weekends. I wish for alone time, and snuggle time, and quiet moments of peace. I wish for certainty of safety and a guarantee of growing old together. I understand no one has that guarantee and most couples with children and careers and busy lives wish for the same things, but for me it seems so constantly unattainable.

Oddly, you would think that the longer you have been married to a LEO, the easier it gets. For me at least, it seems to get more difficult in certain ways. The longer I am with him, the more I see, the more I know, and the more it makes me realize how real the dangers can be. Being supportive of sending your best friend out into danger each day is not always easy, but part of being a wife is supporting his dream. I knew from the moment I met him what I was signing up for. I wouldn't trade it for the world. My husband is a wonderful man with a work ethic like no other. He works day and night to support his family and protect his community. He has been called to this line of duty and I am one of those LEO wives who literally beams with pride when I see him in that uniform. He is an amazing father, a loving and supportive husband, and as hard as it is to find time for each other, we manage to make it work. He is my best friend and I cannot imagine a day without him in my life.

There are many people out there that view cops as lazy, crooked, donut eating fools with a chip on their shoulders and pride swelling due to a gun-toting power trip. As stated above, there are bad people in every profession. There are also good people in every profession. For the good ones, consider and remember this: Police Officers live each day fully prepared to lay down their lives for any given stranger at any given moment. They spend countless hours away from their family to help protect yours. They will face those persons with nothing to gain when they themselves have everything to lose. They begin each shift knowing it could be their last, and they have the added stress of knowing their spouse and children are home waiting, hoping, and praying they never see the Captain at their front door. I love my LEO.

The Line of Duty

In 2010, 161 officers were killed in the line of duty. 161 sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, husbands, and wives who will never kiss their families again. They died protecting and serving the citizens and non-citizens of this country. They died at the hands of repeat offenders, parolees, drunks, drug addicts, and political and religious radicals. They died helping innocent people change flat tires. They died responding to traffic accidents and domestic disputes. They were murdered in cold blood making routine traffic stops. They died doing what they were called to do, regardless of the circumstance.

Be grateful for our Police Officers.

A Side Note:

Since publishing this article, it has been viewed over 250,000 times, shared on Police Department web sites, LEO wife support sites, and various Police news and magazine sites. The positive support and feedback has been overwhelming and I would like to add this to simply acknowledge how wonderful it is to see so many LEO's, LEO wives, and family members of LEO's be able to relate to so many of the things written in this article.

There has also been so much support from all over the US, and other countries, from people with no connection to any LEO in their families, thanking me for bringing awareness to what life as a LEO and a LEO wife entails. There has been extremely little negativity regarding this article, and I am actually very nicely surprised by that. Out of over 20,000 views and over 100 comments to date, I have received only three negative comments, which I did not post, only because I do not want this to become a forum for debate or argument or have anything distract from the purpose of this article. This is not a discussion board, and there is a time and place for debate. I want this article to be an uplifting voice of encouragement and positivity for LEO's and their families.

I do wish to address one comment received, oddly enough, from a LEO wife. Her opinion of this article was that I was trying to gain "glory" and hero status of my own simply for being married to a LEO. She found it appalling that I would make a suggestion about those who have merely "enjoyed the view." She suggested I was imputing a "god-like" status to LEO's and LEO wives and belittling those in other lines of work who make daily, dangerous sacrifices as well. To that I would say, my article is about Police Officers. It is not about oil field workers, firefighters, EMT's, coal miners, loggers, construction workers or the countless others who are in harms way just by going to work each day. I have no reason to write a personal account about that which I do not know, just as I cannot speak for the countless wives and husbands of our Troops whose daily sacrifices far outweigh that of which the majority of us can comprehend, and to whom I could never express enough gratitude.

My article is in honor of my husband and all the other LEO's who are heroes in their own right. Praising one does not equal the diminishing of others. I have never and would never think that what my husband does every day somehow makes what anyone else does less important or dangerous. Or, that my role as his wife somehow makes my "wife" status more important than anyone else's. My comment about those who have simply "enjoyed the view" is made specifically to those who have done just that: looked at all the calendars of hot shirtless cops, or flirted with a police officer to try and get out of a ticket, or for those who simply see a uniformed police officer and shrug with loathsome disrespect. It was meant to say, "There is a whole lot more about that uniform and the character of the man/woman wearing it than you might understand, and you should know if you don't, and be aware if you're not."

The entire point of this article is to make it clear that our LEO's are heroes and regardless of all the sacrifices LEO spouses make each day, those sacrifices are well worth making to ensure our heroes have the love and support they need to face what they face each and every shift. There is no question that it takes a certain kind of person to be able to remain consistently patient, understanding, and selfless regardless of the circumstance. Do I think that, in someway, that makes me an angel deserving of "glory?" Absolutely not. I do think it is proof positive of my intentions in writing my article—our LEO's need good women/men as spouses to appreciate all that comes with the uniform. All of us fail at times, get frustrated at times, and need some encouragement to remain focused (certainly me included). This article is is about being supportive and appreciative despite the multitude of upsets. It is about remembering to appreciate each day and never take it for granted.

As stated before, I love my LEO!

This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.

© 2010 blissinprogress


Julie on March 01, 2020:

I am the daughter, wife and mother of a police officer. That is 55 years of "experience" of this lifestyle. My mother was a huge supporter/member of the FOP and I for one say HURRAY! Spot on. I found myself nodding my head and "yepping" on several comments. Glorious? Not even on a good day. Terrifying? EVERY. SINGLE.DAY. Thank you:)

Tanu on April 20, 2019:

It was interesting to read your article. My hubby is also a cop though in a different country- India. It's surprising how easily I could relate to this article!!( except for overtime- cops don't get that here) The fear that a cop's wife feels daily when her husband is in the field is something that I think we all can relate to. V Well Expressed!!

kurt niziak on April 01, 2019:

Christ! This article was painful to read. Trying to pass off these Tyrants as some sort of hero is nothing short of insulting. Your article was so wrong, in so many ways that it is difficult to decide where to start.

The police are no different than city gangs. They are extortionists who prey on the individuals that actually keep this country running.

The majority of them are liars, indifferent to the needs of whom the are suppose to serve. They solve no crimes, they provide no service and basically have no purpose except to exhort revenue for their own pockets.

You make it sound as if they are some type of hero. They are not! Their jobs are neither dangerous nor constructive.They are, without question, the biggest terrorist threat, that this country has to deal with and their tyranny is growing stronger.

So don't try to make it out to seem that you or your "spouse police officer" has anything to be proud of. They are punks and you are nothing short of accessories to their actions. You have no business attempting to keep your head held high, for you are (as a team) the absolute bottom of the barrel.

The sooner you get that in your head, the better we all will be. This was a disgraceful article!

Stop pissing on our legs and telling us its raining!

Karen Allison on March 03, 2019:

Thank you for your article. That was my life, and if God leads me I may need to share the life of a LEO after disabled and retired in the line of duty, with you. The struggle is real and it takes more patience and thank God for he is with us all the way.

Joyce on December 15, 2018:

What a great article it certainly made me feel better tonight, knowing he got a late call and I’m now eating frozen pizza alone.

Sukiee on May 20, 2018:

As a PROUD LEO wife, along with SWAT and Marine Search & Rescue. I thank you for your words, and the humor helped also. I know he needs to keep his attention on his job. I don’t want him to worry about my feelings of being lonely. But the sound of velcro unfastening is the best sound ever!!!

Shanna on May 18, 2018:

I stumbled upon this and have to say, my husband of 15 years is 5 Year’s into his LEO career. As a marine, it’s a natural fit. The first 10 Year’s of our lives were not nearly as complicated as the last 5. Your descriptions felt like you were speaking for me. Wow. Thank you for your openness and honesty. We are not alone.

Abby Rebecca on April 04, 2018:

Being with a LEO for over 10 years I understand that important events are often times impossible. But facing a funeral tomorrow by myself is just more than I can bear (he is working a detail - not an actual shift). And I have put off having kids because I truly do not want to do it alone. Your comment about the football game and ballet recital reinforced that for me. Although I am proud of what he does everyday, I guess it isn't for everyone and I do not think I'm cut out for it. Thanks so much for such a well written article.

JENN j.s. on March 02, 2018:

Here's my input, much of the details of what you describe are true, but you forgot to mention that it is a miserable existence in a patriarchal society that enables alcoholism. I am a LEO WIFE and ashamed of the woman I've become; disempowered, dependant and hopeless. I pray my daughters (3 of them) never marry an adrenaline addicted workaholic, bully like their father. Society is better for the job he does, he is great at it, and we are worse for it. And if you question the legitimacy of my post my career is devoted to strengthening families, assisting people in addressing trauma, and teaching the value of healthy relationships: how embarrassing that I am unable to do this for myself and my own family. I'm glad that you feel this way about your husband and your family, but I am pretty confident I am not the only woman who feels as I have described.

Val on February 16, 2018:

As a LEO wife, I really appreciate this article. I also like this article from the LEO's point of view; his reasons for coming home:


Briana on February 14, 2018:

Melissa, I cannot even begin to describe how grateful I am to have come across your article. I am newly-engaged to a soon-to-be LEO. What a beautiful message and story you shared, and show-cased a "day in the life" without hesitation. I will certainly carry this article and hold onto it for as long as possible as a gentle reminder of everything that may happen and how to handle it. Thank you and much thanks to your husband for allowing this type of conversation to even be had.

Good to know we are all in this together.

SWATgirlfriend on February 08, 2018:

I teared up reading this...I don't think I tell or show my boyfriend (who I hope to marry one day) how much I appreciate him and what he does. He is so amazing and understanding and I can't believe I would ever get even the slightest bit irritated when he would cancel dates. Its so selfish on my part and this article helped me to realize how it shouldn't be taken personally. I know there is a learning curve for every LEO family and its nice to see that we are not alone, but I think I could be doing more to make his life just easier in any way I can....even just being a shoulder/lap for him him to fall asleep on :-)

He shows me and his friends so much love because he knows what he faces every day. He deserves all the love and respect that I can give :-) THANK YOU!!

Christen Brooks on January 14, 2018:

This is amazing! Thank you!

LEOWife on September 23, 2017:

Seriously...tweak just a few things and it would be as if I wrote this myself. Thank you!

Gabrielle on September 08, 2017:

Thank you so much for posting this article. I now have a deeper understanding of what I am getting into as an LEO girlfriend of almost 6 months. We started dating while he was in the academy; we met while I was in medical assisting school and his classroom was on the first floor, just below mine. We understand each other's schedules and we cherish our time together when we get it. Date nights are important, holidays are few and far between, especially since I'm in the medical field getting my Radiologic technologist credential and he's a cop. We're both in the first-responder field, which makes everything better; we just get each other.

Rachel on September 02, 2017:

This was an amazing blog

Malalala on August 26, 2017:

i absolutely love this! I read this article at the beginning of this year when my fiance and I started dating. I've recently got engaged to my fiance who is a police officer, and though there were many times I would think he was falling out of love, or simply didn't like me ( before we got engaged) I found this article to be super useful! You have no idea how much you helped me understand how it is to be a LEO future wife! Honestly, if it wasn't for this article, I would be so lost since I have no friends that are in the same position as I am nor do they understand. Thank you so much !!!!

Cynthia Martin on July 14, 2017:

Thank you for writing such wonderful article on LEO's

N the wives behind them or husbands n Family

May My LEO Rest in Peace

You'll Always be My Hero

& My True Love!!

BJ Turk on June 07, 2017:

Been a LEO's wife for 27 years great article totally get the part as time goes on it gets harder. My LEO is retiring at the end of the year. Last year there were multiple Veterano's killed in the Line of duty. So I wonder & worry that I may not get my time post the PD. Meanwhile worrying what he is going to post being a cop, He has been doing the job 27 years and 7 years in Jail as CO longer than his childhood. PS YOUR COMMENT ABOUT THE VIEW: After almost 30 years of seeing him in every version of his uniform "I still say Damn" that's nice " and watch his bottom as he leaves. They should have a seminar at all academies for significant others regarding the future they fast being with a LEO's My hubby is an FTO he has had more than 1 trainee fail the program because of problems at home. The job is not competing for his time it is a fact of life for an Leo's wife , the sooner you figure it out the better for all around you.

Michelle on April 25, 2017:

I'm a LEO for 25 + years. It never gets easier. I simply love him more eith each passing year. Thank you for the article. We just had a blown vacation, and I needed to "center" again. This helped.

Ashleigh Teates on March 29, 2017:

Love This! This could not be any more true! I love my LEO! Thank you for sharing.

Nelly on March 03, 2017:

This is an awesome article! The part about the date night made me stop and laugh for a bit about how accurate it is!

Ron on February 26, 2017:

Old retired

Valerie on February 23, 2017:

I'm dating a Police officer . I love him to the fullest. Thank you for this article . I'm learning. This helps me understand a new life.

Lisa Burke on February 12, 2017:

This is absolutely beautiful! And your love for your LEO and his love for you are so palpable through your written words. Thank you for sharing this so openly and honestly. It's really inspiring and affirming.

Tori on February 03, 2017:

I enjoyed your article. I have been married to a LEO for 22 years. He has been an LEO for 12 of those years. I knew the man he use to be. He has changed in many ways since becoming a LEO. I love him more now as I feel he needs me more than ever. We have had our tough times and it has not been easy being married to him at times but we have come out stronger because of our love for one another. We are the strength behind the badge!

vicky gagnon on January 27, 2017:

I really enjoyed reading your article. I am about to go on my first date with a police officer tomorrow and wanted to know from a woman's perspective; what it's really like, the whole deal. He's very sweet and has been divorced. I know that there is a lot of stigma regarding officers and their wives, so it's nice to get a real perspective. I myself am married to my job and would have much appreciation for a partner who is as well very dedicated. I am not in law enforcement, but have always had complaints from former partners about my long hours at work, dedication and constant calls away. To me it makes complete sense. So I am going to give the officer a date and see if it's a true match. I can only think that he would give me the same respect in return. Therefore, I would not have to constantly say sorry for missing yet another dinner date or have to explain myself it would be an understanding. At lest that's what I am to believe by reading this article. We'll leave the chemistry to the birds and the bees.

Cecile Marie, LCSW on January 09, 2017:

I am a psychotherapist working with couples. I have a couple coming in tomorrow with some problems clearly related to his job as a police officer in San Francisco. I wanted to get some insight into her struggles, as well as his, before our session. This was very valuable for me as it is a very unique situation with the life threatening part hanging over in the ominous corner. I feel clearer having read this and that I can approach the session with more ideas how to ameliorate the rough edges and enhance the lovely ones. Thank you.

Rachel on December 23, 2016:

Does anyone know if it's federal law or it varies state by state that you can't reveal your address or have a Facebook account with your real name when married to a police officer? I know in Ohio it's the law for a wife of a police officer to not reveal personal info to anyone except a very few trusted people.

Wendy Hewitt on November 14, 2016:

Its certainly not an easy role, but thankful for all those that serve and protect! Its a job that you cant really put into words; we have many similarities as a spouse but yet its very unique at the same time with the different dynamics that are in each home. One common theme for sure is we can't be selfish! This a job that is not for everyone, you have to be very strong, resilient, and understanding. I didn't choose this job as we were married for 10 years prior to this, however I did choose to support my husband no matter what, so its important to be there for them and encourage them as this is often a thankless job!!!

K.Kane on October 17, 2016:

Thank you... As a LEO girlfriend planning on being wife, ive already experienced much of this..... Its nice to know whats in store down the line though! How strong i am, i dont know but in my profession "mortician" im finding the only guys that can handle what i do are firefighter/medics, trauma dr.s, and police officers..... So, no matter what, im doomed to face dinners alone forever

Alex on January 14, 2016:

Wonderful article... thank you so much for this. My daddy is a retired state trooper and my husband is going into the police academy in exactly one month. We have been together for over 4 years, known each other for 6, and been married for 3 months. When we began our relationship, being a LEO girlfriend, fiance, or wife wasn't in the cards because we were both going to college to be therapists, which we both are now. I am struggling with this change and it has been in the works for over a year. Frankly I am terrified. Articles like this help me and give me a blunt idea on how it will be. God bless you and your family!

futureLEOwife on November 27, 2015:

Hi Melissa, thankyou for this. i am a soon-to-be LEO wife and your post has changed my life and opened my eyes to what i am in for, and what to do. i am 19 years old and i am ready to be the wife my LEO needs.

Peggy Anderson on September 10, 2015:

My husband has been an LEO for 25 years. I back him 100%. I do agree there are a lot of things we do not understand , what they go through on a day to day basis, My husband has his phone on 24/7. Just in case he is needed. I hardly ever see him, he tries to get a meal break, and sometimes it may only be 10 minutes, because he gets a call. You have to be a very strong woman, and have to be able to accept the fact you will be alone a lot. This was a great read!!!

H on May 06, 2015:

Thank you for posting this. I've just starting seeing a LEO and I understand a bit more thanks to you.

Jerry D. Porter on April 07, 2015:

As a former FireFighter whose son chose to be a LEO, I completely understand... And believe me, I truly cherish my sons wife, and the sacrifices she makes daily, and the lengths she goes to to raise my grandkids.... And my prayers are with ALL of you, public servants and their families who " Live the life, while they're on the job". It takes a special person to be THAT, and I commend you.

Clare Craig on February 03, 2015:

So very true. Sometimes I feel like I need a support group outside my home & knowing there are many women who face the same struggles as I do gives me hope. I love my husband & his job & wouldn't change it for the world. Sleepless nights is just part of it. Thanks for sharing. Such truth in your words!

Trish M. on December 30, 2014:

I am going back into a relationship with my Leo after a almost 2 year stop (1 year practically he spent undercover). I thought I was ready and could embrace the ride a second time. I remember reading this article when we first fell in love thinking, how amazing it was and just how much I wanted to have the honor of loving such a man. Today, I am scared out of my mind. I'm always thinking he will be called to leave again suddenly and it haunts me. Our lives are spent mostly apart and I want so badly to find that strength I once had to love him, be patient with him and make us work.

What I find challenging is living my own life and that's because I'm such a homebody. I give myself too much time to think about him and it makes me miss him crazy. I don't want to sit around like this. I'd love to know how you manage through those in between times if you don't mind sharing, thanks. Happy New Year's everyone.

Rhonda on December 12, 2014:

Melissa thank you for sharing this. I am a sister and daughter of 4 LEO's. I really don't think people understand the stress and loneliness of of the LEO's wife. My mom and only 1 sister-in-law have been able to endure the test of time. These are some tough times we are living in right now. I applaud you for sharing your thoughts and a window into your life so that many others wont feel alone. God bless you and may He also keep all of our LEO's safe. Much love.

Laney Smith - Author on December 10, 2014:

I've been around law enforcement my entire life. They are the good guys! They go through so much that most people never consider. My uncle was a Sheriff in Texas and my step dad was a Sheriff's Deputy in Colorado. I wrote a series about Sheriff Derrick Decker. I still believe they're the good guys! Out of all of them that I've known, it was really rare that a "bad" one came along. I wish people could quit making them the enemy! The part about the holidays really touched me. We were either up doing Christmas before my step dad went to work, or we had to wait until he got off work. There's a lot people don't consider when they pick up their phone and dial 911. There's a lot they don't consider when they turn around and trash them for how they handled the situation the next day. These guys are lucky to have your love! Hugs!

Abigail on December 09, 2014:

This is exactly what I needed to read tonight as I wait for my boyfriend at home. He is out there doing what he loves and that is all I could ask for. Thank you for writing this and giving me something that I can relate so much to. Blessings to you and your LEO

Jami on November 13, 2014:

My boyfriend is a LEO and he found this story before I did. The other day he took my phone from me and went straight to google to pull this story up. We have been together for almost 5 months, very serious. He is in the middle of the hiring process right now. He said 'Here, read this, it's so true and I want you to know what you're getting yourself into.' I told him I would read it but it's not going to scare me out of being with him through his dreams if that's what he's worried about. I did read this and it does seem scary at times but I'm here to support him and he is here to support me, we aren't here to run away when things scare us. I'm preparing myself for this journey and when it gets hard at times, I will turn to your story for assurance that he is still by my side, he just has work to do.

Taresa-Kernersville NC on November 04, 2014:

I've been married to a police officer for 20 years and have been with him for 23. I have found that being a child of a LEO has helped me in so many ways in understanding what my husbands job is all about and what it in tales. I also try to ride along with my husband to remind myself what the job is like for him, what he has to deal with on a daily basis, the people he encounters, the disrespect he faces regularly, and the danger he elects to put himself into for other peoples problems and safety. Not including the wear it puts on his mind and body working all night and the daily threats on his life and to his family lives he receives when he arrests someone who clearly deserves it. My husband is a very loyal and fair LEO and wears his badge with bride, which he should! Our children were raised in a home where they learned the value of the risk that these men and women put themselves into whenever they start a shift. And were taught, if your friend has a problem with your dad's job then are they really the type of person you should be hanging around with? It's his job just like their dad has a job, except theirs are risking their lives so their dad can sleep easy at night. Yes, we have had the phone call where my husband was injured, which no wife or husband wants to receive. You worry every time they walk out the door for their shift if that's the day or night the police Chaplin will be ringing your door bell. It can be a scary hectic life at times, but the honor I feel to be married to such an amazing man, that chose a position in Law Enforcement to protect and serve total strangers shows the type of character he has and what he is made of . I feel truly blessed.

Taylor on August 23, 2014:

I have tears, this is absolute perfection. I sent this to my family and they said, and I quote "I have a new found perspective of yours and his relationship." and I cant thank YOU enough. I wish I could give you a big hug! September will be one year he's been a LEO and boy has it been a ride! I will forever save this and read it when times get tough. God Bless you, your family and especially that LEO of yours :)

laura on July 13, 2014:

You took the words outta my heart, couldn't say them better myself. I esp like the way you added how our LEO doesn't speak of what he has seen and how he prays its never his family. How we pray there's never a knock on our door in the middle of the night. Its embedded in my head "don't speed, watch your surroundings, don't let anyone in your personal space...etc" Thank you!!

Leah Mc on June 26, 2014:

This was great. This is my life now for twenty plus years. I have said many times "that's the live of a police family". My LEO is my hero, best friend and love of my life. My super hero doesn't wear a cape. He wears Kevlar.

Nessa on March 16, 2014:

I can completely relate to this . I have been married to my LEO for almost 10 years.We have 2 small children and he was just promoted to detective . I will be honest it is awhole other ball game now that he is a detective . But I can happily say it doesn't strain our marriage . Some days are hard but as a LEO wife you learn to adapt and just go with it .He Is very passionate about his job and I would never hold that against him .

In love with an LEO ❤❤❤❤

Ellen McFarlane on March 05, 2014:

This was very helpful for me since my fiancee wants to go to the police academy after he graduates from college. I'm really worried and scared but it was very insightful to read this. Thanks.

Scarlett on February 09, 2014:

I knew exactly what you meant . I've lived the life growing up as a child, as a wife, a sister and now mother to three. I m still married to RLEO . My parents are still together and so is my brother and his wife . Our boys have cell phone and now 12 hour shifts so they have more time with family and more communication . There s hope and now cell phones ! I'll pray for yours if you pray for mine !

Mandy on January 12, 2014:

I had tears in my eyes as I read this. Thanks for writing this.

- Wife of a Police Officer

Heather on January 11, 2014:

Very well written!!!!!

Erika on January 09, 2014:

Thank you so much for this!! I have been married to my LEO for two years now, and you have brought so much to me that I have been struggling with as being a LEO wife. The light bulb has been turned on now and I thank you so much for this!! I LOVE my LEO and have always respected him, but now thanks to you I love an respect him even more!!

The Mean Mama on January 06, 2014:

Heads up, there is blood on my shirt, but don't worry, it's not mine... Heard that before.

tiffany on January 03, 2014:

amazing article. you said everything that I have been feeling. thank you for this!

Silver Lining on December 29, 2013:

Thank you so much for this post. I will be marrying my fiancé in a few months and I have to say that I have read this article several times. Usually when I feel like no one understands the loneliness, strength and flexibility that I feel a police wife experiences. I love my officer. He has the biggest heart and is great at what he does but I sometimes feel like its just the two of us. We have many people in our life, but very very very few that understand what a police family is. I wish people could understand the sacrifices we make. I'm sick of people thinking we are always together because they forget that we have long stretches without seeing each other. I can't wait to marry him and start our own life. I wish for more support but have realized that whether or not others support us we'll always support each other and make it work. It's not always easy but I wouldn't change it for the world.

Kora on December 29, 2013:

Wow! Reading this was like reading my thoughts. Tonight was a rough night. I was feeling the toll this life can take on a LEO wife and then I stumbled across this. It was exactly what I needed to hear.

"Stay Safe and Come Home."

Crystal on December 20, 2013:

My boyfriend is a LEO. We've been together almost 5 years. I loved your article because it is so true. We don't have children, but one day plan to. It's hard when he gets called out to serve a warrant or heading to a domestic, but I pray for his safe return and anxiously wait for him to call or text me when he finishes a dangerous situation. Everyone on his team has my phone number and know to call me no matter how complicated the matter is if he's ever hurt. It is truly a life that isn't made for everyone, but I could never ask him to give up what he loves. I patiently wait for phone calls, handle the extra duty, the overtime, and understand that we don't get to share every holiday. His job isn't easy, so I stand by him so that he knows he has support. Thank you for your article. It speaks volumes for what they go through as well as us.

Lacey on December 17, 2013:

When I met my fiance 2 and a half years ago he was a foundry worker in a dead end job that he hated. He told me shortly after we started dating that he had always wanted to be an officer. His father died when he was 14 and had had his run ins with the police his fair share of times. His reason for wanting to be one of these men was because every time they arrested his dad or showed up at the house for whatever reason, they always treated him as a young boy with respect and never handcuffed his dad in front of him. The day his father drowned in the Missouri River, the officers and deputies that ran the search and responded to the scene made him feel safe, even though he knew his father wasn't coming home and he was now the man of the house he never faltered. So after telling me he wanted to be a police officer, we talked about it, the benefits, the hardships, the good and the bad. Having previously been married to a Marine (although never deployed) I understood the complications that came with your husband being a servant to his country and community. We mutually decided that he should go the academy and see where it took him. He asked if I was okay with this. I told him "Andrew, I love you and I am always going to stand behind you. You are my lover and my best friend and I would never stand in the way of you following your dreams. I truly believe that you are meant to be an officer of the law and that you will one day accomplish that dream." To some men being an officer is only a job but to him it is a lifestyle. One that we have chosen to live through together. It took nearly a year after graduating and being flat broke living with my parents and finding out we were pregnant, again, for him to finally get on with a department. He loves his job. He lives and breathes his job. And every night when he walks through the door I breathe a sigh of relief. This morning he told me how much he appreciates everything I do for him. I don't do anything different than an ordinary house wife would do for her husband, except our evening coffee is at midnight, and his dinner has to be microwaved. Our kids are in bed when he comes home and the one hour he gets with them in the morning really saddens him, he is the definition of strength. He has seen struggle, death, poverty, selfishness, stupidity, anger, and assault but he still loves the Lord and his family. I love my LEO.

Evenlexy on December 14, 2013:

Thank you so much for this article. It really shed some light as to what is going on. I recently starting dating a NYC police officer and it has been so hard. At times I want to walk away but he is so amazing, literally everything I want in a mate. At least this give me an insider's view as to what to expect life to be like. ..

Hollie on December 13, 2013:

You have truly put into words what it feels like to be a Police Officers wife!

Mr. Michael on December 13, 2013:

I enjoyed reading your article. It was very well written. Pretty awesome spouse perspective.

That being said (and yes some of you may laugh), My wife is a "LEO". The biggest thing that I had to laugh about in this article was the "hours". Of course that's because I'm a nurse (here's your chance for laughing)! I work the same hours (sort of). Her's are 6-6 (rotating AM and PM, which honestly has got to SUCK!!!! big time), while I work 7pm-7am (finally done with school for a little while, because I honestly haven't taken a real day off except for in between semesters finishing my BS). Are you are so right about Holidays and weekends (I've been on weekend-only-worker contract for the last year and a half. GREAT for the routine schedule. SUCKS for working when everyone else is off, but works for school.), so I am totally there with you.

Jill on December 08, 2013:

My local police department posted a link to this article today and I'm very glad I was able to read it. My husband recently finished police academy and is in the process of filling out dozens of personal history statements, taking tests, going through oral boards, etc. While he's in the Army Reserve and we've been through a deployment (returned just over a year ago), I wasn't sure what to expect with him being a police officer. I want to thank you for writing this, it's given me a much better understanding of what my life will (hopefully) be like very soon.

Lisa Taylor on December 07, 2013:

You did an excellent job writing this article. I could relate to every sentence. It isn't easy being a LEO wife, but I wouldn't trade it for the world, because I know he loves his job. Being his support on good days and bad, is my job! Again, thanks for sharing!

Betsy on December 07, 2013:

As a police officer's mother, I appreciate your article very much, and the in-depth look at what your, and your family's life, is like. It seems too little to say thank you, and too much to be able to express my gratitude for you, your husband and family, my son, his wife, their new baby and the brotherhood of police officers and police families all over the world. Thank you and bless all of you.

Nyckey-Oklahoma on December 07, 2013:

Thank you for writing this. It's so helpful to know there are others out there in my shoes. It's so hard being a Leo wife. 6.5 years and going strong. Thanks to you I will learn to be an even better wife. :). I now have more hope than ever before.

Diamond on November 19, 2013:

I am so honored to be a LEO wife! My husband and I had been married for five years before he made the ultimate life change career decision. I have been supporting his decision every single step of the way. I have birth to our second daughter while he was away at the academy. Looking back now...I wouldn't have it any other way. It's a daily struggle to find our alone time with now three beautiful daughters. But we too like so many other family's make this life work for us. I am so glad I am not alone with these feeling so greatly expressed in this article. Thank you!

Brittany on November 13, 2013:

I very much appreciated reading this article. I am a wife to a rookie cop and I am having a very hard time adjusting to the lifestyle. My biggest worries were the late night hours, raising our 8 month old daughter mostly by myself with the help of my family since we are living with them to save money and the dangers of stepping out into the streets daily. I was never one of those high maintenance chicks who needed attention all the time but when my husband entered police academy I felt left in the dust, alone and distant. Reading this article I realized that this job requires more support than I knew. Selfishness needs to be forgotten and I am basically building a new life around my husbands career. The saying "you are not only marrying the man but his job aswell" finally became real after reading this. We all make sacrifices but in the end we all need to look at the bigger picture. As much as I love the small things a relationship brings, I would give them all up just to have my husband come home to his family safe every night. Thank you for putting my mind and heart at ease and for allowing me to widen my perspective on how to adapt to the LEO lifestyle.

One Love

Rachel on October 21, 2013:

I am currently dating a Detective. It is all the same. I moved in with him because of his crazy hours. If I would not have, I would probably still be sitting there waiting for a date. I knew what I was getting into when I met him. I told him I am always going to be there for him. He really needed that support. I may not be married to him yet, but most of this story is us exactly. I had him read it so we both have the same understanding. As we do not have children in common, most of the time I spend the day or night eating alone. He was expected to get off at 5pm. He told me things are crazy and getting worst around there. He said I may not expect him until late tonight. I will probably be in bed already when he gets home. I work a regular job with set hours. I just have to take it like it is and grin and bare it. do to the fact I work theses set hours, I find that when he works evenings that we do not see each other at all that week. I just treasure the time we do spend together.

Dee on October 18, 2013:

My husband is taking his written exam in 2 weeks. I'm terrified of being married to a LEO..but this is something he has always wanted to do so I am supportive...but yes, so scared.

Denisedillon on August 04, 2013:

This piece is AMAZING. So true and exactly how life is with a LEO. I am so glad you wrote it, it gave me goose bumps :) Thank you.

Jessica on July 12, 2013:

This article brought me to tears. My boyfriend has been talking about becoming a police officer for a while now and I can only seem to focus on the negatives-- The chances that something could happen to him and that our marriage, if and when that happens, might fall. But you've made me see that there's positives too. I will support him in whatever choice he makes, if being an officer is what he truly wants to do because I love him more than anything else. But I know I will be the wife who hopes and prays every day that her husband comes home without a scratch. But I think I can do my best to be the best wife to him while he's doing the community good. That's all I can really promise, right?

Anyway I just wanted to thank you for writing this article. It made me see that it's not all bad being the wife of an officer. Thank you.

LEO Girlfriend on July 11, 2013:


I thank you for putting everything into perspective as I sit here after having an argument (over something so ridiculous) with my boyfriend before he left for work. This instantly caused me to send him a message apologizing and reminding him that I love him.

He works in a horrible area and I have such a bad habit of forgetting the fact that there is a chance I may not see him tomorrow each time he leaves for work. I am human, but this is one of my greatest faults and something I am going to continue to be mindful of.

I began dating him two years ago--about 3 months after he became a LEO. I certainly did not know what I was getting myself into. After reading your article, my eyes have been peeled WIDE open! I have struggled with and resented many of the things that come along with his job, and was channeling it all in THE WRONG ways (starting arguments before a shift, getting frustrated with him over my having to sleep alone every night, not spending enough time with him, missed holidays, etc.) I sound like a complete spoiled snot who wants their man all to themselves--well who doesn't want that anyway..ha ha. I realize that I have a lot of work to do in this department and am willing to do so.

I want to thank you for putting it all into perspective and giving me a realistic view of what's to come if it has not happened already. I am with a wonderful man whom I would love to spend the rest of my life with; I realize that I have some (lots of) work to do in regards to accepting the profession he has chosen. I admire how you have been able to develop the will power to be a supportive, understanding POW and will be using you as a role model for my relationship moving forward :) thank you. Please continue to post your words of wisdom and encouragement--they are much needed by many of us!

Nancy Roberts on July 06, 2013:

Thanks so much. I am the mother of a police officer..Swat man. And my daughter n law is amazing the way she handles this.

joey on May 30, 2013:

Thank you so much for your words! I've been with my fiancee who is a LEO here in Europe for 2 years now and we will get married in September. I know it will not be an easy life at his side, since the time we've moved together there have been many many lonely evenings, cold dinners and fears... The fact that I work as a medical doctor doesn't make it easier at all, because both of us work many hours and have long shifts.. Knowing that I am not alone with my hopes, prayers and fears, that there are cop's wives all over the world who feel the same is a great support.

Thank you for sharing it!

Brianne on May 19, 2013:

I am the girlfriend of a man who is graduating the police academy in a little over a month. this was such a great read and I thank you for giving me your perspective. you made me laugh and cry.

Joselyn on May 17, 2013:

I met my husband when we were in college. He started the academy after we had been together a year. We got engaged when he graduated patrol school and began patrolling. I've been there from the beginning and I knew what I was getting into. Like everyone has said, it is frustrating but its their call and its our call to be by their sides and support them. Thank you for writing this and giving a voice and some light to what LEOs do. I love this article so much I had to share the link on Facebook and go like your page.

Steve on May 06, 2013:

Sorry if my post was a bit choppy as far as coherence, but I am at work so I was a bit distracted.

Steve on May 06, 2013:

Wow, i love how you captured the essence of the life of a wife or a LEO and a LEO themselves. I am currently in the process of being hired on with a local agency, which is the reason why i was looking all over the internet for information regarding how it affects families. I base all my decisions on how it would affect my family as a unit and how it would affect each individual within that unit. I love to provide for my family, i love to protect them, I love the benefits of being a LEO, i love the concept, but I dont love the fact that I have to be away from my family. It broke my hear to hear my lil ones tell me that they did not want me to die. I am always with them, we do everything together, minus my BJJ and Crossfit training (which i do at home), i get to see them run around and laugh and enjoy or life together. I am truly torn at this point on what to do, i dont mind the fact that it will take its toll on me, which i am fully aware of, but i dont like the fact that it might affect my kids and my wife. I love them all dearly and I was happy to see this post, it made things clear, it was nice to see a post with true and utter honesty. I am thankful that I found this and that you posted, well said. Thank you

Cate on April 28, 2013:

I've been in love with this guy for 3 years, we've been together, and it's always been his dream to be a police officer; well, now he's going through the tests to get to the academy for state trooper, and, we feel that someday we might be married, and... It's starting to scare the hell out of me. I've always supported his desire to do this job, but now that it's getting closer, and we seem to be planning our future more and more everyday, I'm becoming very stressed about what his career might mean, in terms of romance, time, and children and I got some great insight. So never mind what the negative comments said about this article. I came out looking for something like this, and it was the first one I clicked on and I really appreciate you giving the cold hard truth. Thank you.

philmikki on April 03, 2013:

I am a 6' 4" 280# Police Officer and I cried when I read this. Reminds me so much of my wife. I am creating a powerpoint presentation on the topic of Recognizing the Sacrifices of the LEO Spouse and I came across this. I am using the hyperlink for my class.

Sean on February 28, 2013:

When my wife left me and I found your site I knew that you were sincere and I felt from the beginning that you would help me. I made a terrible mistake and cheated on her. When she found out she filed for divorce and refused to even talk to me. About 3 days after you cast my spell she began talking to me and over a short period of time she began to forgive me. Everything happened just as you said it would and now we are back together and closer than ever before. Thank you for getting Wendy to forgive me for the terrible thing I had done. Templeofloveandmoney@gmail.com

Brandi on February 22, 2013:

I am a proud daughter of a LEO and grew up honoring the badge. I remember all the times the phone would ring at odd times when I was growing up, and how I immediately would worry aboout my father. I would just pray that he was OK! Now I am a LEO wife and continue to go through the same emotions as I pray for his safety everyday. I beg him to come home safe from work. I remind him all the time how badly I need him in my life and the children even more so need him in their lives. Being a LEO daughter and wife is a challenging position to say the least! I love and respect them both for doing a job I could not do. This article was very well written. Thank you for sharing it.

Meghan on February 20, 2013:

Love this so much. I love that I have stumbled upon your facebook page and was able to find this. It is exactly how I feel and I love that there are others out there feeling the same way about their LEO. Please keep up the amazing work you do.

aimee on February 10, 2013:

It made me inspire to love more my LEO

bizette on January 26, 2013:

Thank you for this. I have been married to my LEO for 23 years in April. We have had good times and bad. Ups and downs but now that we are empty nesters we are closer than ever. He counts the days until he can retire so he can do the things he loves; huntung, fishing, etc. I count the days until I don't have to worry about him so much. I wish I would have stumbled across this page sooner. God Bless all of your LEOs!

RachelC79 on January 22, 2013:

Thank you for this article. It is nice to see someone put this into words. It is interesting how others view law enforcement proffessions. I do think some wives do it for the glory of being married to a leo, however if they really thought about it...there is not a lot of glory. It is a thankless profession and being a leo wife is also thankless. I hope that your children end up being well rounded and good...however if you look at the statistics that might not always be the case. For those wives who have hung in there, congratulations. For those wives who haven't....it is not about being weak, it was not what you signed up for. Also, I am an exwife and now an officer myself. I have been fortunate enough to see it from both sides. If there is any officer out there reading this, support these spouses...they might be all you have someday. Love them and take care of them. And for the spouses, continue to support their crazy dreams. It will be worth it in the end and there will never be regrets.

shouston92 on October 20, 2012:

I have been married to my LEO for 20 years and I could not have said this better myself! I just found your page on Facebook and eventually ended up here. I never even thought about looking for support for myself, always suppoting my LEO. Thank you so much for reminding me that we are not alone!

Melissa DeGroot on October 14, 2012:

very well written Melissa :) I had no idea about your blog and books until someone invited me to go to one of your speaking engagements. needless to say I am unable to go due o my LEO's work schedule but look forward to buying your book and reading it. I wish you much continued success and as my LEO tells the guys/gals - "keep low and the vest tight". Thank you!

Tammy Folvarcik on September 15, 2012:

Well written! Being married to the badge is often trying but in the end I understand why it has to be...

SCT9 on September 02, 2012:

Thank you for sharing your views in this article. As I've recently started dating an LEO I found the article to very enlightening.

Rosemary Cook on September 01, 2012:

When I had a friend read this article to me and informed me about your blog I was breathless! I am glad to not be the only LEO wife to feel this way. You said it to a tee!

Tracey on August 30, 2012:

This is a great article! It really summarizes my life. After being married for 21 years to a LEO, it doesn't get easier. It really doesn't. Very well written and succinctly "side noted".

Stephen Walsh from Brookline, MA on August 30, 2012:

I am the son of a Firefighter who recently passed away but I can tell you growing up, my mother, sister and I can relate to your story. Thank you for writing and sharing this!

TXLEOW on August 28, 2012:

I wish this had been available to me when my husband entered the police academy 6 years ago. We had already been together 4 years and married while he was in the academy and I wholeheartedly supported him going in and thought I had up till a few months ago. This spoke volumes to our lives and put into perspective the feelings I have had the past few months as we went through a lot of changes. I can only hope I have gotten over my momentary selflish phase and that I am completely there for him again like I once was. I will be sharing this with other friends and I thank you so so much for your truthful words.

moonlight on August 24, 2012:

Beautiful.. My heart goes out to everyone involved in such a way of life.. It's something I carefully thought of and realized it's just not for me.. I have a new level of respect for the the wives who devote themselves to these men.. Blessings to all...

AndreaL on August 20, 2012:

I just reread this blog, I read it 20 months ago and commented then, I now have our 20 year anniversary in two weeks, my oldest graduating HS and my youngest a freshman. I feel very bad for Angela, does your department have a wives group? If not, start one. I started one with a GF almost 9 years ago, we support the Offficers with many things, but more importantly, we take care of each other. Only another Police wife can understand what your life entails. There is strength in numbers. We laugh about the chaos of life, we don't bash the PD or gossip about officers. I love my Wife friends very much, they truly are my best friends. Good luck to you and I hope you find support, this article should have made you laugh, Mel did an amazing job detailing a very normal life for us....

blissinprogress (author) from Edmond, OK on August 06, 2012:

There is a world of support for that side that we all experience. Follow the link to my Facebook page The Police Wife Life. Also, Wives Behind the Badge. The National Police Wives Assoc. Police Wives Unite. All excellent places for that very kind of support. You are not alone in this and it doesn't have to be depressing. There's a world out there just like you.

Angela on August 06, 2012:

I found this profoundly depressing. I do not know if I can (or want to) put my own feelings and needs to the side. I do not know if I can paste a smile on my face when I am painfully lonely, when our daughter tells me that she doesn't really need a daddy anymore, when people assume I am a single working mother. Sometimes, it is just too much, and I wish there was more support for that aspect of this life.

Stacey on August 05, 2012:

I have never dated a police officer before and have been talking to one for the last few weeks and he sent me this article and I just wanted to say thank you it helped me alot to understand what I'm getting into and what to expect. I believe this will help me be a better partner for him. Again thank you

carrie nichols on August 03, 2012:

Wow...veri well put! Been married to a leo for 20 yrs now,and it does get harder!! He's an undercover narcotics officer and we have beenput through so much of what u wrote about and more!! I can't count the times I have been told to get the kids and get to the car!! Thanks again...supportive wife of 20 yrs and counting(god willing)!! Oh,and I totally understand ur comment on the uniform,a lot of women think of it for all the wrong reasons...but just like our LEO'S, WE HAVE to let a lot of things roll...like people who don't understand!! Proud Louisville,Ky.LeoWife

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